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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Lonely 15 year old…

4 replies

resipsa · 02/04/2026 11:44

DD is Year 10 and I don’t know whether or not to intervene. She had problems with friends In Year 8 and went a bit off the rails but it seemed to settle down in Year 9 when she spent more time at home. It’s now swung completely the other way and she spends most of her out of school time alone at home or with the family. She has said no to invitations to hang out so often that she is no longer asked which makes her sad when she sees all the social media posts. She seems lonely and I am now her sounding board for everything which is becoming exhausting. She really needs peer to peer interaction (to discuss school, music, clothes, the state of the world etc) but claims to find most of her friends annoying. Her social interaction is very limited. I would say she is losing her social skills and I can see how she might be perceived as annoying by other girls although her head of year says all is fine at school. She sleeps a lot. Is it hormones? Depression? When I ask her about any of this she becomes defensive and says she’s fine. I am worried that she will find post-16 education overwhelming unless she learns to develop some other relationships now. Should I do something? What can I do? She says no to going to the GP. Her sister is 10 and very sociable making the situation more stark. She asks to hang out with the 10 year olds but they often say no! This is why I think she is not, in fact, fine but very lonely.

OP posts:
titchy · 02/04/2026 11:48

Extra curricular - guides perhaps? Something sporty, voluntary work? Sleeping is probably a way of avoiding dealing with life. Any ND?

resipsa · 02/04/2026 11:52

She used to go to Guides but gave up along with all other extra curricular… no ND. She wants a job which we are encouraging but no one seems to be taking on under 16s.

OP posts:
NobodysChildNow · 02/04/2026 12:00

My dd is Y10. I noticed the past few years she has become very insular - she actually has lots of friends but can’t be bothered to see them out of school! She chats a lot with friends but never sees them aside from school / walking home or to school.

She is also not ND. She enjoys her own company, her pets, Spotify. I think her martial arts and DofE have been brilliant for her. A friend of hers took up dance recently. Another few joined the gym. I do think this generation needs more organised social activity than we did.

Her best friends are mostly into theatre groups to singing or Kpop , parties and boys (or girls), TikTok; she is a little bit behind in wanting to be a “proper teen”. She made some new friends who love reading so to my surprise now she reads a lot too.

GiuliaGalliParenting · 02/04/2026 14:05

I understand how distressing this can be for you - teenagers go through changes and bring us along with them without instructions!
The main objective for you is to bridge the relationship and create trust with her, without judgement or solutions, just listening and empathising. Help her grow some confidence in herself, reinforcing what she does well (honestly and organically) and help her see her value. Once this is stronger she will feel more confident interacting externally.

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