First girlfriend: give me your tips

[HedgeWitchOfTheWest]

DS (nearly 15) has announced his first girlfriend. I need your tips on how to navigate this stage.

He wants to bring her round to watch a film together, which is sweet. I’ll suggest after school when his younger brother is out and at least one of us will be WFH.

Please share your experience and tips! I’m out of my depth!

You’re overthinking it.
Let him bring her home, be nice to her and make sure he is well aware of contraception.

Sorry - adding whilst telling him he’s too young to have sex.

Thank you
I am absolutely overthinking it.

But I have also seen the thread about the 15 year old new mum. And seen many others about 15 year old fathers.

We all want to believe it would never happen to my kid, I’ve brought him up well, etc etc. But life happens.

So of course we’ll make her welcome, and of course we’ll make sure he is aware and has access to contraception. (And he will get my full ‘men taking responsibility for their own fertility’ rant, if he hasn’t already had it).

But I’m after practical tips. Communal areas of the house only, right? Till they’re 16 at least, right? (And it’s a small house). Any other boundaries that have worked for people?

Doors open if they go to the bedroom and you don't have to "let them" spend the night together or any of that if you don't want to.

My rule was bedroom door open, no overnight stays at that age. I mean it didn’t stop them having sex on my bloody sun lounger when I was out but hey ho.

@SpaghettionHow did you find out?? 😂

Buy and give him condoms. Talk to him about sex, being ready and respecting her and your boundaries as a family. Be really open however awkward it may feel.

He's not even 16 yet

All of the above.
Mainly treat her like any other teenage friend but with a few extra rules.

When you have done the sex talk and stressed that they are too young as yet, tell him there are condoms in the bathroom cupboard if he ever needs them and he is welcome to practice using one.

Doesn’t matter. It’s better to have them and not need them than assume they won’t do anything because they’re not 16 yet 🙄 everyone is young once and it’s better like PP have said to give them condoms and a chat and hope that if they do do anything, at least they’re prepared rather than end up teen parents because ‘it just happened’.

Be super welcoming and talk to your ds about consent, contraception etc. You can put a load of rules in place about communal areas etc, but ultimately, they will find ways of doing stuff if they are that way inclined.

My dd is now coming up to 21 but she is still with the boyfriend that she got together with when they were both 16, and as things stand, they are planning their lives together, so you never know where these teen relationships may end up. Her bf's family could not have been more lovely and welcoming, and my dd is now very fond of them indeed.

Talk to him about not going out with her exclusively but making sure he keeps up with his friendship group as well. Eg out with the boys on Friday and then with her on Saturday. Also, they have to keep up with their studies so DS and girlfriend had a chat every night at 9.30 but only saw each other at weekends when GCSEs/ A levels were approaching.Apart from contraception, DS said this was the best advice I ever gave him.

And yet that won't stop them from having sex if they want to have sex. Better that he has them and not need them than not have them and need them.

The neighbour told me, so mortifying.

I wouldn't be encouraging or saying it's "okay" to do it underage. Especially it's his first girlfriend and she's new. Once they are both 16 and have been in a loving, relationship for a while then maybe you can have a discussion about it.

I wouldn't encourage my DC to be like animals with no self control. After they've been in a commited loving relationship for a while, that's a different question.

I can also use this 🙄

@Jgvw there is absolutely no harm in being open and giving him something to safeguard him and his gf. I would rather dc had them in their pocket for years and never use them due to not having sex than to have sex without them.

As long as he then doesn’t eventually use it when it is out of date! 😂

Honestly I would give them space and privacy because if they wanted to go and have sex they would - so within reason- so bedroom but door open or lounge and door shut

get snacks in and period products (if she is round regularly - if you don’t have thing in like that)

offer to give her a lift home and you will probably end up meeting her parenta

yiur ds and his gf will probably be incredibly nervous also

Make sure he understands that NO means NO and that MAYBE/PERHAPS also means NO.

He's not even 15 yet!

Exactly. Talk about sex and whatever, wait till you're emotional mature (which isn't even at 16 TBF) and once they've reached the legal age and have been in the relationship for a while and are comfortable with each other. Then you actually provide the condoms etc. Then again, it's OP's house and she doesn't have to support that side if she doesn't want to.

These are all great perspectives, thank you.

Even the points of debate - it’s really interesting to see people’s different boundaries etc.

He isn’t even 15 yet. I’ll remind him that they are too young for all of this, whilst also making sure that he knows about consent, courtesy, and contraception (which I’ll make available too).

Hopefully talking about things frankly will be so mortifying as to be off putting!

Well congratulations on being parent of the year

Completely agree!

I was imagining the poster discovering a collapsed sun lounger with 2 trapped teens.