Crushes etc at 13

[ToAvetarOrNotTo]

It seems very common for dc in year 7 and 8 so aged 1-13 to have crushes. I know some even 'date' at this age whatever that may entail.

Dc1 has a crush and it seems reciprocal. She asked if she is allowed to date and I am so uncomfortable about this. Do I outright say no, not until you are 14 or 15? Or allow her to be friends with this boy? How do I best advise her? I have nothing at all against her becoming friends with this boy but the thought of dating at this age (whatever this may mean) concerns me as I thin it's all a bit too soon. Or am I making too much of it and it's just normal for young teens? To those with older teens, how have you handled this stage of parenting?

What worries you about dating at that age? I’m not sure how well ‘forbidding having a boyfriend’ would go, it could lead to her lying. I think it’s better to keep talking to her and talk about age appropriate behaviour.

From my DD’s friends it is completely normal at this age and most ‘relationships’ last only a couple of weeks.

so aged 11-13 to have crushes.

Thanks @IkaBaar I’m not entirely sure why it worries me, maybe I’m just being protective. It does feel a little young to be getting involved in dating and I’m not even sure what dating really means at this age. I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 16 and looking back I realise how immature I was at the time and DD is only 13.

I do worry that she may spend less time with her school friends or lose interest in hobbies. dd has a friend from primary who goes to a different school to dd now. Her friend has become completely boy obsessed and is dating a string of boys since year 7. She tells dd that she has kissed them. I find this much too young, personally. Dd has asked me if she is allowed to date and I'm not sure what to say.

I don’t think I’d ban your dd. That will look like forbidden fruit. Maybe ask if she wants to. Whatever she says, I’d shrug and say something like ‘ok, well you know there’s plenty of time for all that when you get older’. She might ask what that means. I would emphasise that now is the time to be having fun with her friends and hobbies before school life gets more serious. That if she wants to see what it’s like to go out with a boy, that’s also fine. It’s all just about balance and having as much fun as possible right now on stuff she likes doing with her friends.

Your dd is year 8 now, I don’t think that is too young to have your first kiss.

I'm in a similar boat so finding this thread useful. DD 12 (13 this year) has her first crush, but knowing her like I do (as her mum, haha), I think she is saying she has a crush to feel like she fits in amongst her new friends as she has never been interested in boys and relationships. Have to see how we go, it worries me too as DD is suspected to have ASD and handles social scenarios very differently to others and is quite vulnerable

Today DD was a little upset as she feels that one of her closest friends is spending a lot of time talking to this boy, dd's crush, laughing, chatting and sometimes joining him and his friend during break. I’m really not keen for the girls to be dealing with boy issues already. I reassured DD that it’s perfectly normal for boys and girls to talk at school and that her friend is probably just being friendly rather than trying to impress him… although, who knows!