16 year old son wants to go on holiday with gf

[GL48]

Hi all, just looking for some advice/perspectives. Sorry if this is long.
My son is 16, currently in his last year of high school. He has a gf who he met online, she is also 16 but is one school year above him (college). They’ve been together over 12 months, but only recently met up for the first time. We went with him to meet her and her parents came with her as she lives around a 2 hours drive away from us. After the initial meet we all went our separate ways and they spent the day together in the town centre and everything went well! They speak everyday on the phone for hours. No problems. She seems a lovely girl. They plan to meet up again during the next school holidays.

Last night my son told me he had been invited to go on holiday with them in the summer (UK holiday to a family holiday home but a few hours drive away). And this is where I need advice..? Would you allow your 16 year old to go? He really wants to go, but I can’t deny i worry what the sleeping arrangements would be, he’s also never been away from home without us and does have anxiety issues. We’ve only met her and her parents once very briefly… advice?

Me too .
They’re strangers OP .
I don’t care how well they feel they both get on , at the end of the day he has met her once , their interactions are on line .
It would 💯 be a no from me .
You don’t know the first thing about these people to be fair .
I wouldn’t leave one of my lads go in a million years .
It’s not being over protective, it’s just we don’t send our kids off with strangers.

I would not send my 16 year old off with strangers.

So did I. With friends I knew well. We're talking strangers here.

Honestly I would intervene and say no. He is pretty much still a child. I understand these anxiety issues. He is caught up with the imagination of it being great without the reaslism of what happens when he cannot sleep at night due to anxiety and his GF doesnt understand whats going on. Going away with a family you dont know with a girl you have only met once is a huge thing to do.
Is he ok on sleepovers with other friends? If not then realistically its not going to go well and could be a disaster. Even without all of those concerns i would never let my child go away with another family on holiday unless I knew them really really well. A lot of trust is involved. There are too many dodgy people out there as proven by whats going on in the world at the moment.

I think two weeks is way too long and too far. There are so many issues here, and actually he needs to be proposing some solutions here.

1. the logistics,
2. what is his plan, that he can execute alone, if it goes to shit.
3. The fussy eating, if they are a normal family and not used to it, this will be a bigger problem than he thinks. (Also us his eating fussy or disordered?)
4. who is he planning to sleep on the floor for him?
5. online for a year and met once- what the heck.

I would take an “I want to be able to say yes” approach, but put the issues firmly in his court.

Its a no from me. The other family wont be
used to his eating habits which will be irritating - not being able to eat out- and he has anxiety issues - he doesn't sound mature enough. Besides he's only met these people once.

No way.

Have you considered that he might have special needs? The food fussiness and anxiety could point to autism.

If it was a weekend and somewhere close by, I would probably say yes provided they sleep in separate rooms. In the circumstances you describe and your son’s anxiety especially with sleeping and food, it would be a firm no from me. They have only met once and you have no idea how his girlfriend and her parents would react if your son had a meltdown.

Three negative factors here:

• they have only actually met each other once.
• you do not know these parents
• your son suffers with severe anxiety and eating problems.

You need to:

• have a full and frank discussion with your son, not just about sex, but about how he might cope with his anxiety and eating problems.
• have a full and frank discussion with the parents about his problems and all the aspects about which you are concerned.

Basically we have here two young people who are not actually in anything that might be described as a relationship at all. The have met once and chat online. One of my concerns would be that the parents of this girl are going along with this and cannot see that there might be reservations on your side - you don't know them at all.

I went on a similar holiday with my boyfriend's family at a similar age, but we had been going out (well actually staying in!) for about a year and both families knew each other.

You will need to tread carefully so as not to alienate your son, so the conversation you have with him needs to get across that you fully understand why it seems an attractive proposition to him, but that you need to have a sensible adult conversation with him about it.

I was going to say an easy yes but the level of his anxiety and how hard it'd be for you to go and meet him...hmm. On the one hand, if he has this level of anxiety but is willing to do something out of his comfort zone I'd be loathe to say no and make him feel limited at the first hurdle, because I don't know if that would do him any good in future. On the other, has he really thought about the logistics of being there while being very anxious?

I think I'd speak to her parents - about sleeping arrangements and general boundaries (as they'll effectively be in loco parentis so if you would, I don't know, take phones away in the evening or whatever), but also about his anxiety and how it might manifest. They may not be aware of it and be unprepared to take a very anxious teen away with them, or they might be happy to keep an eye out, provide support, etc. Also about the kinds of foods he will/won't eat - again, either to give them a heads up that it might be a tricky thing they weren't prepared to handle on the family holiday, or that they're happy to accommodate to make him feel comfy.

My boyfriend at this age's parents were absolute angels who were brilliant and like second parents to me - if this had been me they'd have got a load of food I liked in and I'd have been welcome for a cuddle & a chat with his mum if I felt anxious and it's entirely possible your son's 'in laws' (lol) are going to be brilliant. But I'd spent a lot of time with them and knew them well - he's never spent any time around them and there's a real chance they've no idea about his anxiety or food stuff and if he's with them and they react badly or in a way he wasn't expecting it could cause friction (and more anxiety).

With that added context my answer would be a very definite and clear no.