Who makes school lunch

[ChantsHinch]

I have 2 DD, 14 and 19. Both in school. I make their lunches and a friend of mine was shocked that I still make my girls lunch. I thought we were all doing this??? Just wondering when you stopped making school lunches for your kids?

Ds (nearly 14) mostly has some snack things from home that I pack for him and buys a panini at school. Expensive though 😞. Sometimes I’ve made him sandwiches. I like To do stuff for him as he is nearly 50/50 with his dad so has that extra mental load with getting stuff packed/sorted for that which he does himself. He will tidy up, put washing away, look after his much younger sister and generally be helpful though so it feels reasonable. He can cook basic meals and sometimes cooks for me, keeps his room tidy etc. I think as long as they’re learning some adult skills it doesn’t actually matter what the specifics are if that makes sense. There’s a balance to be struck. He’s also grateful for what I do - thanks me and notices things I do for him.

That is heartbreaking, but that pupil is so lucky to have you.

~

I make lunch for my 8 year old and fiancé. My 8 year old recently asked if he could make his own, and that is something I am happy to supervise. I think it's important for them to learn how to feed themselves.

We used to give my eldest £x a week (equivalent to the cost of school dinners) and she would plan what she wanted for lunch (with the caveat that she had to have a carb, protein, veg, fruit, etc), we would shop for the stuff together so she could learn how to shop (how to find the best produce and value, etc) and she would make what she wanted. She made things like quiche, rarebit Muffins, chicken kebabs, etc. She could then keep any money that she had leftover - or she could have used it for school dinners, of course! She was in year 6.

I make my 10 and 14 year olds, I also make DH’s when he goes into the office.

I wouldn’t trust a 9 year old to make a decent lunch. Mine would do a jam
sandwich

dc made they own sandwiches from around 10ish but I'm packing them a box of fruit or they wouldn't take any.
we have a box of additional snacks like nut bars, cheese strings, mini cakes... to take as needed. this box is filled up weekly and gone is gone (3 dc, took them a bit to learn to ration it to last the week)

I still make lunches for DS15 and DS18 and his girlfriend. They're busy with their GCSEs and A Levels and I'm retired so I'm very happy to. They cook very well so I'm not worried about that, it's just a time saving thing that I do for them and theyre very appreciative.

Mine is ten, but he would too, if he could get away with it, which his can’t 🤣

My ten year old doesn’t like sandwiches, but if he does he has to have a specific white bread, chicken or ham and nothing else. He probably would like a jam sandwich but school would tell him off and we make clear the acceptable boundaries of a lunch.

I have a simple bit of paper with a list on in the kitchen with lunchbox guidance / rules on it.

Sandwich - must have protein and salad (little one has difficulties so he’s allowed off that)
One fruit
One veg
one or two dairy options
smoothie if wanted

once a week crisps
once a week chocolate biscuit bar
once a week mini pizza instead of sandwich

if they have an after school activity they can take a snack for that, cereal bar, fruit snacks, extra protein snack.

They are welcome to take fruit or veg for morning break but they don’t bother.

I find with mine that if I make it abundantly clear what the guidance is that I don’t have issues. We discuss sandwich fillings (pastrami, cooked chicken, cooked turkey, ham, sliced decent cheese) and the other elements so they choose what they want, as long as it fits the overall format.

Their lunches aren’t perfect, I’d prefer them never to eat processed cold meats, but we don’t often eat sausages or bacon and we try hard on fibre so it’s manageable.

I am literally crying that you all have such compliant teens.

When dd started secondary she didn’t want school dinners and she didn’t want me to make her school lunch as she said she would throw away any fruit or veg. And the sandwich too probably.

Cue lots of reasonable discussion on a compromise, promoting dd independence and giving her some autonomy and responsibility etc - did she agree? Nope.

She’s now in year 9 and apart from taking in the odd cereal bar/rice cakes etc she still doesn’t have lunch. She’s not bothered and I’ve made peace with it. I think she’s is just hungrier later in the day. Same at weekends.

At home she eats whatever we cook, always has breakfast, eats a good range of veg, fruit, pulses, fish etc (more so than a lot of her friends). Shes not remotely underweight and has a good appetite.

I make lunch for the 13year old on days he doesn't have school dinners. He makes his own lunch and breakfast on weekends and school holidays.

DD12 makes her own lunch, I may make her sandwich if I'm in the kitchen and have a spare minute, to make her morning a bit easier, but most of the time she will do it.

@Decisionsdecisions1 it’s a big thing for girls in secondary school not to want to eat in front of people. I work in schools and see it a lot. I have a secondary age boy and he on all subjects just is totally relaxed and pretty compliant. God knows how as I’m an anxious momster, so it’s despite me not because of me 🤣

I think it’s important to just be calm about it, good breakfast, snacks and dinner afterwards and they’ll self regulate. I can’t imagine it helps with concentration though.

