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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

So worried for my daughter

5 replies

Zaza365 · 19/03/2026 20:18

My middle daughter was always my easiest. So chilled, so laid back and kind empathic to others.
She struggled academically at school and was bullied badly.
She left school and went college and was attacked on her second day as a 'mistaken identity'. It ruined her. She dropped out, lost her friends and took her a long time to recover.
She got a job in a cafe and thrived. She was back to her smiley friendly self. She earned money and became more independent. She flourished!
In November last year she told me that she had met a boy and she loved him. She began to become argumentative at home and refused to help around the house. She would bite at everything I said. One evening there was row as I had said that maybe she should go on contraception, tidy her room etc.
she left home that night and moved in with his family an hour away. She cut all contact with me for 9 months and it was unbearable.
On Monday she called me to say that he had cheated on her and would I collect her which I did. It turns out that none of his family work and claim benefits for everything. He is part of a gang and carries knives. He has many convictions and see no need to work and neither should she. She left her job when she left me.
She tells me last night that she loves him, that she misses him and wants to go back to him.
I cannot stop her she is now 19. She has really let go of herself and has very little self worth. Doesn't want to work, doesn't want to make friends.
I'm so worried for her and I'm trying very hard not to tell her that he is no good for her.
Anyone been through similar?

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 20/03/2026 04:29

Surely telling her he's no good for her is exactly what you need to do/get across to her.

ChikinLikin · 20/03/2026 05:42

She needs a fresh start somewhere that is more exciting than him. Australia? New Zealand? Another UK city? Do you have any friends or family that could host her while she finds a cafe job somewhere new?

ChikinLikin · 20/03/2026 05:44

She also needs therapy to raise her self esteem and confidence as she's had a lot of trauma.

Whyischocolatebadforyou · 20/03/2026 06:12

Keep communicating! Don't criticise him and treat it like you would a DV situation. I am not saying that he is violent but just that the advice to be there as a safety net and being non judgemental is applicable. This website has some ideas.

yourbestfriend.org.uk/timetostepin

Zaza365 · 20/03/2026 06:48

Morning all thank you for your input. @BusterGonadi sooo want to tell her that she is wasting her life and that he is dragging her down to his level. The thought of knives and gangs makes my blood run cold. You never think your child is going to be involved in that. She is not living she is existing. @ChikinLikin @Whyischocolatebadforyou her self esteem is so low that she must feel that this is the best she can do with her life. The toll of bullying and my husband and I's divorce (she has no relationship with her dad) has all played a part in this. She is spending time here with her little sister who is thrilled to have her home too. She has an interview today at a care home locally. I am being very positive and gently motivating her to believe that this could be a new beginning for her.
I cannot afford to take her away but my goodness I wish I could.
I will suggest therapy over the weekend as she has had this before when she was bullied.
let's see what today brings. She is the loveliest funniest kindest girl and I need that girl back x
thank you for all your advice I appreciate it.

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