What are teenagers taught about the age of consent?

[AlteFrau]

The ages of my grandchildren and children mean I don't have up to date information about this.

But I now need to know if this is a topic that schools typically cover in PHSE. Is it something that parents today routinely discuss with their teenage children in addition to advice re contraception/STDs etc. And is it - as far as MN parents - something that 15 or 16 year olds consider (before or after) sex either with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or in a situation where, for example, there was a party with underage drinking.

Ask your kids

Why do you need to know if it doesn’t apply to your own children?

ds17 thinks he was taught about consent in year 8. Small independent school.

He's not confident with girls yet so it is unlikely to be something that happens on the spur of the moment at a party. He also doesn't drink alcohol - his choice.

Regardless of that, there is a large bowl full of condoms on top of our bathroom cabinet and has been since he was 14. That way, he or any of his friends can take some without me being able to tell if any of them are missing.

Safety first & all that. 🙂

I have definitely taught that the age of consent is 16 when first explaining intercourse to year 5 pupils (9-10 years old). Mostly cos they’re usually pretty horrified by the idea so I like to make it clear it’s not something they’ll be doing anytime soon.

Just checking that you have refreshed the bowl since then, as most condoms expire between 1-3yrs after purchase?

Yes, they get replaced. 🤗

This video gets used a lot.

My eldest was shown this video in school. She's said that unfortunately some of the lads in her school have already done non-consensual acts to other girls at the age they are now (year 11s), they showed this video in school assembly not long after a couple of lads got excluded for grabbing girls

@Meadowfinch

my dc’s school had them free in reception in a bowl and a couple of other places, the drs did too, it’s definitely a good thing

It's covered in PSHE classes from year 7 onwards. As a parent I've mentioned it to all of my teenagers (two boys and a girl). I can't answer the last part of your question about whether teens actually think about it at parties etc. Of course I hope they do, but who knows.

Thanks. That's helpful. Follow up question would be whether PSHE and parents also talk about waiting till 16 on the basis it's not only the legal age of consent, but that puberty doesn't equate to being emotionally ready for adult sex and that there are advantages to waiting for a partner you like and trust. Or is advice limited to trying to prevent a) pregnancy and b) assault/rape?

I remember relief learning at 11 that this couldn't happen until 16. Aeons away!

Ex teacher

I once was in a pshe session (being run by someone else who knew what they were doing) for year 7s.

my school got very clear very early because year 7s were having sex and doing non consensual things.

this was an oversubscribed school in a posh area of Cambridge.

the idea of trying to tell these 11 year olds to wait until 16 because they weren’t ready when some of them were already doing extremely non consensual things is….. optimistic.

one of them described anal sex to me in terms that made clear he had been engaged in it.

Social worker here working with children who are engaging in sexually harmful behaviour and also victims of child sexual exploitation. My advice is always start talking to children early and before they go to high school. The numbers of children who do not know about consent, grooming, sharing sexual images etc is worrying. Some have the sex talk in school and then get curious so start searching online to expand their knowledge and end up on porn sites, becoming addicted and then progressing to wanting to try it for themselves. The best way to protect children and young people is to open up conversations and let them know that they can talk without you judging them. Get curious

Well, that's interesting. But I wonder why the law/social services/parents aren't involved if year 7s are having anal sex.

I think we could be honest about the fact that sex can not only bring physical risks but also emotional damage and difficulties. Even if it is also - sometimes - pleasurable for some of the participants. Are we all neglecting children's wellbeing because we've been told we should be 'sex positive'.

edit - posted by mistake!

We have covered and continue to cover these topics (age appropriately adding more info as they get older ) since about 3 years old. My eldest is 11 and we've had many conversations on consent and I feel he has a good grasp of the grey areas and the things I feel school and lessons will miss out or not cover fully. Starting these conversations young means it's become so normal and matter of fact there is no topic we couldn't comfortable talk at the dinner table about. I feel and my eldest agrees it's given him a great sense of confidence to feel he making the right decisions for him and how he acts towards those around him.

I've been really dissapointed by our primary schools lack of sex education. I really feel a outside dedicated teaching team should come in to schools to teach. It seems the existing teachers are just too embarrassed to discuss topics fully. I'm mindful that my children's peers aren't getting told much of anything but I think my child's confidence and curiosity gets shut down in order to "protect" other children's "innocence" and ofcourse the teachers embarrassment.

Year 7 just feels far too late to me. Clearly some children are already sexually active without any information. What information they do have is unreliable from friends or pornography.

From my own sex education I remember all the lessons were from the perspective to not get pregnant. Very much if you look at a boy you may get pregnant 🙈
Only as a adult did I realise actually it's a small window to get pregnant. I hope it's better now (yet to get to secondary school) but going by primary I'm not hopeful.