14DD friends taking refuge from netball at my house!

[foxbasesecular43]

it's no biggie, but my DD's mates come here after school on a Monday, when they're meant to be at the after school club for netball. Their parents don't know that they're not at school. This slightly concerns me, and I'm wondering what others would do in my situ. They're all in year 9, they don't stay late, but the fact that they're lying to their parents and I'm basically complicit is concerning me. Thoughts?

I would tell them that they need to tell their parents and, when they have done this, that they are more than welcome to keep coming over at that time. No more pretending though...changing into netball kit...being picked up back at the school etc. They need to come clean so that you're not a part of this. Do you think their parents would really have a problem with them not going to the club?

ASC isn't compulsory is it? So just take it like a normal day and your daughter's mates are round after school. Tell them if their parents ask or anything happens you're not going to cover for them. I'd also ask them why they don't simply quit netball as presumably the teacher will know they're never there?

It's not up to you to police whether other children go to after school hobbies or not though ultimately. But of course don't disguise the fact they're at yours if anyone asks.

I have a dd that age. I’d not do anything. It’s not like they’re bunking off school. If a parent asked me directly I’d tell them the truth. Is your dd meant to be at netball too?

When I was at school we'd bunk off PE and go to my friend's house - I suspect the PE teachers knew what we were doing but were probably really glad we weren't in the lessons messing around/not playing etc.

It's an after school activity so optional and they aren't missing compulstory education. I'd not inform their parents (plus that could go horrible wrong for your DD). The parents are responsible themselves, I wouldn't dob them in. If you get asked "Oh?! Netball on Mondays? Had no idea?!"

Do their parents actually think that they are at netball club? For example,‘when they go home tonight and their netball kit is also not only clean but also bone dry (I think it’s raining across the entire country this afternoon), they’re not sweaty and their hair & make up is as it usuallt
after a day of school rather than a sports session. And some of them no doubt have trackers on their phones or their coats or something so, if they wanted to, their parents could check.

I would be concerned, as you are, to be complicit in them lying to their parents. How did this all start? Do they go home directly from yours or go back to the school to be collected? It will all unravel in the even of an emergency. Can you speak to your DD and explain how you're happy to host a weekly catch up after school but you're not happy with lying by omission.

I cant imagine getting involved with something so minor by year 9 !!

I think my son sometimes bunks school football practice...I wouldnt want another mum to actually lie but I wouldnt expect her to get involved

Thanks for all your responses. My gut was that I just stay out of it and having considered all the factors, that’s what I’m going to do. My DD isnt meant to be there, it’s not actual school so they are not obliged to be there, as someone pointed out, it’s unlikely that the parents give that much of a toss as the kits are clean and dry etc etc. All good. Thanks for your replies!

My mind always goes to the worse case scenarios - one of them has an accident and you need to contact their parent and as well as being worried they’re livid at you.

Or they call the school for some reason and find out she’s not there, get into a panic and end up angry with you.

I’d tell the girls they have to let their parents know, then even if they don’t do it, it’s them lying and not you being complicit and you can say they were supposed to tell you and the girls will confirm it’s true.

You also have to think about what you’re teaching your own DD. You don’t want her sneaking off to god knows whos’ house when you think she’s somewhere else.