My teen hates school & misbehaves, will college be any different?

[Whyme02830]

My son is 15. I make no excuses for him at all. . At school he is silly, disruptive and gets distracted very easily. He is in bottom sets for everything. Gets in trouble every day.

As an aside to this , he has an amazing personality, is well behaved outside of school, follows all of our of our family rules, gets on with people of all ages.

Have been in for many meetings with teachers, head of year etc. They all say how much they like him as person. But hes difficult in the classroom. I wouldnt want to teach him. They think he tries to impress others to fit in . He also attention seeks.
We have had this problem with him since nursery, 2 different primaries, and 2 different high schools. He is the common denominator in all of them.

Every day he goes off to school I am filled with anxiety waiting for the next call, next detention message. He gets sent to isolation every day. He is on an slt report permanently.

He has just over 12 months to go and I cant wait till he can leave. He will not have many options open to him due to predicted low grades. he doesnt do homework, doesnt attend detentions and will not do any revision. The staff told him yesterday that the only reason hes still there is because they like him so much.
We are going to encourage him into a trade and I hope he will do well with this.
Will the college environment be just the same as the school? It will be a vocational college elsewhere. I just want this chapter in his life to be over. Underneath the bravado is a scared overwhelmed boy who thinks he can joke and be silly his way out of learning and doing exams because he finds it hard.
We and all teaching staff are positive he has adhd and allowances are made for this. Have been through cahms twice but rejected for a referral after they meet him because he comes across so well. He cannot sit and focus in a lesson. He cannot retain the info. He cant follow instructions. When he comes home school no longer exists. Homeschooling during covid was utter hell. I was trying to get him to engage in his teachers video call lessons and he was rolling around the floor, doing hand stands, sliding off his seat etc. That's what he is like and is punished for it on a daily basis. I dont blame them as what else can they do? Im just looking for reassurance that his whole life isnt going to be written off due to this?
If he could find his passion he would excel. The entertainment business would be perfect for him as he would get praise, attention and can let off steam

He can start at level 2 (or even level 1) and resit maths / English if needed (though so much better if he doesn't need to as resit pass rates aren't great).

You’re avoiding saying that what he wants though, which suggests he isn’t interested. Which means you’ll probably come up against the same issues.

There’s also a difference between learning a trade at college full time, and learning as an apprentice one day a week.

And are you willing to find a private EP to pursue for ADHD diagnosis?

The college experience can feel totally different and suits some young people much better.

Do you have any spare money, could sacrifice a holiday etc? I would absolutely do whatever it takes to get a diagnosis privately. No one ever saw anything different with my dd. I always suspected and at 17, we are going through the process. I started with dyslexia. And we are going through with autism and ADHD assessments.

@titchy he has no clue what he wants to do or what is even available to do. He just knows he doesnt want to be in a classroom. He likes the idea of an apprenticeship as he will be paid.
I cant afford to go privately. Im a single disabled parent on benefits so feel like all doors have been shut on us. An ed psyc came to observe him in school when younger but that was linked to cahms

I have known many kids like your son @Whyme02830who have gone on to thrive at college.

Not the point of the thread but if CAHMS won’t accept the referral it might be worth getting the Senco or some of the teachers to write a statement clearly outlining struggles/behaviours they see in school (and that they have been shown through his entire time at the school) in case he decides to try again as an adult when CAHMS is not involved.
A lot of school reports now focus on the positives, which is great, but does mean it’s harder to show historical proof of ADHD behaviors.

Good luck to your son. It sounds like if he finds something he enjoys he will be successful at it.

I think that instead of entering another formal learning environment straight away, lean in heavily to the things he does enjoy and is good at, to see if any can grow into a career direction.

He likes sport - get him doing some coaching and fitness qualifications, a PT might be a good fit longer term but starting volunteering would be a start. Does he like being outdoors? Something like a tree surgeon or golf courses greenkeeper could work. But for now just plant the seeds, making sure he's making some progress and is fulfilled and hopefully a direction will emerge.

My neighbours DS was/is like this and is now a fireman who does ironmans for fun and everyone likes and respects him. His mum was pulling her hair out 10yrs ago and is now proud as punch.

@Whyme02830 Have you ever heard of the late Sir Ken Robinson? Maybe see if you can watch some of his lectures on youtube. He talks about school not being right for everyone, and that lots of people simply cannot be pigeonholed into the education system. Try the one where he talks about Gillian Lynne. It could also be worth showing it to your DS.

My child was like this. It was absolutely awful.

Since leaving school, they have completed an apprenticeship, passed their GCSE’s and they are thriving.

Is there anyway your child can leave school now?

I wouldn’t recommend starting College but looking into work place apprenticeships to start with.

Tbh CAMHS haven't been a huge help for my DS (now 17). He is autistic, has ADHD and OCD. They could only help with OCD.

What I think you need is to apply for an EHCP. You can do this yourself, even if you don't have a formal diagnosis. We applied years ago. It has been an uphill battle with the Council, but we got it. Contact your local SENDIASS team and ask for advice. An EHCP will hopefully help and support your DS through his education and enable him to get additional support such as EOTAS. My DS is currently in a setting provided by the Council for teens with additional needs.

Yes it will be different, as long as he has some interest in the trade he’s doing

I was very similar at school, teachers and my own parents said I wouldn’t amount to anything and I believed it , I was diagnosed Dyslexic at 20 and highly likely ADHD ( and I’m 41)

I left school with mainly E’s/F’s GCSE , apart from creative subjects, Art, Drama & Graphics

i went to Art college and thrived and went on to Uni and got a degree

it’s just a case of him finding something he’s actually interested it/ passionate about and it might even take him trying a few things

be patient with him and try help him find his passion

(ADHD hyper focus will kick in once he finds his passion )