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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Attitude to revision/grades

4 replies

Dinosaurfossil · Today 21:26

My 14 yr old (year 9) is a lovely lad but lacks motivation and has a poor attitude towards getting the best grades he can.
Whilst I know this is common amongst teens I’m getting a little concerned as he’s nearing the end of year 9, as he never revises for tests, assessments or end of year exams, never does anything extra to improve his knowledge and (perhaps more worryingly) has almost no interest in improving.

He’s predicted 5-6s. If he applied himself a bit he could move up a grade for sure but equally if he fluffs up an exam he’d get 4-5s. He’s not bothered either way!
Any tips for changing attitude or raising motivation? He’s not interested in clothes, money, trips etc so I have little to entice him.

I want to support him to get the best results he can but it feels like talking to a brick wall. I was hoping by this point he’d knuckle down just a bit but that’s not happening.

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PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink · Today 21:44

I think external motivation is not really useful in this. It sounds like he needs more ambition and thought for what he wants for himself. I think a parent can create the right conditions to succeed eg quiet space, enough time, tutor or parent support if wanted/needed, but the motivation needs to come from the kid. Otherwise you're just nagging and creating a power struggle that you won't win.

Does he have any idea of what sort of job/future he'd like? Not an actual career necessarily, but does he want to go to uni? Have a nice car? Afford holidays? Do something for work he finds interesting or meaningful? Does he see himself travelling? Having a family? Be able to move out of your home ever? Be independent? Afford food? Have options? How's he going to make any of that happen? What's his plan?

Does he have a good concept of money? Do you talk to him about how you spend yours? Do you talk about your work? The type of work that other people do around you?

Dinosaurfossil · Today 21:57

Thank you @PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink I’m in agreement with you and want the motivation to come from him. He has two parents who support him.
Yes, he is very clear what he wants to do - he’s passionate about transport (trains, buses, trams). A train driver would be his dream and his knowledge on this subject is phenomenal.
He’s no interest in university but keen on apprenticeships in this field. This is fine by us.

We speak to him often about education, grades, attitude, money and motivation all giving him choice in life. For instance we have looked in detail at the life of a bus driver - the high and lows.
He’s on board with the conversation but it doesnt equate to pushing himself a bit.

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PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrink · Today 22:10

Keep on asking him what his plan is. Make it his responsibility, not yours. Don't think for him. He wants to drive a train - perfect! He/you have found that there's a pathway to doing that through an apprenticeship - great.

How does he get the apprenticeship? How competitive are they? What grades does he need? What's his plan for getting those grades? What's his plan if he messes up and falls short? Realistically, he'll be alright, even if he has to fail first to learn the hard way, take a detour of a year or two at college to get whatever grades he needs. He'll be OK if he has a dream that is within his ability, he'll get there.

Dinosaurfossil · Today 22:20

Thank you @PruneJuiceAWarriorsDrinkthat’s useful to read & I appreciate your perspective 👍

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