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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Do you feel trapped?

22 replies

MumOfTeens6789012 · 08/02/2026 19:29

I’m a married mum of two teenagers and feel totally trapped. I want to leave but can’t afford to. I feel more alone at home than I do when I’m at work. We are all so disconnected. The only time we spend together is Sunday dinner but even that’s rushed through so kids can go back to whatever they’re doing in their rooms. Does anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
ChaliceinWonderland · 08/02/2026 19:32

Is it the children of the husband that are giving you this feeling. Am in same situation minus the dh. Now they are teens... I love seeing them mature and grow independently. I take sunday afternoons off at the gym or a walk, knowing they are safe happy.
Are you trapped by your marriage? I was. You need to address that.

GrillaMilla · 08/02/2026 19:36

It's an odd time, when your children are teenagers and young adults.
They don't want to spend time with you, but they still need you to be around.

Sometimes I'm sitting around waiting for everyone to make up their minds about what they want to do, I can understand that feeling of being trapped.
It feels a thankless task.
I suppose it's a time of re-adjustment, phasing into when they leave home permanently.
Appreciate the little moments.
Nothing stays the same unfortunately!

MumOfTeens6789012 · 08/02/2026 23:00

Thanks for your replies. I’ve got to a point where I just want to live by myself in a little flat, going to work and then just doing what I want to do. At the moment, it just feels like life is one constant chore and I’m totally done with it.

OP posts:
PinkBlueCat · 08/02/2026 23:02

I feel trapped but not for the same reasons

GrillaMilla · 09/02/2026 08:53

Maybe it's that feeling of losing control over your life, it's like you're just there for others.
I think it's important to make sure I do little things that I like to do, doesn't have to be anything big.

40withoutacat · 09/02/2026 09:01

Do you still feel love towards your husband?

MarzipanMice · 09/02/2026 09:15

How is the relationship between you and your husband? I have a teen and a young adult, they don’t need me anymore and don’t tend to spend that much time with me, although they will be around the house whilst I am - it’s a strange adjustment time. My husband and I can sometimes feel like housemates rather than partners.

JoyOfSpecs · 09/02/2026 10:18

Can you share the chores out a bit, delegate some tasks and throw all your energy behind doing things that make you happy?

PersephoneParlormaid · 09/02/2026 10:19

I feel trapped too

JPNeed · 09/02/2026 10:24

What do you do together that’s fun? Do you watch any shows together? Play board games? Go out for quick meals or coffees? Sport? Is there anything you enjoy doing together?

Are your kids off to uni soon. I drove my kids about looking at different unis and found it a great time to really chat with them.

WishfulThinkingToday · 09/02/2026 10:32

I know what you mean - I think it is the shock of moving away from when they actually needed you, the enthusiasm they used to have when they were small. I miss them being excited about puddle jumping and going for walks. Now my children are typical teenagers and find anything I want to do boring and are glued to their phones. Doing anything as a family is tough when three are teenagers and one is almost a teenager (and toddler), they all have wildly different interests and just getting them out of their rooms is a big deal. It is sometimes so difficult to get them out that it isn’t even worth the effort (all they do is whinge).

I know it is just a phase, but it is tough. I miss knowing what they are thinking - when they would tell me everything. I miss the days when they were young, and now I feel disconnected. I know it is the natural order of things - I was also the same with my mother growing up, when I resented being forced to visit family. But it is still makes me sad.

Think of it in another way - you are a great mum because you have encouraged your children’s independence. This will help them in the long run.

Nowadays, my toddler keeps me company and is quite happy to spend time with me, but before her birth it was really really tough.

I would suggest picking up your hobbies again, or finding what makes you happy. It is a tough time, but it can also be a great time to re-discover yourself again, to re-visit the time before the children were priority. With teenagers being more independent, it is possible to enjoy dance classes, piano lessons, sports, arts, social groups - the world is your oyster.

MumOfTeens6789012 · 09/02/2026 10:57

@40withoutacatMy husband is a great Dad and helps lots round the house, I love him but no longer in a romantic way. I think that went a long time ago but we were so busy with the kids that it sort of went unnoticed. Now I have much more time on my own as the children only seem to need me for food, lifts and money. I find myself crying at home when it’s just me as I don’t want to be here but feel guilty about feeling that way. Reading all the replies, I probably do need some hobbies because right now, my life is miserable.

OP posts:
MumOfTeens6789012 · 09/02/2026 11:02

@WishfulThinkingTodayTotally agree with this, thank you and thanks for all the replies

OP posts:
DarkForces · 09/02/2026 11:08

I feel much freer now dd is a teen than when she was little. I don't like to be out when she's in bed but she's fine alone before that. She's usually got her boyfriend around so they keep each other company while dh and I do our own thing. We do talk still which is nice and I love hearing her sing and laugh. Each stage is about letting her go a bit more and finding our rhythm and myself a little more.

ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmy · 09/02/2026 12:01

MumOfTeens6789012 · 08/02/2026 19:29

I’m a married mum of two teenagers and feel totally trapped. I want to leave but can’t afford to. I feel more alone at home than I do when I’m at work. We are all so disconnected. The only time we spend together is Sunday dinner but even that’s rushed through so kids can go back to whatever they’re doing in their rooms. Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes, I do!

One teen, one at university and ageing parents.

There is little headspace for me when thinking about them!

DC are great companions but this has come at the expense of relationships with friends and DH.

I often feel that I am spread too thin 😬

GiantTeddyIsTired · 09/02/2026 12:11

I feel a bit sad sometimes, but then they'll all come down because they're hungry, and maybe one will stay and watch whatever I'm watching with me and it'll be lovely.

I think it's like toddlerdom - you have to remember they're only like this for a while and then they move on - and when they're teens, that's nearly it, they're nearly gone (my eldest is 15 - so hitting 18 and uni is looming in my mind!)

They're growing up - it's good that they don't want to spend all their time with you TBH.

This is going to sound very twee, but, every now and then I hit a podcast or a TV series that resonates with one or the other, or both and we listen to it when we're driving/cooking dinner or whatever together and it maintains that connection - eg. me and the youngest were hooked on Celebrity Traitors, and me and the eldest are watching Evil (TV series) together and are both baffled by how ridiculous it is.

I still tuck in the youngest on school nights, and the eldest comes to say good night to me - and I always poke my head in and say good morning on the way past when I get up - I think at this age, it's maintaining the little connections.

40withoutacat · 09/02/2026 12:30

I feel exactly like you
How old are yours?
Mine are 14 and 16
I have joined the gym and do a few classes a week but the loneliness I feel is awful

MumOfTeens6789012 · 09/02/2026 22:49

Thanks again for all the replies. @40withoutacatMine are 14 & 15. I’m thinking of joining some sort of regular social event to meet new people. Still makes me tearful as I’d rather be going out more with the kids but friends are their priority which I must come to terms with.

OP posts:
losttheplot25 · 10/02/2026 17:57

100%. I could have written your posts exactly op a couple of years ago as I felt the same about my ex. We separated 2 years ago now simply because id fallen out of love with him, i hadn't loved him for many years if im honest.
Still feeling trapped though by my 2 teens who just want me to cook, wash and clean for them and nothing else. We no longer do anything nice together and I miss how they were when they were little.
I still feel its my duty to be there for them but if im honest Im actually looking forwards to them leaving home so I can finally start having a life of my own and being able to just think about me for a change.

mamaduckbone · 10/02/2026 18:09

I totally get it, and have had similar feelings at times. I still fantasise about a tiny flat with only MY things in it - no trainers in the hallway, towels dumped on the bathroom floor etc etc!

IME 14/15 is the absolute peak of teenagerdom - they are asserting their independence and it can feel
like you are just a taxi/cook/cleaner, but can you find little snatches of time to do something together? For ds2, weirdly, he decided he wanted a hamster at the ripe old age of 15, and we bonded over that! For ds1, food was absolutely guaranteed to lure him from his den. It also does get easier when they are through the most self-absorbed phase and start to see you as a human being again.

In the meantime, start to carve out a life separate from being a mum. I have a book club, go out for a run with a friend, go to Pilates - it doesn’t matter what it is but it’s time to stop being constantly available for everyone else and start doing something for you. Even going for a walk and a coffee with your Dh, so you spend a bit of time out of the house together.

It’s such a weird, sad time but also offers new opportunities, if you let it. Good luck!

Decisionsdecisions1 · 10/02/2026 18:27

Dd is 13 so at that awkward age - doesn’t want to do stuff with her parents (and too old for a babysitter) but isn’t old enough for us to just leave her alone for long periods of time.

So while I do see my friends, exercise regularly, have evenings at home with dp etc, dp and I only really go out together properly (ie something more than just a couple of hours walk/pub) if dd is at a sleepover.

We have no family nearby to help and when I look at friends - that’s what keep a lot of them going. A few days at half terms or weekends with grandparents makes all the difference.

Holidays are the worst bit. We used to love holidays with dd until she was around 11. We do some hols with friends and those are better but the rest are dire. And yes we’ve tried involving dd in the decisions making, asking her views etc. All ends in the same sulking. We end up just doing what we want and trying to enjoy it with a silent grumpy teen trailing behind.

Sometimes I feel like so much is on hold and I’m just waiting for the years to go by. And we’re just here to cook, clean, facilitate dds life - and ride out her moods, nag about screen time etc - in the meantime.

Shes a good teen in lots of ways - and an easy teen by a lot of standards - and of course we love her unconditionally- but it rarely feels really rewarding if I’m honest.

3oldladiesstuckinalavatory · 10/02/2026 18:49

Unfortunately, this resonates with me. Two teens, both great, but not needing me like they did, whilst still needing me to be around. Mid fifties, my career, which I tried to put on ice to look after them, stalled then hit freefall, marriage (to their dad, a lovely man) is similar if I'm honest. I feel like I'm on hold. I do laundry and nag about revision / homework and tidy up after everyone. I'm too tired for hobbies, and yearn for a nice tidy flat and a sofa that's all mine...

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