Supporting a highly sensitive teenager through strong emotions and identity questions

[Maximaxin]

Do any of you have a highly sensitive teen. We are going through a bit of stage at the moment; similar to when they were little. DC experience emotions and feelings very strongly whether they are negative or positive; going through a bit of identity crisis at the moment. I wan to support them the best way I can.

Honestly, I would find them a job/hobby so they have less time to navel gaze. I have a 16-year-old and the more time they have "exploring their identity" and "dealing with big emotions" the more they are at risk of sinking into depression.

A part-time job, regular gym or any other work to keep them busy, out of the house, preferably in fresh air and you have a much healthier and more resilient teen on your hands.

Thank you. I do encourage the gym which they go sometimes. School has also been hard for them and they are tired and fed up.

You are right they need to get their minds busy. Going through a bit of moody stage at the moment where everything is negative.

I also need to learn to read them, when they need support and validation and when they are just moody and want time alone and leave them to it. I want them to know they are supported and loved but not overdoing it 😅

Re the identity; it is more about feeling understood bu others.

I also need to learn to read them, when they need support and validation and when they are just moody and want time alone and leave them to it. I want them to know they are supported and loved but not overdoing it 😅

I 100% know what you are talking about here OP but I would also say be nice to yourself about it. You are a human being not a service provider. You are going to get it wring sometimes - and sometimes you'll get it wrong because whatever you did was going to be wrong at that point because you're the parent of a teenager. Exhausting!!

I think I’d be reluctant to be too much of a therapist for an angsty teen.

I tried it with my DD for a bit and far from making her feel seen and heard she took advice as criticism and was able to use our chats to have something to have even more angst about.

We got her a really good teen therapist who was fantastic with boundaries and was full of the kick up the arse advice from the PP.

It is exhausting honestly. My anxiety is a bit high at the moment. They are seeing a therapist too. They do go out and have friends , they are imaginative funny, thoughtful at times; but it is hard when they are going through that moody stage where everything is negative.

How long does this last? 😅

I think most teenagers feel as though others don’t understand them deep down, it’s a normal stage to go through. I think that having good friends who are cheerful and funny helps. Teenage years are tricky, the shift from childhood to adulthood, sometimes wishing you were still ten, sometimes wishing you were 21. The brain is changing rapidly. I agree with XelaM that it’s healthier to not have too much time to dwell on oneself. For all of us really, but especially teenagers. Doing things for others, having time outside, physical work rather than mental, stuff like camping with friends.
It’s not helpful to get too inward looking, it can become very self centred. Modern life is very focused on the individual and encourages this mindset so it’s important to counter that with social things.
Sensitive and thoughtful teenagers can become very empathetic and kind adults, it’s turning that energy out not in that’s key.

I think they have a good one or so I hope. They asked for it, there has been some self harm; I hope is helping. They are in my mind most of the time. I feel better when they are happy and relax.

Also is your child a girl or a boy ? If this is your daughter then all the hormonal shifts can affect mood, especially mid teens if their periods are still unsettled. Boys face the challenges of social pressure to be masculine and that can be hard for a sensitive person. Girls can feel over sexualised and the pressure to look a certain way. It’s all so much harder than when I was a teenager. My youngest just turned 19 so the teenage years are almost over for me, but (for girls especially) friendships can be turbulent particularly in year 8 and 9. By year 11 things calm down a bit and I think sixth form is better, although my dd had a tough year 13 friendship wise.

Girl

Friendships are ok; they like going out and have friends and fun. School pressure and self steem are the main things at the moment