Do your year 7s (age 11/12) go out with friends

[Easterchick02853]

Everyone is different i know, but what are your year 7s doing over the holidays and after school/weekends?

I have an older son and hes always loved going out with friends and has a large group. They bike, play football, manhunt , theme parks mcdonalds etc and have done so since year 7.

My daughter is now year 7. She's alot quieter than him and more a homebody. She has seen friends this break, been bowling, shopping and a sleepover . All good. But they dont go out walking the streets and we dont really want her to either.

I have just been to our local shop and there was a group of 6 girls there who are in her year at school. They were in the other class in her primary year so she knew them but wasnt close with them. They were walking the streets in a group and just hanging around. On the way to our local park.

My daughter is at home today, chilling in pj's and we are having a quiet day. But when I saw them it made me feel abit sad for her . She isn't really at that stage yet either but should I be letting her out like that? Unfortunately her friends dont live in our village so not as easy for her to see them. My sons friends all so happen to live here

Boys and/or their sisters seem to 'play out' (hang around in the green spaces/play areas in the housing estate, chatting or playing football) from Year 6 here. They also bike around the quiet residential streets, and get dropped off at the cinema without an adult/picked up again at the end.
Gradually this increases to getting the bus into the town centre as a group, swimming with friends without a parent at the side etc over the first few years of secondary.

Afaict girls would be quite welcome to do the same, but they don't choose to 'hang out' outside in the same way in the first stages (although they do go into the town centre) - sadly, this might be because the boys are already claiming that space.

At your dd’s age, mine was very much going for long walks, hanging around the makeshift rope swing near the stream on the park, going to the park near school after school with her friends so that she needed picking up.

And unless the local park is unsafe, you should very much be doing this. Being autonomous and risk assessing is a fundamental part of growing up, so it’s important she’s allowed to do age appropriate things the same as her peers.

Your job is to bullet proof your dd as much as possible in readiness for when she’s going out more and by the time she’s 18, you’ll really have little say over what she’s doing. So now is the time to scaffold her and get her thinking about her welfare and that of her friends.

My yr 7 ds does when he can and his friends are available. If friends aren’t allowed he takes himself off for a bike ride around our estate. We live in a relatively safe estate with 2 lovely parks less than a 5 min walk away yet some of ds’s friends aren’t even allowed to the park without an adult 🤦🏽‍♀️ yet are allowed to be online gaming all day. Drives me mad. My ds would love to be outside more. We have life360 so I can see where he is, it’s a fairly nice area so it frustrates me that his mates aren’t allowed out but are allowed to be online all day.
When he goes out it is to go to the shop (buy a slushy or something) then to the park with a football or just on his bike or to a woody bike where he can climb trees and make dens! To others it may look like he is just ‘hanging around’ but kids have done that forever! As long as he isn’t causing trouble (I know areas can differ on where it is safe to be out and about) and he is where he says he is then I am all for it. I feel sorry for his mates who aren’t allowed out.
My dd did the same when she was that age but thankfully had friends who were allowed to get out in the fresh air.
Even my ds3 who is 15 only has a couple of friends who are allowed out which is a shame - he has spent the last few days just playing football with mates whilst some aren’t allowed so are stuck inside

This. All day long.
Was debating this with my dad the other day about how frustrating it is that a lot of kids aren’t allowed out to play. My dad said times have changed - but have they? I can get hold of my dc whenever I want, I can see where they are. Surely they are at more risk of weirdos on the internet that’s when out and about! Obviously this is dependent on the area you live in

Omg. My 17 yo dd knows kids, who are allowed to go to raves and clubbing on fake ID at 16…

Do fake ids still work? 🤣 I know they did back in the day 🙈

If she's able to make friends in your area. You should let her go out for walks.

DD age 13 is a homebody as well (as I was). She is otherwise happy healthy and doing well at school with a great circle of friends. She has zero interest in hanging out at the park with friends or teenage discos. She does meet up with friends occasionally and went shopping last Friday with a friend and she is busy at the weekend with activities. She is very independent and no bother getting the bus herself and things like that. However DD is the complete opposite and we need eyes in the back of our heads to watch her. So basically everyone is different.

