18yo not many friends

[Justpink101]

My ds has just turned 18. I do worry about him. Is anyone else in the same boat?

He always seems to have struggled a bit with friends. So for example, at primary school he had one good friend but other than that no play dates,, he did get invited to lots of parties and I was always friendly with the other parents but it never really got beyond that. I had a few children over but the invite was never reciprocated Him and the friend they drifted apart once they started secondary school.

He had a friendship group at secondary school but it never really extended beyond school. There was maybe 2/3 boys he’d meet up with, so he’d go out like maybe once during the school holidays. The rest of the time he was home and I really worried about him.

The thing is the lad who was his best mate eventually dropped him which seems to be a recurring theme.

Once he left school he seemed to be best mates with 3 other lads, but again, two of them eventually dropped him and made new friends they just stopped accepting his invites. He used to go running regularly with one of them but the lad stopped wanting to go but ds found out he was going running with a new friend.

He has a girlfriend so spends a fair bit of time with her, he has a friend from college who he meets up with occasionally for a shared hobby and another lad who he meets up with very occasionally.

All through his childhood I took him to football, scouts and made sure he had hobbies.

I know that there is nothing really that I can do but I just wonder why he always ends up getting dropped from his friendships.

Is anyone else in a similar boat with their child?

This was me when i was younger. I’ve just never really connected with people that well. I think i was more isolated than your son sounds. I’ve had a happy enough life though so far - age 46. I have DH and children and just one friend that i see from time to time.

is your son happy or those this situation upset him?

Honestly I don't think it's a big issue, but depends on what he's like otherwise.

Is he driven? Is he maybe less interested in the kinds of things kids his age usually are? Does he have particular interests/ goals? Does he perhaps get on better with adults/people he has things in common with?

A friendship group isn't a be all end all. Other things in life can be more important, such as being able to be your true self, not being held back by the company you keep or social pressure to be 'cool'. He has a girlfriend, so he clearly has something going for himself.

I was way different from my peers, e.g. I wasn't at all interested in parties, drinking, boys etc. I was interested in particular subjects and wanted to excel, move away from home, start my own business etc. I went to finance seminars and fashion shows while kids my age went clubbing.

It's worked out pretty well for me and I have a very fulfilling life, but quite different from my peers. While I am open to social relationships and can maintain some with a fair degree of aloofness, I don't want to be around people that I am not aligned with, and I don't want to invest time and effort in friends and family for the sake of it. It needs to be the right people I actually click with, not a box ticking exercise.

Perhaps the friendships your son had did not work out because the parties involved in them were just not a good match? At a young age, people grow very fast in terms of their direction in life, and I've learned there's no point forcing yourself to socialise with people who have completely different goals and values.

He is ok but I think he is a bit hurt that he’s been ditched by some of his friends, he can’t really understand why.

He’s got plenty going for him, he’s bright, keeps fit, learning to drive, has a part time job.

I do wonder sometimes if he can be a bit marmite and rubs some people up the wrong way. It’s difficult to put your finger on.