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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Lonely 15 year old…

9 replies

resipsa · 02/04/2026 11:44

DD is Year 10 and I don’t know whether or not to intervene. She had problems with friends In Year 8 and went a bit off the rails but it seemed to settle down in Year 9 when she spent more time at home. It’s now swung completely the other way and she spends most of her out of school time alone at home or with the family. She has said no to invitations to hang out so often that she is no longer asked which makes her sad when she sees all the social media posts. She seems lonely and I am now her sounding board for everything which is becoming exhausting. She really needs peer to peer interaction (to discuss school, music, clothes, the state of the world etc) but claims to find most of her friends annoying. Her social interaction is very limited. I would say she is losing her social skills and I can see how she might be perceived as annoying by other girls although her head of year says all is fine at school. She sleeps a lot. Is it hormones? Depression? When I ask her about any of this she becomes defensive and says she’s fine. I am worried that she will find post-16 education overwhelming unless she learns to develop some other relationships now. Should I do something? What can I do? She says no to going to the GP. Her sister is 10 and very sociable making the situation more stark. She asks to hang out with the 10 year olds but they often say no! This is why I think she is not, in fact, fine but very lonely.

OP posts:
titchy · 02/04/2026 11:48

Extra curricular - guides perhaps? Something sporty, voluntary work? Sleeping is probably a way of avoiding dealing with life. Any ND?

resipsa · 02/04/2026 11:52

She used to go to Guides but gave up along with all other extra curricular… no ND. She wants a job which we are encouraging but no one seems to be taking on under 16s.

OP posts:
NobodysChildNow · 02/04/2026 12:00

My dd is Y10. I noticed the past few years she has become very insular - she actually has lots of friends but can’t be bothered to see them out of school! She chats a lot with friends but never sees them aside from school / walking home or to school.

She is also not ND. She enjoys her own company, her pets, Spotify. I think her martial arts and DofE have been brilliant for her. A friend of hers took up dance recently. Another few joined the gym. I do think this generation needs more organised social activity than we did.

Her best friends are mostly into theatre groups to singing or Kpop , parties and boys (or girls), TikTok; she is a little bit behind in wanting to be a “proper teen”. She made some new friends who love reading so to my surprise now she reads a lot too.

GiuliaGalliParenting · 02/04/2026 14:05

I understand how distressing this can be for you - teenagers go through changes and bring us along with them without instructions!
The main objective for you is to bridge the relationship and create trust with her, without judgement or solutions, just listening and empathising. Help her grow some confidence in herself, reinforcing what she does well (honestly and organically) and help her see her value. Once this is stronger she will feel more confident interacting externally.

loopylocks · 20/06/2026 07:39

Hi @resipsajust wanted to let you know you are not alone. I’m in the same position - almost identical in fact right down to your description of your DD.

My DD is very lonely - no sleepovers or hang outs Every weekend and holiday at home. I am her sounding board and companion which is a bit exhausting - I get to the end of the day and realise I’ve had no headspace for me.

It’s been going on a for a couple of years now (she’s 15) and I’ve helped her muddle through by saying things will change/ you never know what’s around the corner. It never does change though. She does try to initiate meet ups with a few people but her efforts are met with lukewarm responses or they say yes then pull out on the day. She then sees the same people meeting up with others so it’s hard for her not to conclude that they just don’t like her enough (which I guess must be true). She did have a very close friend who moved away in year 8 and another fairly good friend moved away in year 9 and she’s been at sea ever since.

We are basically counting down the days of each term / school year and waiting for the next possible fresh start. I think the trouble is there’s not much we can do to help change things at this age eg in terms of arranging play dates. I’ve encouraged joining clubs but it’s a flat no. I keep hoping she’ll get a boyfriend as that might open up some friendships but she’s shy plus never goes out socialising so can’t see it happening.

It’s all a bit sad and it makes me wonder whether I’ve done something wrong as a parent which has led to this.

waterrat · 20/06/2026 08:48

On what basis are you saying she is not Nd ?

You are describing a classic presentation of autism. Can come across as annoying...says no to social events but still wishes she had friends. Talks to adults over peers. Struggles socially.

user1469565563 · 20/06/2026 09:15

waterrat · 20/06/2026 08:48

On what basis are you saying she is not Nd ?

You are describing a classic presentation of autism. Can come across as annoying...says no to social events but still wishes she had friends. Talks to adults over peers. Struggles socially.

I was thinking exactly the same. So many girls get "missed" and go on to struggle as young women. My DD was diagnosed with autism in year 10 and ADHD in year 12. She is just like the OPs daughter, and it never crossed our minds before year 9 or so. The loss of social skills is due to burnout from masking and trying to "be normal".

XelaM · 20/06/2026 09:35

@loopylocks and @resipsa So sorry to hear this. I must say Year 10 was the worst year for my daughter with friendship dramas. It was awful. Year 11 was much much better. If either of you are in London pm me and maybe we can get our teens to connect (I have a 16-year-old who's super lovely if I say so myself 😀) - who knows, they might get on

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/06/2026 12:02

user1469565563 · 20/06/2026 09:15

I was thinking exactly the same. So many girls get "missed" and go on to struggle as young women. My DD was diagnosed with autism in year 10 and ADHD in year 12. She is just like the OPs daughter, and it never crossed our minds before year 9 or so. The loss of social skills is due to burnout from masking and trying to "be normal".

I agree with both your posts. I asked a couple of people, who I thought knew more than me, only to be told me no, not your dd. I otoh really thought she was, especially as she got older and I should have listened to my gut! It’s only when she developed an eating disorder that my thoughts were validated… and the ED is a very worrying alternative to burn out.

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