14 year old girl having a friend (boy) over…

[Fishcake18]

Hey all.. so my 14 year old is in a school that recently went co-educational (it was single sex before this) and as such since September she has started to get used to boys in her classes, and inevitably meet and become friends with some of them..

so she has a friend who is a boy..who she wants to invite over after school to watch movies.. I’m fine with this.. however I have to go out to drop my other daughter at dance and would be out of the house for 1.5 hours or so..

so I told her I’d rather she didn't have a boy over when I’m not in the house, and he can come over when I’m around (which tbf is only Saturday daytimes as they go to their dad Saturday evenings..)

she’s upset as I had to be quite clear about why and she got ‘grossed out’, and said it’s not like that he’s a friend and I should trust her!

thing is I do trust her.. she’s a great kid, quite young and innocent for her age.. and I’m sure has nothing in mind with this boy.. also they are both quite ‘geeky’ in some ways, she certainly has not been interested in anything with boys so far..

Im really not sure if I played this right.. is this normal nowadays? I know she seemed to think it was crazy I was even thinking that way..

also I feel that now she’s a teenager certain things need to be considered.... and I don’t know this boy.. I’m really not sure if I did the right thing! Fellow mums of teens.. are co-ed hangouts normal nowadays with minimal supervision? Am I being overly strict?

At 14 some kids are having sex, so I don’t think you are being overly strict.

YABU

They are friends.

My son visits his female friends, my daughter went interrailing with her two male friends. Having friends of the opposite sex is a good thing.

Ahh ok.. so 2 totally different views here.. I also think it’s fine (great in fact) to have opposite sex friends.. I also think there’s also a (very small!) chance that something could happen.. also they’re 14 and hormones could (!!) get the better of them before they are ready fur that.. I’d also be fine for them to go interrailing with male friends when older (presumably 17/18 and above and more ready and prepared for intimacy if it ever did happen..) I know I was curious and experimenting at not much older than her.. and whilst she is very different it’s natural for them to be curious.. I think I’m going to use this to open up conversations about trust, and me also ‘learning’ and go from there..x

My soon to be 13 year old has her boy mate over he is 13, a lot, he’s a nice boy, they are both quite young for their age and she’s told me she doesn’t like him in that way and it’s gross
I have left them for an hour to pop shops before and I trust them not to be up to anything
I feel like I would know if she was interested in a boy that way
i would lean more to trusting your daughter on this and go out without worrying.

Your house your rules.
Be a parent to your daughter. They can either like it or lump it.

YANBU. She is 14. It doesn't sound like she fancies him but 14yo's do lie - I remember telling my parents that somebody was just a friend when they weren't, because I knew that they wouldn't like it and wouldn't let me out.

You are just being sensible, which most decent parents would. It's all very well being cool until you've got a knocked up 14yo.

No,you don't know this boy so I wouldn't allow it unless he comes when you're around.