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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD15 and her friends freedom

3 replies

Shambles123 · 21/01/2026 14:54

DD15 has had some incidents over the past few months with drinking too much, being unsafe, vaping, and one fall when incapacitated that ended up with a lot of stitches in hospital.

We have pulled back and are trying to set fair but manageable boundaries. We both work and have two other kids, she is pulling a lot of time and energy. She is year 11 and school work is underwhelming, her mock results would mean not getting grades for the courses she wants to do.

I understand however that she can't just be locked up with us. The problem is her friends parents are so lenient. They seem ok with drinking on the street, vaping, staying out really late drinking on the street etc etc. No social media or phone controls at all (I think ours are pretty lenient but have recently intensified as we have woken up to how much time was being spent on social media which she is livid about).

Has anyone got any advice for coping when peers are able to do things you cannot countenance so your child feels out of step and the result seems to be a lack of freedom that is noones ideal situation?!

OP posts:
Shambles123 · 21/01/2026 14:58

She has a saturday pm job - that money goes on clothes and make up though. I can see that as all electronic. The friends seem to bring the alcohol and vape, I can't see how she can be providing it. I think older brothers providing it. So she normally just needs train fare.

Sorry - post I replied to about money has disappeared!

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 21/01/2026 15:01

Some parents don’t care at all

some parents don’t care as long as their child is getting the grades they need

some parents do care a lot.

i suspect the problem is largely that she is in with a vaping and drinking “crowd” whose parents are lenient, the strict parents are the ones whose kids aren’t outside.

the traditional solution is to find her things to do or new friends. Easier said than done a lot of the time. If you can keep them busy they don’t have time to go out drinking etc.

what activities does she do?

it’s not a massive amount of time until GCSEs now so I’d be inclined to try to put other stuff on the back burner and spend a lot of time with her for the next five months or so.

Shambles123 · 21/01/2026 15:09

She has a big hobby, connected to the saturday job so that does occupy a lot of time. It's Friday/Sat nights really when the friends are out and either she is with them and I am tracking and worrying or she is in and I guess seeing them on social media messing around.
There are some expectations around grades. I really want her to get the grades as it means a new school so hopefully new friends..!

She spends way too much time on tik Tok etc. Says she hates us all, finds our house really hard to be in and bad for her mental health (I think we are pretty normal...)

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