Why the fuck do I bother?

[FedUpMessedAroundMum]

So I did everything 'right' or so to speak. I gave up my career to be a stay at home mum until they went to school, I took a back seat to his career to ensure I was there for every playdate, every sports day. Every. Fucking . Thing.

He was a complete shite, I've finally got free of him after 23 years, and I am still the total dogs body. He still does nothing, they still adore him, he can do no wrong.
I still run around doing all school /college arrangements, all doctors, dentists, friends stuff.
They act like I'm a mild irritant in their life that they have to put up with, but would rather be free of.

I'm done with it. I'm so ready to tell them to just fuck off, except I love them body and soul.

Do anyone else feel like his? Just me?

I work full time, have kids, and think this post is bollocks.

This daft obsession that kids can only respect parents who work. It’s pure mince.

Kids respect parents who have taught them how to show respect.

You do have to explain to kids what you do for them, and teach them to show appreciation. They will just take it for granted if you don’t. I’ve taught my kids to show appreciation, so that they show appreciation to others and are able to firm good relationships.

OP, if your kids are boys it is natural for them to gravitate towards their Father at these ages. They are evolved to do it. It’s how they learn to be a man.

Just got back from a family holiday with my 18 and 11yr old boys.
Didn't want to take the eldest but felt like we couldnt leave him out.
Totally ruined the holiday with his rudeness and entitlement.
Wasted our money on two attractions because he caused a row and walked through it at top speed and then waited outside.
Had me in tears at least three times.
When pulled up on it several times he lashed out and said some horrible things,erupted into a row on the street in which he squared up to his dad!
Whenever he's.not around it's like a weight lifted and the day after the row he went off on his own, and we had a nice relaxing day without him.
I do feel disappointed,unloved and taken for granted.
Feel like stopping doing anything for him now we are back at home.
He doesn't interact with any of us-only if he wants something.
On holiday he told us that he likes being in his room alone and we should just leave him to it,when we try to get him involved or ask him where he's going etc etc-thats trying to control him according to him!

Yes! Agree with this so much!

Imho, judging from the experience of me and my friends, teens whose mothers worked gave them a hard time for being absent, , and teens whose mothers were sahps got flack for not being out in the world enough. Both sets of teens compared each group of parent unfavourably to one another 😀

This isn’t about sahps v wohps, this is about teens kicking back and rejecting their parents values in order to convince themselves that they are ready to launch forward in to adulthood.

And until they feel readily equipped and confident enough to actually live independently and be who they want to be, you and they will be stuck in this frustrating In-between state which is difficult for everyone.

The teen bedroom where they spend lots of time alone is representative of that half-way stage: independence of sorts but within the supportive framework of home.

All of these issues need time and patience and I believe that societal norms today where young people have so few opportunities to test their freedom and independence in safe environments is not helping!