How do you get them to help round the house?

[AmusedLemonFatball]

Things are coming to ahead abit. I’m working away a few days a week and dh does the housework/child duties while I’m away.

when I’m at home I have to make the kids do stuff (they are aged 18,16 & 9), constantly have to ask them to hoover, pick their wet towel up, put their rubbish in the bin etc

when I’m away dh doesn’t ask them, he’s abit of a pushover so everything is left to him. It’s making him depressed and resentful because of it. Things like they will step over stuff instead of putting it away.

iv had enough of constantly asking and it never sticking with them.

give me all the tips please

I misread that as 'how to help them get round the house' ha!

It's just non negotiable here. I just persistently bag and prevent them from moving onto the next thing until they've done the basics. So when they come in from school I nag until shoes are away and coats hung up, bedrooms have to be tidy with beds made before they leave for school. Clean washing has to be taken upstairs and out away. Plates have to go in the dishwasher and they have to help with washing up before leaving an evening meal.

I just persist and nag.

If they get pocket money, phone contracts etc. This should be dependent on reasonable chores being done without too much moaning.

Yeah just tell them. Especially just picking up after themselves.

They do additional jobs around the house too. In fact those are phrased as an 'ask' but they know that it isn't a question!

We have an app. It’s called Sweepy and I do pay the annual subscription. Worth it!!!!! I can allocate the teenager jobs to do and it’s a reminder for everyone what needs to be done

Number of options:
make them responsible for cleaning their own room (then if it’s dirty they are the ones that have to live with it)

teach them how to use a washing machine and then make them responsible for their own laundry (and maybe give them their own towels of a specific colour as well) - so if it’s not done it’s their problem.

you may sense a theme

Agree with a previous poster, it’s non negotiable. Do they want clean laundry and food to eat, they then participate in supporting the running of the house. Dirty clothes in the laundry basket and brought down when asked. Floor of their bedroom kept clear - hoover weekly. Empty and load the dishwasher after each meal. No dirty plates and mugs left around the house. Recycling put out weekly. Basic stuff that a primary age can do

At those ages I wouldn't get involved in cleaning their rooms or doing their laundry. If they dropped things on the floor I would ask them to pick it up and if they didn't, it would be deposited in their room. All my kids have had jobs to do from quite young. It's a "we are all supporting each other" vibe! Kids didn't get money for doing the jobs but they had money as part of our family. They do the jobs because they are part of the family too. I can understand it feeling a bit daunting to get on top of it now. Someone can empty the dishwasher each day, clean a bathroom each week, get the cooking or at least helping the cook, bins etc My 26 year old does the pan washing every day.

Hold on a minute. You are not responsible for making sure they do their fair share of chores when you're away from home!

Ignore it. Not your problem. Don't make a rod for your own back. Their father needs to grow a pair and sort this out.

How did they get to 18 and 16 and don't pick up after themselves?
Mine started early with doing things and it just continued from there.

DH doesn’t ask them
He’s a pushover

There lies the problem

However if you’re having to constantly ask them to do stuff, then it’s a problem you've both helped to create.

Team up and get tough with the older ones. The younger one should follow suit.

Any resistance and they lose benefits ie. Tech, wifi, phones.

Have the 3 of them make breakfast on Saturday and dinner on Sunday. Let them figure it out.

But come on, this isn’t difficult and your husband needs to grow a pair.

I used to tell them in advance ‘at x time we are doing the chores’ take all phones, etc put them away, set a timer say 45 mins, allocate a room each or a task list, put funky music on, go! No distractions, all working, reward at the end.

Exactly. Pointless saying now but you start this from when they are toddlers

We do this at the weekend sometimes if we need a quick reset. I set Alexa timers and music and say, 'we are all going to spend 20 minutes getting sorted" - a lot gets done in a quick concerted spurt.