13 year old and chores help

[Dreamergirl1]

Hi my daughter just turned 13 and she barely leaves the sofa. Shes extremely messy which I know is my fault as I haven’t been strict enough but I have told her she needs to sort herself out and learn how to tidy. I want to set up chores for her but it’s so hard to get her to do any of it. Any advice? It’s just ended up in an argument because I told her she needed to tidy her bedroom a bit. I set timers and I’ve always done it this way as I struggle myself and I do it in 20 minute timers. She refused to do it even just for 20 minutes and resulted in me getting angry and her just rolling her eyes. Any advice for me? Tough love doesn’t work on her she is too stubborn I can say she will lose her access to clubs etc and she just says she doesn’t care.

Turn off the Internet and tv until assigned tasks are complete. Have a list of what she has to do on set times and days, if she does it earlier then internet will stay on.

You control how much WiFi and money she has access to. Sit down and have mature kitchen table conversation with her, listing every day jobs (make bed, clear table, etc) and Saturday jibs (eg strip your bedding and put on landing for laundry).

Write them down and put the list on the fridge. She misses any each day, the WiFi password gets changed. Misses her Saturday jobs and no spending money reaches her.

You're doing this because you love her, want to prepare her for adulthood, and know that she is capable of these things.

Big cheery 'thank you, well done' with a smile when each chore done

You're the boss.

Personally, I would ignore her bedroom but I would expect help with the rest of the house, the communal spaces.

Many 13 year olds are messy. Quite a lot of them have strict parents - and most if them did chores no problem as a pre-teen.

personally unless there is food or worse rotting in her room I’d leave it. We banned food from bedrooms (all bedrooms, ours included).

fir the rest, laundry not done unless in the basket. Money and WiFi happens after chores.