Teen drama please post your opinions 😔🙏

[teenagedramahelp]

Found out my 14 yo son has had sex with his girlfriend via a message on his phone ‘I think I need a preggo test’
Luckily thank the lord turns out she’s not pregnant and is on her period
We have taken teens phone and when he gets it back there will be no Snapchat (due to also sending inappropriate images to each other)
My question is this - when son is allowed his phone back would you make him cut all contact with her?
husband and I are in disagreement and really want to do what’s best. He is unable to see her in person as she lives quite far from us. Contact would be messages only as FaceTime is also a concern.
Please post your opinions
thank you!

No, I would not cut all contact. That’s asking for him to rebel further and lose his trust. You give him a proper chat about sex, contraception, responsibility, consent etc. But regular check his phone and relive Snapchat, yes.

What’s he like in general?

Does he know you’ve been on his phone?

I think forcing him to cut contact is probably going to make it a Romeo and Juliet situation. I wouldn’t advise it.

You need to find a way where you can have discussions with him about safe sex and the inappropriate images they’re sending each other. You need to try and ensure you have an open dialogue so he doesn’t hide things from you.

if you stop them seeing each other it will harbour resentment. also although it’s probably uncomfortable for you to know you son is sexually active hes not gonna stop just because you told him to. as long as he is being safe and respectful there is honestly not much more you can do.

Not the way I'd handle it. You need to have an honest dialogue with him and his girlfriend, and perhaps also her parents.

You need to talk to him not only about STDs and contraception but the consequences of having underage sex legally.

I don't think being authoritarian and banning the contact is helpful at all.

What happens when he meets another girl, if you did split them up and he has sex with her?

Id be checking his internet history though. Is he looking at porn. So young. It's sad.

I feel for you.

He’s a typical teenager into gaming, his hair etc doesn’t often go out with his mates but sometimes will on a weekend, we’ve never had any major issues and I think we have a really good relationship and have always been very open with him about sex and using protection

when he got his phone we always said we would check it to make sure he’s being safe etc

Wouldn’t advise making them cut contact. Usually pushes teenagers away and will make him rebel further. Is he generally sensible and open to talking? You should be having conversations with him about what is/isn’t appropriate at his age, safe sex, consent, contraception and respecting boundaries. He won’t open up to you if you just punish him and ensure he never sees this girl again.

I wouldn't take his phone or ban him from seeing her. It won't stop him having sex. I would sit down with him and have a very honest conversation about safe sex and buy him some condoms. I would also ask him to tell me if anything else like this happens again so I can point them in the right direction quickly.