DD refusing school

[Ieightxmaz]

My 14DD refuses to go to school because she absolutely hates it.
she’s struggled academically from a young age and cannot retain much of what she is taught. This slowly killed her motivation and she just stopped trying by around year 8.
We are waiting for an autism/adhd assessment to be completed as she has shown signs for many years, but I never had the support to do anything about it.
She barely has friends and when she does she gets overwhelmed by socialising too much and backs off. The friends then think she is ghosting them and stop talking to her. Teachers think she is being rude/lazy/disruptive when she is masking because she doesn’t understand the work.
I had a meeting with her school and they said they would put measures in place when she has her diagnosis. I’m not sure how much longer that will take.
one particular teacher keeps picking on her so she refuses to go to school on the days she has this lesson with this teacher. She has panic attacks and upset stomach on these days. I reported it and someone spoke to the teacher, she backed off for one week and then began picking on DD again. DD attendance isn’t good as a result, but no one is willing to help or make adjustments I just get threats of being fined. I’d be happy for this lesson to be dropped for the sake of her mental health but I don’t think that is allowed.
DD has asked me to home school her, which I’m willing to do, but my concern is related to GCSEs. Chances of her passing any is extremely low, yet she really wants to go to college to become a vet. I don’t want to isolate her any more than she currently is but I also don’t want her to feel this way about school.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation, how did you resolve it?
if you were in my shoes what would you do?
tia

I took dd
to camhs. They wrote a letter, with a supporting one from her school, to get her a place with the medical education team in our local area.

similar position with dyslexia diagnosis plus waiting to get checked out for autism/adhd. We have been looking at other options to move her or the online high schools. I am adamant that my daughter will not finish school traumatised by a system that can’t support her.
have a look at Minerva Academy- I believe they have good capacity for ‘socialising’ albeit online, and for support. If she’s not making friends/socialising anyway and you suspect autism then I don’t think you have much to lose by home/online schooling, and it would take the pressure off to be comfortable in her own skin whilst she gets through her GCSEs. If she’s feels able she could try FE college, when the time comes having built confidence from being out of a horrible school environment, and I would encourage some hobbies done in a group perhaps depending on the interaction of the online high school?

good luck x

My dd wanted to be a pilot for a few years and only reconciled that she couldn’t be one in year 11. Due to her medical condition, she’d never be accepted. Sometimes we can’t do what we can’t do. If I were you, I’d be gently steering her to look towards doing something with animals at a college. This sort of thing. https://www.rutland.gov.uk/rutland-information-service/directory/ethf9wrzfjk. If your dd doesn’t pass her maths and English, she can do these at 16 as well so all is not lost.

As for her school right now, I’m so sorry she’s acting up in this way because of possible neurodivergence. Upset stomachs are a real sign of stress and anxiety. The school sound absolutely awful. Can you escalate to the head then the governors? Can you get help from your GP? If your dd is on the waiting list for an assessment, can you use right to choose?

She now has the Easter break to decompress. If home schooling is an option, maybe that is best for her. But idk if she’s in the right frame of mind to do something like that. Only you can tell and as you say, you don’t want to isolate her further.

The other option is to get her into college right now to do maths and English only for GCSE. These really are enough for her to do well in life if she has the right scaffolding and does the courses, which are right for her. For example, I know a lad, who got into university last year for a very specific design course with 3 GCSEs (the 3rd was Art). He went to college for 2 years and got really decent grades.