Curfew Time for 16YR old boy

[CA747]

Looking for views on curfew times for my son. He's a sensible boy, doing A-Levels in 6th form, has a weekend job, is home when we tell him to be and if he's going to be late, he calls or messages us, has a nice group of friends and looks after himself by going to the gym.
On school days we tell him to be home by 7pm, weekends by 9pm, unless he's staying over at a friend's or doing something special. He says his friends are allowed out until 11pm most days and any time at the weekend, even allowed to go out in the middle of the night if they want! When I asked where they would be going in the night, he said either the gym or 'just a walk' (gym is open 24hrs). We also have his location on Google maps.
I think it is more a question of him knowing he can if he wants to, rather than being the only one who can't and has to be home earlier than the rest of his friends.
We live near an area which is known for knife crime but friends live in a nicer area. He is very aware of his surroundings and gang culture and discuss such things regularly, he's more clued up than us! 😆
We don't want to wrap him up in cotton wool but we want to be responsible and fair parents.

My 16 year old daughter has a curfew of 10.30 at the weekends and 9.30 during the week. For parties etc we say midnight but we pick her up

I think your curfew is really early. My DS is 17 but in the same school year. He is expected to be back by 10pm on weekdays and he doesn't have a curfew on weekends but he doesn't tend to come back later than midnight due to the train timetable. The weekday curfew is more for me than him as I need to sleep for work. DS regulates his own sleep schedule.

He’s 16, he sounds sensible, he’s old enough to work this out for himself.
The main issue is safety- if he comes home later, how will he get home safely? It sounds as if his friends don’t live near enough to travel with him. That would be my concern.
He sounds mature enough for you all to collaborate on how to do this. Would it mean relying on you for lifts? Would you be prepared to collect him from wherever later on in the evening? What are the possibilities?

He’s is sixth form, sensible with a job and studying, happy to let you track his location, is aware of the issue in his area an how to deal with them, lets you know when he’ll be home and when plans change. Why on earth does he still need a curfew?

7pm seems early in 6th form!
My DD is nearly 15 so is not going out in the evening yet really unless it’s to friends houses - for her age I’d want her home before dark really unless we knew where she was and how she was getting home. Same on the weekends, it’s more about the safety side of it than a specific time but if she was just “hanging out”
with friends I’d want her home by 9pm on the weekends.
For sixth form age I think you have to start letting go a bit, I’d say home by 9pm on a school night, and no going out every night because of homework. On the weekends I wouldn’t be bothered about a time as such more about knowing where they are and what time they’re going to be home and how they’re getting home.

That does seem early, DS is 15, Yr10 and has 9pm weekdays, 10:30pm weekends, he is a similar ‘profile’ to your DS, good lad, nice friends etc.

Change from 7 to 9, and from 9 to 11. Tell him he's right, that you trust him to be sensible and as he's growing up now, you are more than happy to give him his freedom.

He's pushing at boundaries, so move them. If you don't, you will just cause unnecessary resentment.

Fair comment 🤷‍♀️I guess because of all the horrible things we hear, senseless stabbings etc, it's hard to let go. That said, stabbings happen at all times these days... Thank you and everyone for your comments, it's good to see the variety of opinions and views 😊

That's not a bad shout, he'd probably not stay out that late anyway...The last comment particularly resonates as we've discussed this 😆

The last post was meant for you, apologies, I'm new to this!

It was incredible! Same director as Nye, so some similar ideas with movement and use of props. Beautifully acted as expected. Standing ovation. Hope you are both good/ having a good weekend. Xxx

Ignore me, wrong area to put this in!

9pm is ridiculous for a 16 year old. Yes I was one of those who left home at that age so it just amazes me that almost adults have curfews like this.
My own 17 year old has no curfew but the furthest he goes it to a friend's round the corner and he's usually home by midnight. He has one friend who has to be home for 9pm like yours and it's ruining his social life, they don't usually start their evenings until around 7/8pm so this poor boy gets to hang with pals for an hour and walk home alone. Mine walks home with his friends. I wonder who is 'safer'.

Presumably he won’t have a curfew once he’s 18? Would it be any less a tragedy if he was injured aged 18 compared to aged 16?

They are growing and developing all the time, and we need to adapt to that change. Our job is to feed our nestlings and teach them to fly. One day, we need to cross our fingers and open the cage door...

That's really early, when my ds was 16 ( very recently), his curfew on week nights was 11ish and at weekends more like midnight , but him and his pals did sleepovers frequently, so really I don't know what it was (however sleepovers were predominantly at mine, so had a good idea). Ds did very well at school and has unconditional Uni entries for 4 our of 5 applications - waiting to hear back from the other. I did get him to reign it in if he was out several school nights in a row, you know your child and I personally don't think a blanket time works at that age.

My dd is a year above yours. Our village is pretty safe and there were a few occasions in the summer at the end of years 11 and 12, where she’s been out walking / hanging in the village at midnight, but only with a boy / in a group with a boy,… these are mates btw. When it’s warm they’d rather be out than in someone’s house. And the odd time, when she did go to her male friend’s house, I was fine for him to drop her home at 3am, as long as I knew he walked her back. Some of her friends have cars now so they’re less likely to do it this year.

It’s really dependent on area and if you can trust your dc and friends. My dd doesn’t drink / wouldn’t touch drugs. She’s not going out to do anything untoward. Just hang out and go for a walk. They started this year to go down the pub and get a soft drink on a Friday night now so things are already changing.

It’s good you’re moving the goal posts and if we were near a knife crime area, things would be different. I think 11pm is early so I would be thinking about letting him stay out late if he’s staying over at his mates’ houses.

7pm is very early.

my DC at 16 were often going to cadets/training/rehearsals that would often start at 7 or 8 and finish at 9 or 10.

is he not allowed to do those kinds of things?

we had a weekend curfew of midnight unless agreed in advance.

I think that is ludicrous tbh. I wouldn’t expect a ‘curfew’ to be necessary for a 16 year old. My DC were out later than 7pm at age 10.

It sounds like you have him living in an open prison.

My 13 year old is allowed out later than 7 ! What about summer evenings or clubs etc ?