14/15 year olds and alcohol - I’m worried

[Justworkingitout]

14 year old DS (15 very soon) seems to be ‘obsessed’ with drinking alcohol when he’s out with his mates (as they are). I know because I’ve seen his messages to his mates. He’s only come home drunk once so far. Is this a normal rite of passage for this age group? It seems so young. He’s also very ADHD so lacks impulse control so this makes me very concerned.

Do you know where they go or what they do, how do they get the alcohol? Shops are so much more strict than they used to be.

I’d be worried without question. But I think it would be twofold - partly around what they are doing and the level of danger they might be putting themselves in, and partly around attitudes to alcohol at such a young age.

Have you spoken to him about it?

It was normally when I was 14/15, but it's not something I'd want my own DC to be doing. That may make me a hypocritical, but so be it.

My 14yo says that "half the year group are into drinking and vaping, and the rest are into fitness". He says that most are getting alcohol from older siblings but there are shops selling alcohol to underage kids too. No doubt the ones selling dodgy cigarettes etc. He has told me about seeing some of the drinkers out in the evening, the girls are often crying and self-flagellating. One was trying to walk into traffic on a local dual carriageway. It's very worrying. The boys seem to just drink hard then start vomiting without the external emotions.
Some of the kids who are drinking are the as-yet undiagnosed ones with traits of autism and/or adhd. These are kids who lived in a nice area with few financial worries, several holidays abroad each year, professional parents. The school goes through from infants to 18, so the parents and children all know each other well.

I’ve tried speaking to him about it but he won’t engage. The time he got drunk he had split up from his then girlfriend. It tends to be at someone’s house and he claims parents “don’t care” but I’m not buying that in every case. It’s hard to know any more than that. He of course denies he’s drinking. Yes he also says a lot of his mates are vaping, especially the girls. He says he doesn’t vape. Paradoxically he’s really into fitness (going to the gym) and playing football.

Hmm. One of mine used to be part of a sports group who clubbed together to buy (plenty of )tins of beer at that age. I discovered it twice. I think it was a rite of passage in his case and he barely drinks at all these days.

Yes it’s common, though he is younger than mine were, dd2 was 15/16 (year 11) and was quite able to get served in pubs, I remember doing the same

I don’t think this is normal or acceptable at all. Not in my son’s friends group anyway - he’s 14. They’re all into clothes, Xbox and football. Drinking doesn’t even feature in their chats. We aren’t super strict either, he’s allowed a drink at Christmas and special occasions etc but just wouldn’t dream of going out and drinking with his friends. How is your son able to afford to do this? If you’re giving him money and he’s using that I would be stopping that immediately.

I think his friends are getting hold of the alcohol (older kids? Parents?). All our booze is quite literally locked away (!) and he doesn’t get enough money from me.

My ds15 discovered alcohol at Christmas and was drinking more than we would have liked, we talked about impairment and drama. I feel it was a novelty as he is still going out and coming home on time and sober!

Echoing what others are saying, it's fairly easy to get hold of alcohol, some shops will sell to young teens (or will sell to the biggest/hairiest one), older siblings will supply and, more often than seems sensible, parents will buy for them.
According to mine (similar to a PP) "half the year drink" and "almost everyone" vapes. I see this with my own eyes when I bump into a bunch of them returning from school. I was "lucky" that mine didn't really get interested in this sort of thing til 16/17 (Year 12) but a shocking number of them do seem to start in Year 9.
So, not unusual ...... but certainly not something to encourage/condone.