Teen with ADHD making false safeguarding claims about parents, need advice

[user1495827045]

I am beyond devestated this evening, our son started secondary school in September, in December we received a call from Safeguarding to say he had got upset and told them that his dad had strangled him, I was slapping his leg which had been happening for a long period of time, shut him out the house and called him rude words. I explained he was going through his adhd assessment and it was the other way round that he hurts us and how his perception can be totally different to what has happened.
In February we got another call - a teacher had heard him telling a friend that he hates us as we are horrible parents.
Then today I got another call stating that during a lesson he had called me scary although the teacher took it as he was trying to be funny with his friends but went on to say that last week when he was disregulated he told an adult that I had slapped him due to an argument with his sister (something I wasnt even aware of!) And that we lock him out the house, slap him, lock him in his bedroom (his bedroom doesnt even have a lock) needless to say none of this true and I could sit and defend this on here but I don't have enough words to describe quite how heartbroken we are. I told school this and they suggested a meeting to talk about the impact of saying these things and the possible consequences. I feel scared to say anything to him now incase he makes a further allegation. I have tried to talk to him but he just says 'go away' or 'your being mean' and gets cross. Please no judgement, I just need some advice or signposting. (He was diagnosed with adhd in January).

Get camera in your house now. Sounds like he will keep on and in doing this. My step sone did this before and we put cameras in. He then told one of his teacher his dad had hit him last night. So when he came home we went thought the cameras with him and he realised he was caught out. He didn’t do it again

Apologies for the spelling trying to type while breastfeeding a tugging baby. Basically we put a camera in every room. We had them properly installed but you can get plug in ones relatively cheap these days. Cover yourself and also to prove to him that it didn’t happen.

Can you sit him down and explain what would happen if safeguarding thought he was in danger and maybe big up the worse case scenario? So say who would he live with if they decided that you were safe any more (obviously this wont happen in real life). It might help him start to link his actikns with sonsequenses, which is essential for him to learn.

Adhd kids are geberally a couple of years behind in their social development. Do you think he mighr be doing it because he likes the attention?

I tried last night to do this and he just got angry and started kicking me off his bed and shouting 'go away'. The only thing I got a response for was the locking him in his bedroom which he said 'well yeah you tell me to stay there so you lock me in' and obviously I could explain say he isnt locked we tell him to go to his bedroom when he is disregulated to calm down and that he can only come out once he is calmer and not screaming at us.
When he was at Primary school his perception of things was different and he would tell his teachers someone had hit him even if they hadnt and that was when he was really struggling so it is possible he is struggling again maybe. I am going to try and call school again this morning to speak to them again.

Im so sorry you are going through this. I would work with the school, you and dad attend a meeting with them and your child to try to make him understand the consequences of lying . Then maybe also install cameras. You must absolutely not stop disciplining him where necessary as this will show him he can get what he wants and things could escalate.
My son is very similar. He hasn't accused us of anything but he tells lies alot similar to your son , his lies centre around school. He will embellish the truth regarding something a child or teacher has said or done .