*TW* Not sure how to help her

[sma1978]

I need some advice please. My DD 19- found out today that a boy she went to school with and briefly dated, has taken his own life.

they hadn't spoken in the 3 years since she left school. She's feeling really guilty, she didn't reach out sooner.
She went through her own MH issues during that time, including self harm and a AS. But she's got through the worst of her struggles and is now doing pretty well.
Its such a terrible thing so young. His poor parents.

But how do i help her get through this, so she doesn't spiral.

Sorry for the blunt post. i'm in a rush to get work finished so i can get home.

Anything planned over the weekend? Make sure she doesn’t just hole up in her room. Get her outside in fresh air for a walk tomorrow, encourage her to see friends, order a take away and watch a film with her tonight and encourage her to talk freely to you.

Oh that is so sad.
can you access just a few sessions with a grief counsellor?
does she easily communicate with you?

Will she open up? Just listening and actually hearing her speak can be hugely beneficial. Don’t feel the need to ‘advise’ as much as listen.

Tell her that her feelings of grief and compassion are normal but she held no responsibility over his feelings or what he chose to do.

I would reach out to a grief charity and see what they advise.

Thank you all for your comments
She had planned to go out with a work friend tonight but that's been cancelled, i just suggested we go to the cinema but she doesn't want to. So as not to push that i said we'd get a takeaway and watch a film at home. She wants to watch The Housemaid.i don;t know what this is about, Is that going to make the situation worse?
She does talk to me, but sometimes i'm just not the right person for her.
i will see if she want to get back in touch with her Councillor from before.

Is she still friends with people from school who knew him? It can help to talk to people who knew them

The Housemaid doesn't have any scenes of suicide in, so I think it'll be a safe bet to watch with your DD. It's a brilliant film - I hope it will take her mind off things.

You sound like a brilliant mum OP. My ex partner ended his life when I was only a few years older than your DD, and I went through all the feelings of guilt wondering if I could've stepped in or changed things. I am sorry your DD is going through the same thing - just keep being there for her, talk when she wants to talk, distract when she wants a distraction x

Ffs, how's she supposed to know he was suicidal if they hadn't spoken in three years? I can appreciate it's came as a horrible shock to her, but she can't possibly blame herself in any way for Heaven's Sake..