17-year-old wants me home, but ignores me when I am

[Victoria0205]

i recently started a new relationship 6m ago (my first one in 10y!) and I spend 3-4 nights a week at his house, my 17y old son wants me home 5-6 nights, however when I am home he never leaves his room, never sits with me, hardly even talks some time. I always make sure there is plenty of food for him and his washing is done but anything I do is never good enough, am I being selfish finally wanting my own life? He does as he pleases; goes to the gym when he wants, out with his mates, but still wants me here - and I sit alone every night x

He seems (maybe) a little immature, but then, if he's alone for most of the week, maybe it's unnerving? My sons are 17 and wouldn't feel like that, but there's two of them.

I think you need to accept that he is growing up but he's still basically a kid. He wants the security of you there. Also, if he's anything like my 17 year olds and their peer group, they seem a little more immature, possibly because they were the year that missed out on moving from primary to secondary.

I think if you care so little about your ds, and you don’t care about wanting a relationship with him once he leaves home; then yeah it’s fine to continue to live outside your home half the week 🙄
good god! Stop being selfish and putting a relationship before your child.

It’s a hard one. In Scotland 17 year olds are frequently miles away from home at university.

However you have to deal with the child you have. Do you think he’s genuinely uncomfortable/ scared being alone or is he just annoyed you’re not there providing services?

There’s a balance to be reached between the two extremes of finishing/abandoning parenting at 17 and allowing a male to grow up thinking that his mum’s life must continue to revolve around him only forever.

You remind me of my mum. She was gone so much when I was a teenager and she met her shiny new partner. I was so alone at a time I was learning who I was amd a bit lost. My home was empty and free of adults. I never felt like she wanted to be around me. She thought she'd done her job too but I needed her as much as ever.

Now I'm older I dont have much of a relationship with her. The fact she dropped me so quickly made me wonder if she ever actually enjoyed being my mum.

You poor child :( 17 is no age and I dont care that at 18 they are deemed adults, we were too and if I could go back to 17/18 years of age I would wish my parents behaved differently.
I love coming home and having time with my kids of similar ages and having a nice warm feeling in the house with some lights on, tv even on for emotional support noise, the comfort of cooking smells and the smells and sounds of even things like a washing machine on just knowing they are not alone in the house. Its a cosy warm family type feeling that I never had and dont want my kids to experience even if like now they are all in their rooms they know mum is downstairs if they need anything. It feels lonely for them otherwise.

How did you come up with that one ?🙄
She has said she hasn’t been in a relationship for 10 years .
Her son is used of having his mom at home . Staying away 3/4 nights a week is far too much , he’s 17 not 27 !
My youngest is 15 , next up is 18 , both girls , & if I was seeing someone, they would see me one night over the weekend , it would be the night I know my 18 year old is home with my younger girl .

I admitted to a pp I got it wrong a few pages ago

Poor parenting.

Apologies pp , didn’t see that 🙂

Exactly this .
It’s that homely feelings us moms bring to our home with our children .
They love to hear us pottering around .
They feel comforted knowing we are there .
I don’t mean OP shouldn’t have a life , but being away for 3/4 nights is too much being honest & her son is feeling lonely , he is only 17 .

He is still a child. He is telling you that he needs you.