15-year-old struggling with immaturity, clumsiness and school, could this be SEN?

[BettyBluebell123]

Really struggling to help my son Jacob. He is 16 in a few months but acts so much younger. I wish I had got him assessed years ago but hindsight is a wonderful thing! Just wondering if anyone has a son/daughter similar age who struggles the same. He is the most kindest boy and is so polite to new people he meets but these are a few examples of his struggles at home/school which can be frustrating for all of us:

1. One of his brothers gets angry very easily and when he's upset Jacob will purposely pull faces or wind him up further, then they will fight whilst I'm trying to split them up. This is a regular occurrence.

1. He is unbelievably clumsy, falls over quite a lot, he has very jerky movements so for example when he's pouring squash he seems to twitch a lot. He split a lot of his coco pops up the stairs this morning and regularly spills drinks when walking into the room with one.

1. Academically struggles massively, hasn't got higher than a 2 in his mock gcse's (mostly 1's), school are hopeless in giving him any support and I have pushed so many times. He is on the SEN register but barely gets extra help. The school is rubbish and got a requires improvement from Ofsted which says it all. Mentioned moving him back in year 10 but he didn't want too. Going to college hopefully soon to study performing arts as he really enjoys dance at the minute at home, though like most things he thinks he's an expert straight away without any training on things, doesn't seem to understand things take time to learn.

1. Gets fixated on things once he has an interest in something, said I would get him an RC boat soon and will message me even when he's in school multiple times to ask if I've got it yet (never fully focused on school as things like this seems to distract his mind). He also daydreams a lot but mainly distracted too easily.

1. Always struggled socially, never had friends for long. I've been told he is quite immature in class, and other children have said he winds them up and will say something to someone and run away like he enjoys the chase (I have always worried he will get really hurt one day). He doesn't go out with any friends, to be honest I would worry if he did with how many people he's had problems with it over the years as he's been picked on a lot.

1. Does not look after himself or his things, he will go days without a shower if I let him, will regularly have a messy face or a dirty nose. Every day his trousers and top will have food spillages/mess on after school. He also put t-shirts on backwards and not realise till I tell him, even trousers the other day!

I hate saying all the negatives about him as he is a lovely boy when he isn't giving me typical teenage attitude! These are just a few examples. But I'm just looking to see if anyone else has a teen with similar struggles and if you have a diagnosis or awaiting diagnosis? Or any ideas to help him?

Thanks everyone x

Some of this is fairly normal teenage stuff - if you promise a teen something they want they’ll generally hassle a lot etc.

grade 1s at gcse however are pretty low academically and quite unusual unless there is Sen.
how has he done throughout school? Is his reading ok? What were his sats like?

that having been said if he has plans for what he wants to do post gcse (and presumably not academic study) and he is interested in it then this is a very good thing

You may want to report your post to get your son's name redacted (u less you changed it).

I think there could well be something going on. Clumsiness indicates towards dyspraxia, but honestly dyspraxia, dyslexia, ASD, ADHD all have overlapping features so it is worth your while looking into all of these or finding someone (Ed Psych?) who can look across all of these.

Not sure whether dance at college fits well with clumsiness?

With my dyspraxic DDs we had rules about where food and drink were (hint, not being carried upstairs).

Has the SENCO assessed him? He may qualify for exam access arrangements.

He didn't do any sats because of covid so he missed out on that. He has always struggled throughout primary and secondary, they were beginning to do an EHCP in year 6 but then COVID struck and everything seemed to get lost. I regret not following it all up when he started secondary but he did seem to be doing ok at the start of year 7 to begin with.
I really feel angry at myself for not pushing the school more but they should have realised how much he struggles too. I've been to the doctor's previously who told me it's the school who need to refer so never get anywhere.

It looks like you have really failed your son here by not getting this assessed earlier.

It is easy to miss things and assume the school knows what it is doing.

I think an urgent email to the SENCO setting out concerns and asking for meeting.

Wow, not helpful.

DS has ASD and dyspraxia, maybe that's what's going on for you son - certain things remind me of him. It's very easy to overlook and put things down to this or that - and can be difficult to get help without school support. It sounds like he's really struggling academically - how is his reading/writing? If he really struggles there i wouldn't rule out dyslexia either - has he been screened? Or even ADHD if he struggles with concentration.

Can you afford to pay to see an ed psych? Get an idea of what he might need assessing for? Often the pathways are different I think so you can't get assessed for a whole range of possible ND conditions. I would also see if he will agree to getting assessed for ASD and see if school will screen for dyslexia if they haven't already and he struggles with reading.

An assessment would be an urgent priority I would say.

Hey op.

Have you had a look at dyspraxia ad a possibility?

If you do your research theres loads things you can try at home to help.