Should I leave my teenager to it or push more outside time

[Wherewillthisend]

I’m embarrassed to admit that my 15 year old son has spent the entire day inside today. Not even a minute of sticking his nose out the door. Done a mix of TV, Xbox and revision, but mainly the first two…

Can anyone relate? How do you convince your teens to do anything? Any amount of threats/bribery/discussion no longer works. And it’s not like I can pick him up anymore like when he was little!

or should I just leave him to it. I do try, but end up leaving him and going out myself, but I feel so frustrated with him and myself. We always used to have a rule of outside time every day was a requirement, but he just doesn’t do it anymore, even if I take all the remote controls! 😂

should I just leave him to it, or try harder!? What do you do?

I couldn't get mine to do anything they didn't want to do at that age so I basically gave up and let them get on with it. Eventually most of them grow out of it.

Thank you @herbalteabag thats pretty much how I feel. Even 6 months ago it was different, but now there is just nothing that will convince him otherwise… really hope it’s a “phase” for a few years or so… 😬

I think it’s pretty normal

Think it’s bloody depressing… But guess I just need to get on with my stuff and not let him drag me down with him! 💪🏼🤩☀️

If he's done some revision then I think I would take that as a win and leave him to it for now.

At 15 there is not a chance I can get DS outside like when they were younger. You say revision… has he got GCSEs this year? I’m just delighted that mine seems to be finally getting stuck into his revision. Once that’s done his time is his own. He sounds like a typical teen boy.

I wouldn’t want this continuing once exams are done but if he has friends (and not just gaming friends) then presumably they see each other outside of the house? At the moment that can wait. Mine does go to the gym and see friends but if he didn’t want to I know I couldn’t make him.

I would make your peace with it for now until exams are done and the weather gets warmer. Otherwise you are the only one who’ll get more and more wound up and the end result will be the same anyway. DD was the same at that age and now is out and about quite a lot but still has days where she doesn’t leave the house - but I do think they need down time and a chance to decompress too.

100%. Also in awe that any revision has taken place.

Thanks everyone, makes me feel a lot better! And the revision today has been ok, an bit over an hour. Lordy knows he needs more, but it’s better than nothing. And GCSEs are next year, luckily… Can’t wait to see how that goes…(dripping with sarcasm)😬

Good advice @beasmithwentworth to have a reset of rules once exams are over. Feels like he can do with something, anything that he can, is willing, to do at home that is not screen based.

and has loads of friends that he does see, but no one within walking distance unfortunately… but I usually ferry him around a lot.

I’ve just always left mine to it . As long as they’re working hard in school, have at least one hobby ( doesn’t need to be organised , reading or walking or whatever) which in his case is gaming if he doesn’t do anything else, are responsible with their pt job if the have one, and stick to the house rules ( in my case talk respectfully , help with laundry and dishwasher and clean and tidy up bedroom once a week) then they can crack on .
I always asked and still ask if we are going somewhere and any of them want to come . Usually we are on our own or one of them comes ( it’s rarely all three of them). If none of them come I must admit I also enjoy it being my oh and myself only.
he will get out eventually!

Going against the grain a bit, I don't leave teenagers to it if they are spending the whole day on screens on a regular basis. With mine, I will sometimes insist that they socialise with us (if we have family over, for example). I also still have time limits on gaming and no one in the family watches TV during the day. With less screen availability they are more likely to do other stuff.

I think this is important because in the past we used to be forced to continue to interact with the outside world, mostly because there was nothing interesting to do at home. Now there is so much technology making a teen's bedroom so appealing that you have to artificially create boredom. I also have high expectations around my teenagers' contributions to family and community life. If it's the holidays and they're not working or doing homework, they can be mowing the grass or making the dinner rather than just indulging themselves for 16 hours a day.

Well done.

We also try to encourage it but it is hard. Technology does seem to consume their lives.

DD2 has screen limits but still spend more time on screen than we would like to.

I feel it is a constant battle against screens. They are so addictive.

Thank you @YourSassyPombear and @Raisingteenadvice , I value all the advice I can get.

I really do wish he wasn’t quite so glued to screens. All of his devices have limits, but somehow it still feels like he’s constantly on one thing or another. He’s loved screens since he was tiny, and back then it was so intense that I cut screen time down to almost nothing for a year because his behaviour afterwards was just awful.

Things are obviously different now. And I also have a DD(13) who has a phone but isn’t overly fussed by it and has a much more “typical” relationship with screens. They’re just very different people.