Rules and curfews for a sociable 17-year-old in Year 12

[BringBackCatsEyes]

As the title says.
17 yo DS. Year 12.
He's way more social that his older brother was.
He wants to go out a lot.
Do you make rules, have curfews, limit the number of nights?
What do you do about push back?

Once they were in 6th Form, my only expectation of my teens was that they kept me informed of their movements, whether they were staying over etc. It would have felt really odd for them to be asking permission to meet up with friends at 17, tbh. Never had a curfew and always said I’d rather they woke me up at 3 in the morning for a lift, than be stuck somewhere. They never did, but knew they could if they needed to! Late and overnight socialising was almost always at weekends. I suppose I would have had to think again, if socialising seemed to be impacting school work, but they seemed to be able to juggle both.

I have with my 17 yo year 13 dd, but only so that she can juggle things, otherwise she’d not look after herself properly, which impacts her ability to go to school and study. Of course I’m fine for her to go out late, some of the time very late. I’ve collected her from raves at 4am before etc. She mainly goes out at the weekend. Some of the time in the week, but mostly in the week she’s back by 11.30pm.

He is old ebougj to make his own mind up by 17
Curfew more so being considerate of people asleep and if they are ever stuck in ahard place or dodgy situation then a unexplained pick up 24/7.

I would start the negotiationsbat:

As long as theyre considerate. I would say ten or 11 latest on a school night tbh but mainly so not tired next day. Schoolwork etc

Weekends let me know the plan, call any hour if in trouble/too drunk/injured/stranded etc no worries.

6th form is tricky because they need more independence but also they’re still in school and being supported financially by you.

I would go for a 10pm curfew on school nights (negotiable for special occasions) but no curfew on the weekends as long as he lets you know what time he’ll be home or if he’s staying over somewhere.

No curfew. If his college was starting to suffer or I was worried about what he was doing when out then I would probably put some boundaries in, but they do need to buy in at that age. You can't just insist 'because I said so'.

As long as they got up for school the next day and didn’t make noise coming in, it was up to them. (I start work very early) They needed to tell me if they were staying out.

In practice is was 10pm max on school nights which worked well.

We live in the suburbs so it’s easy to get taxis if stuck.

No, at 17 they were more or less adults and made their own arrangements.

I don’t recall having a specific curfew for any of my DC. DS2 was the most likely to be out later, but tbh it was more likely to be at a friend’s than at a club at 17yo.

I agree that I always made it clear that I was happy to pick them up; yes they all could get the bus or a taxi but a lift was never an issue. And yes, let me know if staying over – that would be at weekends tho.

I see a couple of posters talk about a 10pm curfew – this is surprising to me. All of my DC did activities that took them out till almost that late (sometimes later), way before they were 17 (like, aged 10). Guides till 9pm, Scouts and Explorers till 9.30pm, various drama groups till 9.30/10.30pm, sports training till 8pm/9pm in late teens.

Thanks all. I'll come back to this when I've got more time, but to give a little more background.

I am a lone parent. We live rurally. He either stays overnight with friends, or I have to collect him when he goes out. The asking is for lifts, not whether he can see so and so.
As is normal for this age, plans are often last minute and unclear.
He's doing OK at 6th form, but just OK.
We have a very good relationship. I want to keep our openness going, but need him to respect my time and what I do for him, and most importantly to look after himself and do well at 6th form.

Oh and MN AI title maker suggested the word curfew, I don't think I've ever used that word with DS!

Ah
now lifts are another issue. As in he doesn't get them late at night. At all. I work, I go to bed at 9.30. He gets himself home on public transport and comes in very quietly, or he stays over at a friend's house. If you don't have public transport that's tricky. I grew up in a place with a train station and no bus, last train from the town was at midnight so it was that or sleepovers as nobody was coming to pick me up either.

Possibly a little different here as decent bus and train options for DC when they were 17, but generally it was 10.30 on school night and midnight at weekends unless ‘by special arrangement’. I also gave them access to my Uber account so they could get home late easily. I haven’t had to insist on a set number of nights (I remember my parents did this to me and it was sooooo controlling); I’ve left it open and they are pretty good at regulating their social life and sixth form workload.

I’m sure it won’t be as ‘easy’ with younger DC. It’s not so much skilled parenting 😆, more that oldest has been an easier child