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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Letting go - university

18 replies

JadeEagle · 04/05/2026 19:41

Hi,
Has anyone else ever struggled with intense emotions regarding their teenager and university?
DS is hoping to go the Nottingham Trent. We live in a tiny village and he hasn't got much life experience. I'm not worried about him not coping. He'll do just fine.
I go from really exceited for him to overwhelmingly sad.
I don't think it helps that DH (his dad) is looking forward to him going and thinks we will magically turn into 30 year olds again.

Any reasurance that it's OK to feel this way as they head into A levels in a couple of weeks aand prepare to start their own lives?

OP posts:

Thepott2 · 04/05/2026 19:44

will it just be you and his dad at home? How is the marriage?

Everintroverte · 04/05/2026 19:47

I really struggled, my daughter went to Lancs uni which is 3.5 hours away from us. As soon as she started applying I was very happy for her and supportive but utterly bereft at the thought of her being so far away. I cried, a lot, but rarely around her as it was my sadness and I didn't want to spoil her looking forward to uni.

She is absolutely loving it, nearly one year complete. I still get emotional about it, I don't like leaving her when she has been back for the holidays or a weekend but I adjust again much quicker now.

Original poster

JadeEagle · 04/05/2026 19:51

Thepott2 · 04/05/2026 19:44

will it just be you and his dad at home? How is the marriage?

Yes, just the 2 of us. Marriage is OK. Ups & downs like most people.

OP posts:

rwalker · 04/05/2026 19:54

He’ll thrive if he’s no life experience now this is perfect to gain some

Thepott2 · 04/05/2026 19:54

JadeEagle · 04/05/2026 19:51

Yes, just the 2 of us. Marriage is OK. Ups & downs like most people.

Show quote history

This might be a concern of yours - subconsciously wondering what life will be like with just you and dh at home

Echobelly · 04/05/2026 19:59

It's OK to feel how you feel, it's a big change.

Our oldest is going to uni this year and will have an amazing time - I think they will probably not return home for any length of time after uni if they can help it. Not that we don't get on, it's just they are very independent and I think they will really go for it. It's different as we will still have our son at home for a few years, though.

sprigatito · 04/05/2026 20:03

I cried all the way home when we dropped DC1 at university. It took me weeks to feel better. DH and I are very happy indeed and actually quite looking forward to having an empty nest in some ways (we still have one dc at home and my elderly Dad who has dementia and lives with us) but the grief over not having dc1 there every day - ever again - was intense. I think mothers are often shamed for having these feelings, and it’s not right.

WhoToldTheDog · 04/05/2026 20:11

I think it’s normal to feel a mix of excitement and happiness, as well as some sadness that your child is no longer going to be living with you every day and you’ll miss him. It’s a milestone and they can be emotional.

Uni holidays are long though. My son is going into his 4th year and is home a lot!

NancyJoan · 04/05/2026 20:16

It is so, so hard. My DD and I are very close, but she finishes her 2nd year next week, and has only been home three times since Sept, and only for a few days each time. She won’t be moving back home over the summer, as her job, friends and boyfriend are all there.

I miss her so much that sometimes it takes my breath away, but I can visit, and we talk or text most days, and am I so happy at the same time that she is making such a good life for herself.

Supportingchildwithdreams · 05/05/2026 07:26

I cried and worried when they moved to secondary; specifically DC1; now she is off to uni in Sept. I think I am mostly excited for her, she had a gap year at home and working. I will miss her though. I do worry about she being safe. We live in London and she is off to Bristol. She is very independent so I am not too worried about that.

I am worrying more about DC2 and coping with all the pressure at school. They need more emotional support but she is persistent and resilient and I know she will thrive with the right support.

You never stop worrying about your kids.

My kids are always in my mind

hahabahbag · 05/05/2026 07:32

It’s normal to worry but all will be fine, embrace trying new things, take up a hobby together etc

Marmalade71 · 05/05/2026 07:36

Remember there are a lot of holidays!
He’ll still be home for a big chunk of the year. It is a change but not as massive as most people think.

Ducksurprise · 05/05/2026 07:49

I think mothers are often shamed for having these feelings, and it’s not right.

A million times this.

I am not ashamed.

My feelings about my children moving out/away/abroad is not a reflection that the rest of my life is lacking.

I can be delighted and excited for them whilst simultaneously feeling bereft.

They of course know I will miss them, but I would never let them know quite how much.

I feel those that a vocally critical about me feeling sad, must be missing something themselves, because how can I not feel sad when I wave off the most important person.

Giving them wings is the greatest gift we can give our children, they will only ever see me celebrating them, I save my tears for MN!

ThisOneLife · 05/05/2026 08:00

I think it’s ok to feel a bit sad but it would be incredibly selfish to make your child aware of your sadness. If you’ve raised your child properly they’ll be strong independent people and deserve to take the next step in life without the burden of your grief.

For what it’s worth, I did it 4 times and it was helpful to remember my own feelings of excitement of heading off to university- it’s a great time in your life. My children leaving has given me the time to do lots of other things and I’m
loving it. Don’t cling, enjoy your life and be there when they need you (they always will!).

mondaytosunday · 05/05/2026 08:10

It’s partly due to your child leaving you and having a life apart and also the realisation that you are getting older. I had my kids in my 40s and while still in school I felt ‘young’, now my youngest turns 21 next week and has been away at uni and I’m realising I’m not. New things must take place of caring for your child and you may find you drift for a while. Children - even if older - that live at home are an anchor. They give you a purpose outside yourself, even if that’s just giving them a shout in the morning and making dinner for them. When they leave it’s difficult. I woke up this morning at 7.20 and two years ago I’d be getting ready to drop my child at the train station and be in the park walking the dogs at 7.30. Now there’s no need to get up (I WFH very part time now), and even the dogs have passed on! It’s a new life phase and will take time to adjust.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 05/05/2026 11:55

The start of A-levels is quite early to be worrying about this.

It sounds like DH has a good attitude to this. Children leaving home carries with it some sadness but it's an opportunity. I'd use this next few years to start exploring what you would like to do that can't be done with a child at home and looking forward to that.

Original poster

JadeEagle · 05/05/2026 17:43

Thank you everyone.
It's good to know others have felt this mix of emotions too.

I have gone out of the way to not show anay sadness in front of him. Only the exceitement as I remember it so will myself (even if it was 36 years ago).
The tears will only come when he's not there to see them.

Seeing them become adults comes with so many emotions we never knew were possible.

OP posts:

Someonesawu · 05/05/2026 20:30

Have you made any fun plans post him leaving?

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