Going out.. without the kids.

[MyWildOliveGoose]

I have two children, 11 and 15. Both very very mature. I’m ok to leave them home whilst I pop to the shop round the corner for a few bits, but if I’m going food shopping or anything more than that, I still take my youngest. I’ve also never left my eldest at home in the evening for any reason.

My friends have invited me to the pub on Friday evening, I don’t drink anyway, it’s more for a mocktail and some loaded fries to celebrate a friend.

I asked family if anyone can come sit with the kids whilst I go, the blanket response from them is that my children will be fine if I pop out for a non alcoholic drink early evening, with the pub being closer than the local corner shop.

They have a point, I know. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, will I ever be? Am I being silly?

You know your own dc best, and different kids are ready at different ages. What is your gut telling you?

My gut tells me that if it was worst case scenario emergency, my youngest would panic and try save the cats.. whereas my eldest will save herself and leave a window/door open for them to escape themselves. If I’m being completely honest.

Yes, you are being silly.

I would worry about a 15 year old who had never been left for a couple of hours in the evening.

I would also worry about an 11 year old who can't be left for an hour whilst you do the weekly shop. They are presumably going to secondary school in September (if not already there) ?

You have to give small amounts of independence and build it up over time. You are not helping them by not trusting them. Children that are never given any responsibility are far more vulnerable when they eventually are allowed a little independence, than those who have been allowed to take small steps towards that from an early age.

If your 15 year old can't be left alone in the evening for a couple of hours, how on earth are they going to live on their own at University if they go, in just 3 years time ?

I don’t see the issue but you know your children better than anyone else .

Ask the children how they feel?
Is it more guilt than worry really? Can you assuage that a bit by treating them to a movie night and get them popcorn and some nice soft drinks etc?

I wouldn’t leave an 11 year old alone at night (but definitely for longish stretches during the day). But as long as they’re not totally daft together I can’t see an issue if a 15 year old is at home. I think we had 15 year old babysitters when mine were little, which is much more responsibility than an 11 year old. And if you say they’re both mature, enjoy a bit of freedom and give them some independence

Mine are 11 and 14 and I’d say a few drinks early evening locally? Absolutely yes. I’m surprised your oldest hasn’t pushed back on the idea of babysitters by now? Presumably the oldest has a phone or you have a landline? you can ring to check on them.

I think you're being over protective. I've left my dd at home overnight by herself occasionally since she was 15. Now she's 16 and I can go out and leave her and her younger siblings (12 and 14) at home by themselves during the evening. Thankfully, they're all pretty well behaved and independent. Last night I went to the theatre by myself and dd cooked dinner for the 3 of them (only pasta).

It's quite liberating to get a bit of independence back when you're kids become old enough that you can start to leave them unsupervised.