Struggling teens growing independence

[Haze41]

I am the mum of a 16 year old daughter. She has had lots of issues over the years - has a chronic illness has sensory processing issues - but other than having quite a lot to deal with my titchy 4ft 10 firecracker is bashing on with life, as she should, and seems to have got so independent overnight (that's what it feels like). Has a boyfriend (he is lovely) from a neighbouring city so seeing him and her friends takes up her time when she is not at school. I am just really struggling with what my role is these days. I am proud of her and glad she has friends and a wee romance BUT I feel sort of redundant and finding it so hard - to the point that I spend 2 days in tears last week. I am an anxiety sufferer and have been on Fluoxetine for a good few years which has kept me sane. However at the moment I am overly interested in every detail of her life which I know is verging on an obsessive. I am just find it so incredibly difficult to accept things just now. She is an only child and yes I do have lots of hobbies - choir, wild swimming and a small jewellery business as well as plenty of friends. But none of that is stopping my head being consumed by what is going on in her life. I know it is obsessive - any advice. Is any of this to be expected or am I mad as a box of frogs.

I think you might benefit from some talking therepy if you can manage it. I found that better help was quite good. Also, could you possibly also be struggling with perimenopause? It will make stuff like this seem way way worse than it is.

I think it's fine to take an interest in her life and if she's comfortable talking about it in a deep and detailed way with you then that's good.

But don't try spy on her, try to get her talk about topics she doesn't want to, follow her around, stop her from doing things or it could seem controlling.

Make sure your communication channels are always open by being supportive while respecting her privacy as a growing young woman.

She's still very young and needs you even if it seems like she thinks she doesn't. We always need our mums no matter how old we are. X

I know how you feel - I am a mother of three teenagers, one 11 year old and a toddler. I miss the days when they needed me, and now the teenagers are quite independent it does feel like you have been made redundant. I have a toddler now, and she is sometimes the only one who wants to speak to me (but is still learning to)!

It means that you have entered into a different stage and it is time to move away a little (not completely) and re-gain some of the person you used to be before you had your child. Before it was all about being there for someone else 24/7, now it can be about you a little. It doesn't have to be sad, it can be about taking up dance lessons, swimming, piano lessons, fencing, sky diving…. The sky is the limit! Time to concentrate more on you. What do you want to do with this free time?