Just need to know I'm not alone...

[EvieT1]

Im really struggling at the moment with my 13 Yr old ds and I need to understand if it is more to do with me than him. He struggles with anxiety and OCD and since starting high school (now yr8) it has become very bad. He's starting therapy and assessment for autism but really struggles with friends at school who will take the mick out of him because he is sensitive and do things to wind him up( they don't know about his struggles). My husband says I mollycoddle him and treat him in a different way to my other kids, even asking how his day was. Due to this, im not sure if im making things worse - am i the reason he cant take banter?! On top of all this, I think im entering peri menopause, so when my son is worrying or something is happening, my anxiety is through the roof! I wasn't anxious until recently but I can't bear any confrontation in the house whe I feel this way and therefore am treated as a mat!
I often wonder if im putting too much pressure on my kids- its so difficult to get them to go out, I have a 15 Yr old ds, 13yr olds ds and 9yr old dd. It used to be so much easier to get them out of the house but these days, its a battle turned into arguments, which turn into thinking why we even bother. But then you see social media and other peoples kids have gone put for a family walk and are smiling and it makes me feel even worse, even though I know its probably not real. Should I just leave them all too it and we only make an effort occasionally? I just can't bear my ds shouting and kicking off and I know it means im probably not teaching him properly. Should I be letting the older kids just find their own way now?
Anyway, sorry for the long post- would be nice to hear if anyone else feels the same with teenagers as I feel like all my other friends kids have no issues and I can't talk to anyone about it.

I have 3 children and my youngest is definitely a different character to the other two and yes I do treat him different, there is nothing wrong with that just adapting to each child’s personality/needs. And all that anxiety is defo peri-menopause, I am also at the start of it and now the smallest things to me are my biggest problems, every issue I think the world is about to end as I know it lol

I found that food was a good way to get them interested in doing things as a family, so going out for a meal together, a dog walk with the promise of an ice cream, a look around the shops with a McDonald’s after. Could that work?

But honestly, most teens seem to spend lots of time in their rooms and some children need more down time than others. If your 13 year old is autistic, he may be someone who just likes being at home as the outside world can be very difficult and home feels safe, which is lovely.

As long as you are kind to all of your children, it’s not a bad thing to treat them differently in a way that they need to be treated. My children are very different characters, one likes all the banter and I can be brutally honest with him as that is what he needs and wants. The other you have to tread a little more carefully with as she is more sensitive and can be a bit of a worrier. They both know they’re loved and each wouldn’t like to be parented like the other one.

Peri menopause….no advice there. I’m going through it although the anxiety seems to have got better for me at the moment. I’m constantly fucking boiling though and struggle to remember the kids names some days so I can’t help at all.

You sound like a loving mum to be so concerned. As long as your children know they’re loved and can talk to you about anything, they’ll be fine. Be kind to yourself. Life, parenting, peri menopause, they can all be really hard. Ignore social media!!!

I have 2 teens totally can relate to the part in your post about getting them to go anywhere or do anything out of the house with you. mine are exactly the same infact we haven't been out of the door together at all this year as they just dont want to. we have resorted to just doing our own thing individually. This means no more family photos of outings etc. I get how hurtful it is to see social media posts of other families happy smiley teens on outings so I stay off social media for this reason. I've felt very alone as have friends with similar age dc who are happy to go out and about with mum which hurts like hell that mine are not like that.
Just to let you know op you're not the only one with teens like this. And try to stay off social media it'll destroy your mental health.

Thanks everyone. It is nice to hear it isn't just my family, hopefully one day they will come back around when they are older and want to spend time with us agan. I need to find a way to cope with the anxiety so it doesn't become a thing for my kids, which it is starting to...St Johns wort seems to help!