How can we encourage healthier habits in our overweight teenage son?

[Jammydodger2]

I don't know if this is the right place to post but I'm feeling at a loss as to what to do. My 14-year-old son has always been slightly on the larger side. More big boned than anything, but since he started secondary school he's put on quite a lot of weight and his eating habits are really poor. I try to cook healthy meals and get him to eat well at home, but I often find him in the biscuit box or find empty wrappers of sweets in his bedroom that he's obviously bought himself and I have no control over what he's eating during the day when he's at school. I've never mentioned his weight to him because I don't want to give him a complex and I know kids often balance out as they get older. He does play football but he plays in goals so he's not doing the same level of fitness training (and neither would he be able to) as the other kids. And getting him to do anything else active is nearly impossible. I'm just not sure what approach my husband and I should be taking as we're both starting to get concerned now. He's also always suffered with a sensitive stomach and keeps getting bouts of diarrhea which I believe is caused by the foods he's eating and/or overeating, which means he's missing school. I'm just not sure how to encourage him to eat better and be more active without causing him emotional distress.

Any advice appreciated!

It's ok to talk about eating for health. The damaging thing is linking weight, overeating or eating treat foods to emotions like shame, greed, disgust.

But by not talking about his physical health you're doing him a disservice. You're prioritising his emotional health over his physical health, and realistically he knows he's overweight, he's going have feelings about that anyway.

You can talk about food as fuel, becoming stronger, becoming fitter, having more energy to live a full rounded life etc. Talk about food being useful... carbs/sugar =energy, protein=muscles, etc etc. Nothing is bad, it's all just about portion sizes. You can also talk about poor health outcomes for overweight people eg diabetes, heart disease, lack of energy, joint problems.

Practically, I'd only by treat foods that were individually portioned and not have many in the house. I'd make sure to provide him with more protein and more fibre in his home cooked meals to keep him full for longer. Does he eat breakfast? I'd make that high protein/high fibre. The longer he feels the satatied full feeling, the less likely he is to crave sweet stuff.

Has he had his bouts of diarrhoea looked into? Overeating as a cause of this wouldn't be at the top of my mind. An excess of sugar can alter your microbiome (especially if it had already taken a hit due to a course of antibiotics) which could lead to gut issues/IBS type symptoms. But I would want to exclude any other potential causes. The gp can arrange for a stool test to look at a range of markers.

Thanks for replying. We do speak about food and health in those terms, we are fairly healthy as a family, but I guess he's either not interested or the draw of junk food is too strong. I don't tend to have lots of junk food in the house, it's what he's buying himself that is the issue. As well as that he'll eat huge portions of whatever dinner is (fair enough, he's a 14 year old who is almost 6 foot) but I have to almost force feed him fruit or vegetables. I find lots of empty juice bottles and sweet wrappers in his school bag and pockets.

There was a while he wasn't eating breakfast so I've started trying to enforce that and I'll make protein banana pancakes so that even if he's running late he can take some in his hand.

The stomach issues we did have investigated when he was younger. Nothing came back in his stool samples and we eventually saw a nutritionist who did an elimination diet with him and highlighted a gluten intolerance. After 6 months we gradually reintroduced it and he was fine for a long while. I can't imagine going through that process again now with a teenager

Hi @Jammydodger2 I think it's really difficult at this age but I agree with @PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink it's ok to talk about food in terms of health - strength, eyes, skin and long term benefits.
I look after my nephew who's been kicked out by his parents. He came to me at age 17 - his eating habits were appalling. Bottles and bottles of energy drinks and snacks. He looked awful.
I'm afraid I just came out with it and bluntly told him how bad they were and just tried to cook big healthy meals, make cakes and explained to him how the things he was choosing expensive and were spiking his blood sugar and he tried to cut them down gradually. He's now 19 and is much better in terms of food and drink.. ((now it's weed 🙄))
He also had poor stomach but this seems to have eased recently... again he's just eating a more well rounded diet and has improved his gut microbiome.
14 is a tough age but honest blunt chats (perhaps from his dad not you) alongside lots of love and sharing in the things he enjoys -(eg watching his football team, letting him choose the family movie and music on car journeys) helps the bond at this age so he listens to the important things you both say😅

good luck! X

Would he be up for trying something like gym or martial arts? Something to make him start feeling better about his body and change focus.
My son had a fat friend at that age. He got into the gym and ended up 6’4” and a healthy weight.

I have one DS who is naturally just very big and has a real tendency to put on weight, big appetite, not massively athletic. He’s the spit of my brother who is 6ft 7 and 20 stone.
Keeping his weight reasonable (although he’s overweight and I suspect always will be) requires constant vigilance tbh. What has helped is joining a gym and he goes with DH, he feels very strong weight lifting and it’s nice for them to go together. He also joined a rugby team rather than football and felt celebrated for his size, and we got a stationary bike to help with physio for my other DS and he’s started to use it for 20 mins a day. It’s just in the kitchen so not very aesthetic but it makes it very handy to hop on for 20 mins after dinner.

Food wise we’ve always been very strict with fizzy drinks and he knows if he has fizzy drinks he’ll be made to take in a packed lunch. Then we’ve all started to eat better at home and we chat a lot about when we are going to have our treats and he has settled on Saturday night. He also has a fun size bag of maltesers every day and seems happy with that at the moment.

Can you get him cooking with you where he chooses the meal for the whole family, but he has to prepare and cook it alongside you and it has to be healthy and reasonably priced and something everyone will eat. If he gets into it, he gets to consider what is healthy for all of you and you get a bit of time with him. If he doesn't, it is one less meal for the adults to cook.

It can be worth a conversation around money and what he might need that requires saving up rather than frittering it. If he gets loads of birthday money that isn't going into savings, tell him he needs to start being responsible e.g. for buying his own clothes from that (or whatever you think reasonable). If he is buying it on his way home, it could be resetting that habit like stopping off for the gym rather than the shops, so getting him to consider a different way to spend his money.

I would also replace the contents of the junk drawer with only healthy snacks so that he can't access any bad stuff at home. Having something sweet after each proper meal in the form of fruit can help the cravings.

Not at all easy.

I really sympathise OP - I think the Uk culture of eating for teens is so so unhealthy for them and very hard for parents to control - my son is 14 and any money he is given goes on sweets, I try so hard to control it but we know how cheap junk food is - even with birthday money etc it can go a long way - well meaning relatives bunging him a tenner!

my son is not overweight and he is very sporty BUT I can see the health impact on him, grotty tired mood - constant stomach problems, in winter he often goes down with nausea/ stomach pains - I think his gut health is very poor.

We do what we can at home but its bloody hard in this culture!

I think we may look back one day and see the UPF/ sweets/ crisps /drinks culture we allowed children and teens to be completely swamped by - as dangerous as booze and cigarettes.

anyway not really helpful but tbh I would perhaps stop worrying about hurting feelings and just say - look this junk is making you sick and im goign to battle over it!

I tell my son he will end up with diabetes/ rotten teeth!

I talk about bowel cancer rates rising.

There are people on social media who specifically tell teens this stuff if that might help.