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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How can I help my 14 year old stay focused at school?

2 replies

Pinkroom · 17/03/2026 12:58

My 14 year old DS is a lovely boy inside, however of late he has become so disengaged with school. Had parents evening the other day and basically every single teacher said the same. He's a good lad but is away with the fairies, gets distracted and silly with his mates, no effort with work does bare minimum etc.
Homework is always complete but rushed and I know he could do better.
He's late to school or lessons quite often because quite honestly he moves at a snail pace.
He loses everything and I mean everything. I am constantly buying new uniform and pens etc.
Now his science teacher has just phoned to say she's concerned about him he's not making any effort and he's lost his 3rd book this term.

I don't know what to do with him. I've tried nagging, reminding, talking, removing phone, nothing works and then I have other people saying leave him to it and he can reap the consequences. But then I just gets calls or emails from the school and I genuinely don't know what else to do! Really hoping it's a phase.

Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Twasasurprise · 17/03/2026 13:04

Sounds like my middle son, down to every detail. It also became very obvious at a similar age. He's just been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at 16. Something to consider.

BTW, the school were no help with identifying SEN as he masked so well, was in top sets for everything, etc.

ICanLiveWithIt · 19/03/2026 08:10

How does he feel about it? Does he acknowledge the problem? Is he frustrated he's not able to do what everyone else seems to be able to do with ease? Does he want help? Does he wonder about a diagnosis?

Or is he trying to obviously show he doesn't care about school to avoid being bullied, or to be cool?

Or does he just not care? Does he not see the value in school? Does he dislike his teachers? Do they dislike him? Does he have other things on his mind which feel bigger and more important than this?

What happened around the time he became disengaged at school? Move to year 10 and it all feels more serious, higher workload etc? Something happened with his friends? Romantic relationship? Something happened at home, death, divorce, abuse, money stress, etc?

Different solutions for different thoughts.

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