Teenage son and worrying lifestyle changes

[Brunolarge]

Morning all
I am worried about my teen son he’s 15 and has recently seemed to become a bit obsessive over his eating habits he’s aiming for 100g of protein every day which means yesterday he had 2x protein shakes and is frying eggs like they are going out of fashion. He spends a lot of time on tik tok and you tube watching fitness videos of fully grown men and body builders. I am trying to talk to him but he has an answer for everything and doesn’t seem to take my advice or want to listen to anything I have to say.
He isn’t overweight but eats a lot of rubbish I have had to move his Easter chocolate so he doesn’t have free access to it while I’m out or at work.
He has recently seemed a bit more moody than usual which I am putting down to hormones but I am worried it could be more sinister and he’s becoming obsessed with his body image. He has a gym membership which is good because he doesn’t have any other hobbies…it hasn’t been for the want of me trying over the years he just doesn’t want to do anything sporty or competitive but he does have a competitive personality

guess I’m just looking to see if anyone’s son has been similar and they have come out the other side

You need to remove his access to TikTok and You Tube , you are allowing him to access things that are inappropriate for his age /stage.

At 15? I don’t think I can do that really

What are you concerned about, exactly? Try and name it, as ‘I worry that…’ and we’ll be able to tailor out support/advice better and it might change the worry from an amorphous large worry to a smaller and easier to deal with one.

I think 100g of protein each day is easily manageable for a 15 year old boy without protein shakes. A reasonable sized chicken breast will give you 50g. An omelette at breakfast with the addition of some extra egg white will give you maybe 20g. Lunch and snacks will give you the rest. You could maybe look into getting him a few books on body building and nutrition? Or find an influencer who is leaning into nutrition without UPFs?

Not allowing him access to his Easter chocolate at 15?!

You're worried about him eating plenty of protein, working out at the gym, and scoffing chocolate eggs? There are a hell of a lot of worse things he could be doing at 15!

my 15 year old got really into this- and going to the gym
I actually love it as he has researched it all himself - from food , supplements and what to do at the gym - he goes to the gym with his friends (he's even taken me) - its just an interest. he's actually eating better than he's ever done ( anything with the word high protein on /muscle etc is seen as good) and he has to cook stuff himself (washing up would be a bonus)
for xmas he got protein powder etc. He's actually looking really fit and healthy

I think its good as long as it isn't too obsessive - i don't think there is anything malevolent in it-

OP are you worried he is maybe taking steroids or may go down that route?

Are you worried he is trying to get a man's body whilst still growing and that there may be health concerns with that?

Are you worried about the mismatch between 'body building' yet still scoffing unhealthy stuff?

Would it help you to have a joint discussion with a fitness instructor at the gym to check he is on a sensible programme for his age?

This is a thing at the moment - I'm not saying it's your ds, because he might just be getting into gym training etc, but I certainly know two of my friends' sons have fallen into a tick tock driven, almost cult.

My ds tells me that what we know is just the tip of the iceberg. They are taking weight loss jabs, but then using steroids into muscle.

In one case, my friend's son's school made a referral to social services (I'm talking about a 17 year old), because of the extreme changes to his body and behaviour.

I'm sure loads of kids are just dabbling, but I'd certainly be talking seriously to him and looking again at which gym he us going to.

A quick google has come up with this:

For teenagers, protein needs are typically based on body weight:
0.8–1.0 g per kg of body weight for general health
up to 1.2–1.7 g per kg if very active (sports, training, muscle growth)

What that looks like in real life

if he weighs 50 kg → needs ~40–50g (normal) or up to ~85g (active)
if he weighs 60 kg → ~48–60g (normal) or up to ~100g (active)
if he weighs 70 kg → ~56–70g (normal) or up to ~120g (active)
So is 100g okay?
✅ Yes if he’s:
(60–70+ kg) and regular sport (swimming, football, gym, etc.)

so sounds like he’s on the right track and ignoring your worrying because you don’t seem to have access to any actual stats. What is your actual worry? It’s good to go to the gym and you need protein if you’re lifting weights. At 15 it’s also quite normal to eat chocolate and be moody. He also seems to have a very anxious mother which would put a cloud on anyone’s mood. Do you think maybe you could direct your attention towards your own anxiety and maybe talk to a professional to figure out what is the actual root of it?

He sounds like a typical teenager to me. Aren’t they all obsessed with how they look at that age?

Just keep the lines of communication open, with no judgement.

I think this is quite a normal phase for boys from 15 to 18. They get into the gym, protein shakes, creatine etc. It is from social media. I let my son go through this phase at his own pace.

I guess I’m just overthinking and worrying I don’t want him to become obsessed with body image. I’m deep down worried about his future and how that might look. He seems to be off with me in general I am trying to be positive to him but when he tells me he’s aiming for 2600 calories a day and ate a whole cheesecake yesterday while out with his friends I’m a bit I’m trying to encourage healthy habits but it goes in one ear and out the other
told him to not be frying eggs this morning while I’m at work one because of the mess all over the kitchen walls from the oil splatters and two because it’s not healthy. I have said I’ll make scrambled when I get home from work but he wasn’t impressed
feel like I can’t do right for wrong at the moment

restricting food from him like you have done with the Easter eggs will lead to food issues when he’s older including binge eating please don’t this

Is he into the manosphere...?

Also, show him how to fry eggs without submerging them in oil. They don't have to be unhealthy.

No I don’t think he is
we have discussed the manosphere and he agreed that their view on women was awful but we didnt really go into it much more than that. I didn’t want to attract attention to it.

Fried eggs are not unhealthy.

I think you need to stop trying to control what he eats and give him his easter chocolate back. No wonder he's moody.

What good advice! And for so many things.

To be clear I haven’t said he can’t have any of it just removed it from his bedroom where he wouldn’t normally keep food. I really am trying to find a balance of not being too controlling but still parenting and not letting him just gorge on chocolate instead of having proper meals

LOL at not wanting to restrict TikTok access but quite happy to restrict chocolate access - talk about skewed priorities!

He’s working out at the gym everyday and is 14, he can eat all the fried eggs he likes. If you’re worried about the mess just teach him how to clean it up. So what if he ate a whole cheesecake yesterday and his aiming for 2600 calories per day? At 14 if he’s tall even without working out he should aim for 2200 calories per day. A cheesecake is about 800 calories, so plenty more left and hardly the end of the world. Is he medically overweight? It sounds like you are the one with a problematic relationship with food and the world in general and projecting this back onto him. The most beneficial thing you could do for him is to get therapy for yourself

Can you take an interest and use it as a journey to go on together, steering him towards scientific papers about healthy balanced diets and exercise?

OP seems to be have a general anxiety towards food and her own health and body image and projecting it back onto her son. She also seems to be worried about her son becoming his own person with his own interests.

At 15, my brother used to do 50 press-ups every morning and every night, had a chin-up bar on his bedroom door and did 10 chin-ups whenever he entered or exited the room (which he referred to as a "door tax"), slept on the bedframe with the mattress replaced by a wooden board, and always ran up stairs. This is just what 15 year old boys do.

My brother is 52 now and still looks 30 - so it paid off.

OP, your kid is fine.