I haven’t made breakfast for my kids in years, there’s loads of options and that’s up to them. Same with weekend and holiday lunches, they are expected to self regulate. If they get to 3pm and not eaten lunch then they can have a snack and wait till dinner. They are pretty good at fending for themselves and asking before they eat something that is outside the standard.

They are also in charge of the dishwasher, kitchen bins, their rooms and their lounge and bringing down laundry. They are also expected to do the tumble dryer and one helps dh to fold and put away laundry on a Sunday evening. I don’t do laundry at all. We have a cleaner and they are expected to leave their rooms in a state that she can hoover through, and if they don’t they have to clean their rooms and hoover at the weekend.

im chronically ill and have physical health challenges and dh and I both work full time so we all have to pitch in.

I will make a lunch box if needed but I don’t do it really unless asked or if we’ve got up late and we are dividing and conquering.

When mine were in year 11 - I found a whole week’s worth of sandwiches in the bin, and when I asked why, they said they “didn’t like them” - so after that, I let them make their own. They often didn’t - there was one famous occasion when one of them asked their German exchange student if they could have some of her lunch! When I challenged them over it, they did admit that they had been unreasonable - I didn’t have much money at the time, and couldn’t afford to have sandwiches just thrown away.

I have a 13 year old and a 9 year old and make their packed lunches. To be honest I pretty much do everything for them. I put out their uniforms ready for school, make their meals, wash their clothes. All I ask in return is that they put their rubbish in the bin and that my 13 year old feeds his dog.

Dd doesn’t seem to have any issues eating with school when they take packed lunches for school trips etc. And has no issues eating in front of people generally.

Have assumed her concentration is good as she is predicted 8-9s in all core subjects and is acing the tests at the mo.

You’re right to stay calm about it, I’m not going to look for problems where there aren’t any, Would love to have a compliant teen who just did what I asked tho. Where can I buy one 😬

Mine have school lunches, but if they're eating lunch at home (weekend or holiday) I stopped doing it and they started making their own when the youngest was 10.

My intention for my kids is that by the time they move out they are able to be self sufficient and it’s not a shock. So, they’ll be able to make 5-10 simple meals, know how to shop for a week, organise a fridge, do laundry the whole way through, do simple diy and budget. It doesn’t mean they’ll be doing all of it all of the time, but that they’ll have the ability to do it.

I can’t imagine how shocking it would be to get to uni or a first home and have never looked after themselves. I hear a lot about kids at uni getting homesick and coming home and I do wonder how prepared they were.

I make my Y7’s packed lunch because it ‘helps’ him. He has an extra-long commute to and from his school, and with the daily homework and extra-curriculurs I think it’s a small thing that’s easy for me to do while he gets ready for bed. He still packs his own schoolbag, and if he went to the school nearby he’d make his own food, like he did during Y6.

When mine used to have them I did them, it takes a minute to make a few sandwiches, so I did them whilst in the kitchen doing tea!
I do my husband’s now, like I said, it takes less than a minute.

But why? At that age they are capable of doing it themselves. Mine did theirs from secondary school if not having school dinners.

Im not sure, guess its my way of caring for them?? I feel kind of silly now given hardly anyone does it. We don't have dinners and the "shop" only sells confectionery stuff.
I work full time and im exhausted, heading into perimenopause now and feeling like a doormat. Think I need to stop but feel guilty as they've not done anything wrong. They're good girls but I'm exhausted. 😮‍💨

Why wouldn’t you? My daughter could have made a sandwich when she was seven but that didnt mean I stopped making her packed lunches. I think it’s like anything else you do for your children - I didn’t stop doing her washing and ironing, or cooking for her, when she turned 14. As the previous poster said, it’s part of caring as a parent. And besides which, it takes about five minutes to make a packed lunch.

Caring doesn’t mean doing everything for someone. It very much is the whole cheesy “roots to grow, wings to fly”, you are their safe space where they learn independence. I don’t care for my kids any less because I make them look after themselves. I make it incredibly clear to them what my end goal is, that they can leave my home and make a home for themselves without relying on anyone else. They will always have a home with me, but I hope they don’t want to stay.

Today I had one that I’d made a lunch for and one who I didn’t. I made the 10 year olds while I made dinner last night as he had to leave early to cycle himself to breakfast club. The older one left a bit later and had time. He asked me to help but I couldn’t (I’ve damaged my shoulder and he like a convoluted lunch, little one likes dry crackers and chicken). I did get all the bits out for him and had bought all the nice bits he likes. I thanked him for the help he gave me this morning, told him I was proud of him and that I loved him and sent him off to school. I think he felt cared for.

I also think love languages is cheesy bullshit but I do think people have preferences or ideas of what love look like which keep us trapped in routines that don’t serve us.

I have fibromyalgia, chronic pain and hypermobility (hence I’ve now knackered another joint) so I simply can’t do all of the things.

Op do your dd’s help round the house? If you’re exhausted do they notice and offer to do their own lunches?

At those ages, I’d expect them to make their own lunch