Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

what are the options for a 16 yr old escaping an abusive houseold

50 replies

brimfull · 16/06/2008 21:54

dd has a friend whose father physically threatens and abuses her.The mother is aware of it.

She wants to move out ,but has no where to go.

What are the options available to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 09:34

right the plan is dd will give her all the info about connexions/foyer/shelter etc and hopefully she will beable to sort it out.

OP posts:
Freckle · 17/06/2008 09:35

This is domestic violence so Women's Aid should be able to offer some support and assistance too. Shame on the mother for letting it continue if she is aware.

VictorianSqualor · 17/06/2008 09:35

They may not, but just incase they are she should be referred to the right people.
IMO, in this sort of case the child should be given benefit of the doubt until anything is proven eitehr way.

ladystardust · 17/06/2008 09:36

I'd have been furious if mother of friend of my dd had got involved. Personally I wouldn't believe anything that came out the mouth of 16 yr old . They base their lives on what happens in Home and Away...

Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 09:38

ladystardust-do you mean that?

wink is confusing me

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 17/06/2008 09:40

In your experience yes, but not in mine, as I said earlier in the thread at 16 I was being abused by my stepdad, had been for about 7 years, had been on the SS radar for 5 years since a friend from school had told his Dad who had called the SS.
Just because your daughter wasn't being abused doesn't mean others aren't.
I will always believe any child that tells me they are being abused and refer them to the right people, always. If ten of them lie and one tells the truth that one telling the truth being helped is worth it IMO.

Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 09:41

I agree with you VS.
I'm not going to go in guns blazing ,simply giving the girl some info.Well actually dd is not me.

OP posts:
fryalot · 17/06/2008 09:43

She may be being abused.
She may not be being abused.

You have to believe her. She has put her trust in you and your dd and to not believe her would be SO awful if she is telling the truth.

You are a mum. You are not qualified to deal with the question of whether she is or is not being abused, so you absolutely MUST believe that she is and if it turns out that she wasn't, well it may be a bit awkward, but no real harm done. The other way round, however... doesn't bear thinking about, does it!

Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 09:44

yes I agree squonk

OP posts:
Mercy · 17/06/2008 09:44

My db's friend was kicked out of the family home at aged 15 or 16. He was put in a hostel at first and then a flat with other yougn people. He carried on going to school supported by SS until he finished his A-levels.

It might be an idea to get the friend round and see if you can find out what's going on.

VictorianSqualor · 17/06/2008 09:44

ggirl, if you just pass on the info saying that you'll help as much as you can but can't accommodate her then hopefully if she is lying to get your DD to offer her a home (which is possible) then she may back down and change her story, if she isn't she'll have been believed, and IME, being believed is one of the most important things, as an abused child expects not to be believed.
You're doing the right thing, if DD doesn't want her living with you then of course you shouldn't offer, but there is still plenty you can do to help.

fryalot · 17/06/2008 09:45

good.

(and you're the only one that matters on this thread, I shall bugger off again. Good luck )

fryalot · 17/06/2008 09:46

(by which I didn't mean that nobody else matters... I was just trying to say that I'm not trying to convince anyone else of my pov. Just wanted ggirl to know. Which she does. Oh god, I'm digging myself a bigger hole, aren't I? I'll shut up. Apologies if I've offended anyone - twasn't my intention )

ladystardust · 17/06/2008 09:47

Of course you are right VS but you still have to be careful.
I think giving girl info is good plan.
And as for wink, I merely meant that obviously not EVERYTHING is fabricated but a lot of it, especially where 'stories' are concerned is bigged up, exaggerated or just plain made up.

Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 09:48

thanks everyone for you opinions and advice,it has been really useful.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 17/06/2008 09:49

squonk, just make some fakon sarnies and put a sock in it

fryalot · 17/06/2008 09:50
Grin
sarah293 · 17/06/2008 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
brimfull · 17/06/2008 15:14

god sorry to hear about your dd riven that's sad

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 17/06/2008 15:19

thats so sad Riven, I do agree that the default position has to be accepting the surface story, at least initially, due to the damage done if it turns out to be true and no-one helps. Doesn't make it any less painful in your position.

amber32002 · 18/06/2008 11:41

Always get the proper agencies involved (women's aid, shelter, etc). They know how to investigate something properly and will know what to do. Be a good listening ear, but there's no need to think you have to do all the rescue in a situation.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 18/06/2008 11:50

I work in housing:

Her first port of call should be the Council. As she is 16 they have a duty to investigate the situation. Whilst they are doing that they are legally obliged to accommodate her. However, the temporary accommodation might be quite grim, and Council's have to reduce the numbers of young people in Bed & Breakfast, so they may be completely happy for her to stay with you temporarily whilst they do some checking and wait for a hostel/shared flat place to be available. Staying with you shouldn't mean that they will reject her homeless application, but you need to check it out as some council's are a bit behind in their thinking on this.

Connexions and other services will support her to go to the council if she does not want to go alone.

Original poster
brimfull · 04/07/2008 22:54

thanks ,sorry for not replying ,have been away for a few weeks.
Thankfully the situation has resolved somewhat and the girl is staying with a friend near her home.

OP posts:
tatt · 06/07/2008 10:15

as another one on the wrong end of this at the moment - egging a teenager on to leave home is actually a criminal offense. Whatever a child says their parents have done they need to maintain contact - if not with their parents then with their extended family.

I would take in a child if they needed it but I'd never do so without speaking to the other family.

colditz · 06/07/2008 10:21

I find the idea that 'because the person complaining of domestic violence is 16, it must be a lie' quite offensive.

In fact, I find it VERY offensive.

It was this attitude that left me at home with my dad, dragging me round by the hair, flipping tables over, throwing things, ejecting me from the house - with nowhere else to go. He was a Policeman, and Policemen Don't Tell Lies.

Some women cry rape to get them out of having adultery charges on a divorce paper - does that mean we should take all rape claims with a pinch of salt?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread