18th birthday

[Doubledoodlemummy]

Dd will be 18 at the end of the month.
She has suffered with social anxiety for years and is still struggling with friendships. She is dreading her birthday as she says everyone expects her to be going out drinking with friends and she can’t do this. Her close friends aren’t 18 yet so going for a few drink in a bar isn’t possible. I suggested a party at home or a few friends for drink/pizza and she doesn’t like this idea. She is going out with her best friend on the Friday night to a show she is looking forwards to. I’ve also offered to pay for a meal in her favourite restaurant for her and two friends. I’ve asked and asked what she wants to do if anything.
You Can see her bristle when well meaning family members ask if she’s going out drinking. I don’t even think she would enjoy this but seems to think it’s expected. We have discussed that many teens no longer drink and this isn’t for everyone and that there will be lots of time for this when she goes to uni etc.
she is only just starting to make new relationships with a few individuals at sixth form and she says she doesn’t feel ready to invite these people out yet.
any advice?

A show with friends sounds fab.
My DD asked for dinner with family..No big party. She relented and had a few friends round for a winter garden party! I put up a tiny shelter, they had snacks and a fire and hung out. Party finished at 11pm and I asked them to come inside by 10pm to not disturb neighbours.
No drinking out of choice and they all wandered off for a walk round our village in the dark.
Apparently everyone enjoyed it and liked the fact there was no alcohol - I had offered it but they all declined
Some of her friends don't drink at any time - religious reasons for some, driving for others and some just don't like it. Lots of teens don't drink.

Let her be.
My DD is similar.

I’m fine about it- quite happy that she isn’t out partying yet bu she is so unhappy.

Oh sorry, I didn't pick up she was unhappy.

Is she getting any help for her anxiety?

Is she planning on going to Uni?
My socially anxious DD has surprised me by how much she has thrived at Uni.. It's been much easier for her to make friends and socialise than we had all expected.

she had therapy a while ago an is much better but it’s a slow path to improvement. She is slowly making new friendships but is still reluctant to move quickly and is very slow to trust new people. There are new friends who may be eager to spend time with her but she won’t ask.

yes she is hoping to go to uni so fingers crossed this will help.

I think you should just let her do what she wants. It's her birthday after all.
Inviting people to your 18th birthday party - especially if it's going to be a small do, is very high stakes, embarrassing and painful if it goes wrong - especially for someone who struggles to trust.
I wouldn't ask her to put herself out there just yet.
Don't let anyone tell her off or mock - however gently - her choices around alcohol.
I hope she has a lovely time. Friendships take time to build.