Regret over not listening properly to my teenager's struggles

[Trampolinefuninthesun]

DC have been going through some struggles since last year. Things have only become more clear to me now. I have this feeling of regret that I didn’t listen properly, validated their feelings. As most of us do was just trying to fix, deal with it, distract.

Trying to be better going forward but feeling tearful and regretful. I know we all make mistakes but when it impacts your child is harder.

How do I move forward?

It's hard - as humans we often have the impulse to fix things or distract people from their problems, and sometimes that's what people want. But often they want just to be listened to, that's all. Listening is a really useful skill, and you can practice not having to respond with comments or suggestions, but just echoing their feelings back to them or asking occasional clarifying questions.

Perhaps you can say all of this to your DC now: You regret that you didn't listen properly or validate their feelings and just tried to fix things. You are listening now, and will be there whenever and whatever they want to talk about.

It's never too late for a parent to apologise for their mistakes and ask how they can do things better. Good luck, OP.

First of all, you're a fab parent for realising this. Many don't 💐 at all, ever!

Secondly, all you can do is listen. No judgement. Ensure they're loved regardless. Give them opportunity to speak. Be interested and actively listen to everything they share.

You could apologise to them and hug it out.

I am 40 and still hoping my mum would apologise to me, she won't.

Thank you. Yes, I have apologised and trying to move forward without the feeling of regret. Wished I would have learned the skill a bit earlier. It is probably the most useful skill to have as parents.

I have always been there, trying to support them but only listening and validating feelings properly recently. Most of the time they know the answer.