Activity suggestions for isolated teen

[lonelyteenmum]

After years of emotional distress and being unable to go to school, my 15 year old autistic DD was finally granted an EHCP 6 months ago and has been able to attend lessons online. Just before this started, she also developed an eating disorder and had to remain on bed rest or very limited activity for 3 months due to becoming severely underweight.

She's beginning to regain her physical health and the online learning is going well but she is starting to feel very lonely and isolated. She isn't attending school at all and lost contact with her small group of friends as she wasn't seeing them and wasn't able to take part in any activities while she was so ill. She has one good friend that lives nearby who continued to come round to the house but apart from her she sees nobody.

She used to do quite a few activities but as her anxiety increased over the past couple of years she dropped them all. She wants to start making connections again but it's so difficult as she isn't in school and is too scared to try new clubs etc.

I wondered if anyone had any similar experiences with their DC and had found a way to get them involved in anything?

parkrun - you don’t have to sign up in advance (other than register online for free), no cost if she decides she can’t go, you can go together, if she doesn’t feel like engaging with others she stick her headphones in, and volunteering is a great way to build confidence in teens. Ok, she might not meet many folk her own age but it’s getting out and doing something that should make her feel good.
can she play an instrument or sing in a choir?

Oh bless her. My dd has a ED and was really ill. I likewise had to withdraw my dd from dancing and horse riding and PE. She continued school for the most part.

My dd now goes to the gym. She’s in 6th form so can go during the day as it is less busy. But she wants to do this alone.

Would your dd perhaps try Rangers? I know it’s a new activity but it’s all girls and a more protected environment. Or could the 2 of you do something together that you step back from when she’s more confident?

That sounds really tough, but also hopeful that she is ready to start making connections.
Could you reach out on a forum like "not fine in school" where there will be lots of teens in a similar situation? Maybe a child local to you, who has similar interests to your dd? They could connect online at first before meeting in person perhaps? Or a local homeschooling site? Is there an activity that she could do with her good friend? Even starting with simple things like a local walk to build up confidence?

I had a child in a similar situation who is now thriving. We built up slowly with little things, exercise helped, as did doing stuff with the family before they felt resilient enough to meet new people. Good luck and feel free to message me if it would help.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think some sort of exercise class or the gym might be a good start. I need to check with the ED team when she is allowed to start doing exercise again. I actually suggested Rangers today as she used to go to Guides but it was an outright no. I will find out more about it though.

Maybe look at volunteering at junior parkrun. There are usually other teenagers there (some doing it for DofE) and a lot of core teams will go for a coffee afterwards so it’s a low pressure social environment. You can volunteer with her until she gains confidence.

What about something like climbing / bouldering, a lot more “collaborative” than a team sport. Or rowing, kayaking, sailing depending on where you live.
if she’s done guides would being a young leader at rainbows or brownies maybe appeal to her?
does your local council do DofE for those who can’t access it through school, scouts etc?

Exercise classes can be more intense than training at the gym. Teens don’t run on treadmills according to my dd. With her gym membership she has 3 sessions with a PT over the course of a couple of months. I contacted them to ensure dd had a PT, who knows a bit about ED and they understood not to push her.

I’ve spoken to speak to my 17 yo dd a lot - and she still doesn’t get it - that you don’t put muscle on by training at the gym... she lost a lot of had a lot of muscle mass when really ill. I explain it’s by eating more in general and predominantly protein and that it’s very hard to increase muscle mass. She still struggles with conversations around food and eating having only just admitted that she’s ill. She has signs of autism and PDA.

Dd has to eat a small protein snack on the days that she goes to the gym. As for being allowed, I think it’s really dependent on the team from what I’ve heard from Jenny Langley. My dd is under an ED coach privately as she couldn’t engage with CAMHS, then signed herself off with no diagnosis (they were useless), at 16. The coach is very experienced in ED having been a MH nurse in it for 25 years. Her opinion is that exercise is good if moderated and not compulsive (which as you are aware I’m sure can happen with ED). My dd is very driven by exercise, as in it regulates her, so the coach periodically uses eating for exercise as a way to increase food intake.

Edit - to add, I hope your dd finds something she enjoys. If she has PDA at all, it might be difficult to get her to re engage with Rangers. But if it’s something she enjoyed before, I imagine it could be really good for hen

Thanks @Mummyoflittledragon . Just like you our experience of CAMHS had been useless! I think I will explore using the gym. Maybe I will have to go with her to start off so could have a double benefit!

You’re welcome. My dd would hate it if I went with her. But if your dd likes it, it could be a good bonding experience for the 2 of you and something not about eating. My dd has to have eaten 3 meals 3 snacks the day before… these days it’s rare that she doesn’t but it wasn’t before. And of course not be in relapse or on the brink of it etc.

Are you not on the ED board? I don’t think you are. There’s a continually running thread and a wealth of information on that. I’d recommend you reading and posting on the thread.