Do you allow your girl to wear revealing outfits?

[Anothersunnyday9]

Thought I would be more specific

DD15 wears clothes to school; on a rare sunny day she may wear a very small crop top with small shorts.

Should I say something?

Tricky; unfortunately that is the reality if life.

Sixth forms often have rules along the lines that they don’t want to see up it, down it or through it, or another I heard was no boobs/belly/bum!

I really object to the idea of telling girls how to/how not to dress for men’s approval etc but on the other hand they are still children…
I do talk to my kids about right clothes for occasions though - that’s a general life lesson for all.

I’m all for girls wearing what they want but you’ve got to be realistic about the world we live in and protect them from that as best you can as a parent so yes I do think you should say something. You say she is buying her own clothes - does she work or do you fund these shopping trips? If it’s the latter I’d scale back if she kicks up a fuss.

I don’t stop DD15 wearing what she wants and she occasionally wears short shorts or a skimpy top. I would if she was going to school though

she has had comments from men but she’s happy to tell them she’s a child and they needed to think about their behaviour! But we have had to have the conversation around the delusion a lot of men have that women dress for them

she’s had men shouting out the window at her when she was in school uniform so it’s not about what you’re wearing

I think the rule regarding legs or chest is fine.

Also, how you teach your kid handle sexual harassment?

She is a sensible girl and normally listens to me. I just need to word this properly.

She has a monthly allowance according to her age. She has her own taste and she is not 12.

Also, It is not the day to day outfit.

No it isn't. Check out the "what were you wearing" exhibits.

There's lots of ways but the first and most important one is that it's NEVER your fault, and you DON'T have to be polite in anyway. Depending on the action and the situation, loudly scream, hit hard and aim for vulnerable spots, report immediately to a safe adult. Be aware of the warning signs that someone is an unsafe person- e.g. a safe adult never asks a child for help, no-one should ever tell you to keep a secret from a parent except for a surprise, and there is nothing you can tell me that I won't believe and support you with.

Creepy men target young people who they know won't tell and will be ashamed enough to cover up what has happened.

I know it’s not the same when it’s a teenager doing it, but I wonder if any teenagers said “but mum, you wore a short skirt for the slutwalk”. Remember the slutwalk, with slogans such as “it’s a dress, not a yes”?

I think the rule about legs or chest is fine; it is not like they are on the beach. Also, to make sure they are not too revealing.

I will speak about how to handle sexual harassment too.

i sometimes have this issue, mainly with the skirts rather than tops.

dd is 13 and seems to gear towards very short skirts. I do tell her that she had to wear leggings under some of her skirts that I feel are too short to wear bare legged

Mine was a dancer. She went to a specialist dance school and college so was often in just a leotard or crop top and shorts. Also she has sensory issues and there were times when she could not stand the feel of her uniform against her skin so would be known to wear very tight, sports/dance type clothing.

My only rule was that you needed not to be able to see her breasts or bum cheeks.

There's only a handful of performing arts schools for that age group, all of them private. Most of them are boarding and have very few day pupils. Absolutely none would allow a day pupil to wear that to school. So I am somewhat disinclined to believe you.

Both her school and work to have some rules for attire. Thankfully those rules are surprisingly non-sexist, though I am aware that is largely due to her school head’s interpretation.

I do say something if I don’t think an outfit is within official guidelines. Since the rules are reasonable, I won’t fight the school on that issue. If they were not, I would happily help her take a stand.

Outside of those times, I do not comment on clothing unless it is something I honestly believe she may not have realized and will regret once she leaves the house.

Why have you started two different threads today about teenage girls wearing revealing outfits to school, and just 16 minutes apart?

I agree with you. I do think it’s justifiable to make a teen aware of the male gaze. This can be enough to help them make up their own mind. ‘Ooh that’s quite short / there’s not much material in that top. Just to let you know men of all ages, not just boys, will look at you and what you’re wearing. And may stare.’

Oddly phrased thread, for sure. OP, who says they are female, sounds clueless about the matter and as if she has never had to handle this kind of thing herself.

If you are a mum you will have been there done that and have the t-shirt. And how could you ever say to a child if you wear that type of clothing you'll invite sexual harassment, what sexist nonsense and how facile.

Also, revealing clothes sounds so sexist, sexualising and judgemental. Revealing what exactly?

I say that as a parent who talks about appropriate clothing and reminds daughters to dress properly whatever that means in a situation. Shorts in the shops have become very short these day (shrinkflation) so it's ok if they wear to the park or beach but not to an extracurricular activity. Tight low cut tops have their place if they go to a party but I advise against it at e.g. parent evening or library.

So while the thread itself has started off rather too strangely there is some good advice. I also agree with @Mummyoflittledragon.

Labelling these clothes as revealing simply reinforces sexual stereotypes. We walk around without hats or headscarves, are we revealing (our heads)? We walk around without gloves, are we revealing (our hands)? Without sun glasses, are revealing? Etc. So it's simply about certain body parts that may or may not be seen.

There is no need for this type of shaming rhetoric. You can get the point across to dress well for the occasion and be aware of the context and surroundings, male gaze, available fashion, comfort and being empowered as a girl and woman. One dd tells me how her 12 year old friend attended a 2h orchestra rehearsal in the shortest, tightest barely there denim shorts, crop top and heavy make up as she had been 'on a date'. Dd found this inappropriate not in a judgmental way but she could see her friend was drawing attention that may not have been beneficial to her. We can educate girls without patronising them.

And how strange that when the sun comes out up and down the country men take off their tops and walk around shirtless. Yet no one says they are being revealing or asking for it. How come I wonder? Good old fashioned sexism. A man who walks around without a top will be more likely perceived as a predator than a victim.

My 14 year old wear joggers and short shorts but varying tops. If it’s a party she might wear a short denim skirt (with in built shorts?!) and a vest top not short but like a vest or a frilly top. Day to day it might be short denim shorts and a hoody or a vest top and leggings etc or even tshirt and leggings. I’m not worried.

Not at 15. She’s under age. I’d have clear boundaries on what she can/can’t wear. You still have a duty to protect her. She’s just a young girl.

It’s really hard isn’t it? When they’re this young there’s a duty of care and also an element of letting them know what’s appropriate (and what’s warm enough.)
It’s a shame the school doesn’t have sensible rules.