How can I help my teenage son (15) find local like-minded friends?

[frazzledfrazzle]

My 15 year old son is highly intelligent and mature, a great kid, witty, sociable, funny and charming etc but he has always struggled with having a friendship group. He’s always got along with everyone at school etc but not a best mate and has different interests to the kids at his school who all seem to be clones and spend their lives gaming, vaping and sitting around doing very little together which he isn’t particularly interested in. He does go to the gym with them and hangs out with them but isn’t in their inner circle.

He isn’t very sporty but really likes music, comedy, is incredibly talented at art etc and is a great kid. He’s made some wonderful best friends through some interests they have in common and they speak often and meet up regularly but they all live about 2 hours apart so it’s hard for him to not feel lonely at home and he obviously can’t see them too often as it’s just not practical.

He wants to meet people and find his tribe at home too I guess. How do you encourage teens to get out there and meet people? Surely there are other kids out there in similar situations? Is there anything to help that people can suggest or has worked for their teens ? I don’t want him to feel he’s missing out on his teenage years

Would a local game shop have any events going? Like a Pokémon game night thing? Or volunteering if he has the energy. Or dungeons and dragons game group/online or in person?

Anonymous post on a local FB group perhaps? He could set up a local group if his interests lend themselves to that.

His sister is into those but they aren’t his thing or that would be perfect
hes more into old music/bands and loves comedy etc and just going out on bike rides and exploring etc
he’s really talented at art so trying to get him involved in some art stuff in September but it’s 99% girls in the classes and he doesn’t want to be the only boy

Is he considering switching schools for sixth form? My eldest did, which helped quite a bit, but he actually says that he has been the happiest he ever has been at uni (he found his tribe, they are all on the same course, so have similar interests, and outlook, and he has completely blossomed).

I’ve said this but I think he fears no one responding g or his other “friends” finding out and laughing at him etc

100% and he will find them I’m sure
it’s just tough right now he feels he’s missing out on a lot
that’s wonderful to hear, I keep saying that will happen it’s really difficult to feel like u don’t have that tribe isn’t it

At the new sixth form my son went to, there was a non-uniform day in the autumn, and he wore a band t-shirt (quite a niche band / genre), and he started talking to a couple of others at the new sixth form who were into that type of music, and that morphed into playing music together (my dc played an instrument) every week.

Is your son doing Duke of Edinburgh’s awards? Both my eldest two refused to do it, but your son could find a group to do it with (40 years ago my school didnt do it, so we registered at a youth centre to do it independently). And there is a while series of different things that you need to do for it, so some of those things could align to his existing interests, and it will bring him into very close contact with others. I think Venture scout’s is possibly similar in this regard.

Other options are to start doing some things that will help his CV, like work experience / voluntary work / summer employment (and he is likely to form other friendships with people that he has more in common with) or other types of clubs / activities (do you have a climbing club that he could enrol on a course for, or a sailing club, or something similar?)

Explorers! My DD joined at 15 and met loads of new friends! Really improved her confidence and she is now doing her duke of edinburgh with them!
https://www.scouts.org.uk/explorers/

And to add, my DD felt exactly the same. She was lonely and isolated at home. I pushed her into Explorers and she quickly made new friends. The teens there are generally friendly and welcome new members.

What kind of areas do you live in?
We are probably spoilt for choice as in London, but teens I know do tons outside school, including:
Debating club, bands, improv classes/performance, D&D, fencing, boxing, drama, chess, coding and robotics, DJing, reenactment, art, sailing, plus all the more standard sports. Oh and some do religious stuff or things relating to their specific culture.
Then they get to know new friends.

All great advice thank you all