Self Harming Teen - Extreme.

[GruffGoatie]

I really need some advice from other parents, I am so out of my depth.
My DD14 was undertaking some mild self harm last year, which I noticed and took her to the GP. We got referred to mental health but in that time as it was taking ages, I got a privately paid therapist and my DD sees her 4x a month which I assumed was working. This started back in October.

My DD is very sensitive, potentially on the spectrum, and can't manage her emotions.

She woke me up at midnight today, crying. I assumed she had a nightmare and followed her into her room where I found her essentially covered in blood. She had cut all her arms from upper to wrist both sides and legs from knee down. It's 1000s of thin but nasty cuts. She said she did this using a blade she removed from a pencil sharpener at school.
I obviously took her into hospital where we still are and she's bandaged up like a mummy and it's being handed to social services.

I am completely at a loss. Obviously my DD has extreme emotions that she can't cope with. But she's seeing a counsellor four times a month and I thought had coping mechanisms in place. I'm so so angry as well that she's done this. I imagine she'll be scarred for life from this. Please help, anyone who's experienced this. I don't know what to do to help her. She bottles everything up.

Hi OP, this must have been a horrible shock for all of you.

The counselling just may not be helpful until there’s an understanding of what might be going on for her. If she experiences high emotion and possibly had autism then counselling just isn’t the answer.

Getting her assessed is possibly key but in the meantime she doesn’t need a diagnosis for strategies to be put in place to help manage her overwhelm and overload.

What’s the referral process in your area and what’s the waiting list? Find out ASAP and get the ball rolling. Sometimes it’s paediatrics, sometimes it’s CAMHS or a standalone team. You can also ask for assessment through Right To Choose. A friends son had an assessment really quickly this way.

Starting to understand what the triggers are is key but she may not actually fully know herself so it takes a bit of detective work.

Crowds, social situations, school work, friendship stuff, demand of any kind. What is it that’s hardest for her?

There’s lots of resources online about autism in girls, zones of regulation, behaviour strategies. She may not have autism but the resources might still help you and her.

Please don’t show any anger to her and don’t mention permanent scarring, you don’t want to shame her at this point as it could escalate things further. She’s not doing this on purpose.

How scary and awful for you all. She’s using this as a maladaptive coping mechanism. It’s possible she’s struggling to access the therapy. Have you had feedback from the therapist? Do you know what strategies were discussed to try and reduce self harming?

it’s good that a referral has been made to SC and hopefully you both get support.

This is really useful thank you. She had mentioned to the GP about thinking she had autism and the GP had started this but I will go back and ask for right to choose to be started so we can get an assessment.
I haven't mentioned to her about scarring but it's on my mind and I'm so worried she'll get bullied for it. It tends to be the school social aspect and her fellow teen girls who are apparently all having a crisis and she feels so responsible for them, she's so caring that she takes on other people's emotions to heart.

It's incredibly scary and I feel so unprepared as a parent for this. Her father has a history of mental health issues and I'm now so worried this is starting her on that path too and how I can stop this. The therapy was going well apparently according to my DD and she had things like art, drawing, fidget toys etc but for some reason today she decided to not use any of that and go straight for serious self harm.

Counselling takes a while to work.

it’s unfortunately not as simple as teen goes to counselling means no more self harm.

in the case of my dd the counsellor taught her techniques to help her to deal with the impulses to self harm.

I was involved in this - it does help if you know what techniques the counsellor is teaching. Other advice includes removing any sharp objects or anything that could be used for self harm from her room /joint rooms in the house.

i talked to my dd and we agreed that she would talk to me at any time day or night if she felt she needed to self harm. I had some 3am wake ups which were not fun but did help her stop harming herself.

this is surprisingly common.

I don’t have anything practical to add that hasn’t already been said, but you have my empathy as a mother of an adult child with MH illness. It must have been a huge huge shock for you and traumatic to see your daughter in that state.

Please remember to take care of yourself. You’ll be full of adrenaline. Basic care; hydration, food and hygiene. Try and take time for yourself each day too, to do something you enjoy. This could easily take over your whole world and you’ll end up drowning. Please take care of yourself.

I have been speaking to her today on this exact thing and said please going forwards tell me before you self harm, any time, and I will sit with you and we can watch movies or do whatever you like, even a 4am walk.
Regarding the counsellor did you need to find one who specifically deals with self harming? I'm concerned maybe this therapist doesn't have the necessary experience as she hasn't given me any techniques to follow. I will talk to her but also look for someone else who might have more experience.

If she's autistic (which appreciate you dont know yet) then you will likely need an autism-informed counsellor.

If you think autism is likely and can scrape 2k together then I suggest you look at a private assessment from a centre who follow the same methodology (ADOS) as the nhs. It will be much quicker, which is important given her age.

To add: the self harm is a coping mechanism, a symptom. To stop it you need to tackle the cause.