By fake ID I mean someone’s actual ID. So a girl a couple of years older than her ‘lost’ her driving licence, gave it to her younger sister, who didn’t use it and dd snaffled it. She’s had it about a year now, she needed it for a 17 plus festival when she was about 2 weeks off age 17. I did tell her several times to give it back. Apparently the girl didn’t need it. So it’s hers now.

My year 7 is always out on his bike any chance he gets! He says that lots of his school friends don’t want to go out and just want to play on their computers , or aren’t allowed out - so not unusual. Luckily he has a few friends who like to go out too, but it seems like they’re the minority in their class.

Exactly, I did this at 15 in the 90s, probably a bit wild looking back, but not being allowed to the local park at age 15 is also wild!

Me too mid/late 80s. First went clubbing on the French exchange age 14 with my exchange partner’s older brother. I can’t remember if my exchange partner came too. Too long ago. I’d be pretty pissed off if a parent had let my dd do that at 14. I was perfectly safe, well sort of. And it was lots of fun in his older brother’s mate’s car. And yes, it’s really reckless of parents not to let 15 year olds out.

No way, none of his friends do either! Only the tough kids roam the streets. They go to each others houses and meet up at the swimming pool but m don’t let him just ‘hang’ around.

Then I must be hugely neglectful as I used to let my dd go and hang with boys from the local ex council estate in year 7. I used to drop her and a couple of friends off to roam the streets, go to one of their houses. That’s because I trust my child. One of them (year below her) is now an under 18 for a Premier League football team, so she chose her friends wisely even back then…

We live in a fairly big estate with a park & shops in the middle of it. My year 6 walks and meets friends (boys & girls, who shes known since reception) in the park, and they generally mess about (playing manhunt too lol) in the areas around the park.

She wants to, and am happy for her to do it. If she didnt want to i wouldnt push it.

did you get with the brother?

Who’s said you’re neglectful? What’s it got to do with council estate kids?

My 11 year old year 7 girl goes out a lot. She goes to the park, shops or sits on some local benches to chat. She sometimes goes out on her bike to the local bike trails.

I wont stop her , if she asks I will say yes. But she has noone to go out with here. Its mostly pensioners where we live .
If her friends were here id let her be with them all the time . My son has had great social development from playing out and is extremely street wise. Where as she is shy and hesitant.
She has a group of 6 close friends at school.
Number 1 friend... Does horse riding and has a horse so is always doing that
Number 2 friend... such a lovely girl but her mum wont let her kids play out and also doesnt return offers of playdates, days out so never get to see her during holidays
Number 3 friend... has been away on holiday with her family so not here
Number 4 friend....lives 5 miles away in a completely different area. They have sleepovers, go shopping
Number 5 friend.... we have taken out with us for the day and have been to their house for tea on one occasion.
Her friends just aren't as accessible to her. Where as my sons are right here and come and knock on the door

My son did my younger daughter is a lot more nervous and wants me to arrange meet ups still.

We clearly have a UK wide crisis in the tragic loss of freedom and outdoor play for children

Id love to turf my 11 year old out to play but she would be alone! I love the sound of kids swinging over streams !

I hope there are still pockets of play like that around....

Its very tiring and stressful parenting in an age where this type of free play has shrunk so much

The norm...for most of human history...until recent years ..would be kids of all ages playing outside together....

Im 48. When I was about 10 in our village kids of all ages played outside all day.

With the older brother’s mate. He was 3 years older. Only snogged.

They’re likely to be more street wise so tougher. And you said you don’t let your dc just hang, whereas I always did. It was tongue in cheek, not meant to be taken to the letter. Dd was in year 7 and 8 for the covid years. They took every chance they could to socialise. And before that, in year 5/6 maybe, they were going out and jumping in the stream in wellies at the park in nicer weather.