Snapchat advice argh!

[Coatsoff42]

What do you do with snapchat? I’ve found my DD (14) messaging a complete stranger in New York and getting some dubious videos sent. If any of my friends had sent them I would have thought they were drunk and very wierd. She won’t tell me how she met this person, she’s sent one selfie that I can see, but she says she chats to five people she doesn’t know who are ‘all girls’
I don’t have friends or family with older teens so I don’t know what people do generally. She’s surprisingly secretive about it all, its all blown up since I asked to look at her phone, she hid it when I walked in the room which was a bit concerning, so now I’m very worried that she’s chatting to five perverts.

I don’t want to overreact and make her more secretive, but I am worried there’s something a bit off. Is chatting to strangers normal?

Not in my experience of having teenagers no. Mine were quite aware that the internet was populated with sexual predators because it’s something we talked about a lot. I never shielded them from the realities of what can happen. I’ve also always banged on about don’t say anything to anyone online that you wouldn’t want me, your dad, your headteacher, your best friend and so on to see or read.

It’s been ever thus that teenagers think that they are invincible and that we adults are fools who know nothing about anything. We’ve never lived or done anything mildly interesting or dangerous. And it’s part of growing up to start keeping things from your parents. But small things not snap chatting five people you don’t know. It’s your job to get her to understand what is happening and what could further happen.

You could watch the programme on iplayer about it. It’s called something like ‘internet stalker online killer’.

@ChinaPlates thank you, I did think I gone on about internet strangers a lot, but obviously not enough. I will have a look at that programme. It’s so depressing to be always finding new things to worry about, I asked my two teens this morning and they say it’s normal to chat to strangers (!) and I am too strict (!)

She’s just said she’d rather not have a phone than tell us the password, or show her Dad the chats, so thats that problem resolved. FML.

Mine atent allowed snapchat. Its a cesspit

I’ve only just let my 16 year old daughter have snap chat. We bang on about stranger danger too. The internet is a scary place!

The iplayer programme is quite shocking but also that's what they need to be protected from. Not necessarily meeting up with someone and being raped or murdered.

Chatting to strangers definitely isn’t normal. Your dd could have all sorts of issues. This is how they get groomed. You don’t know the password to your dd’s phone? This is a mistake. Dh, dd and I all have the same code. Dd is 17 and thinks she has to have the same password as us. Whilst we no longer look at her phone, I’m not telling her she could change it.

I see your dd has decided she’d rather be without a phone. I would be suspicious of this tbh. She will just log onto her account when with her friends or one of them may slip her a spare phone. She doesn’t need an active phone either to phone or video call over Snapchat. She can also use Snapchat on an iPad or tablet so you need to be doing more than just removing her phone.

Seeing as there are so many ways to circumvent this, it’s about educating her. Are there any older teens / early 20s in the family or your friend’s kids, who would talk to her. It needs to be more than just one conversation and it would be helpful if you and her dad could both talk to her etc.

Please read my post. Problem not resolved.

She can log on to a different device and access Snapchat.
One of my unbreakable rules for DD having a mobile phone was she was not allowed to change the password to one we didn't know.
I think your DD is hiding something.