At my wits end with my 13 yr old son

[greasyspooncafe]

Boy girl twins turned 13 in the summer. Since then it's like my son has had a personality change. He's gone from being a loving mummy's boy to a vile stroppy nasty argumentative rude teen.

He is nasty to me all the time unless he wants something. He keeps putting me down and is rude to me in the morning before school and invariably from when he gets home from.school.

He just reduced me to tears before bed over a stupid Alexa in his room that I couldn't work properly - he implied I was stupid.

I've taken them on holiday recently on my own (am single) and the holiday was a disaster. Non stop bickering and rudeness- mainly him.

I'm exhausted and at the end of my tether. I'm trying to implement a family contract where basic respect is a minimum and any deviation from civility results in an immediate sanction but I'm not sure if there is anything else i can do?

I am not sure I can do this - for the first time since having my kids I am dreading spending any time with them.

Any advice?

Check his internet usage and what he's been watching online if you can. House rules is a good idea, basic respect at a minimum!

What’s your response just now when he’s rude to you? I have a DS13 and he gets strongly checked every time he’s short with me, if he continues he looses his tech until he can be courteous again. Nipping it in the bud has been the only way.

What punishment does he get for being rude?

I've implemented a zero tolerance to rudeness 'contract ' with both kids. So anything that comes out of their mouths that is rude or disrespectful results in an instant consequence eg no TV, no phone for 24 hours, early to bed, extra chore, removal of pocket money for a week or more etc etc etc.

I also ask them to repeat what they said but in a respectful way or without the sneer.

this is a development phase but normally just a bit annoying. Try reading “raising boys” by Stephen bidulph helpful

That sounds really tough. What's your daughter like? How do the two of them get on? Is there any competition between them, e.g. is she brighter than he is or more popular?

Do you think something's going on at school? Does he still have the same friendship groups?

Can you see what he's accessing online?

I do agree with you about sanctions but sometimes it helps to be a bit deaf! What I couldn't cope with was grounding my kids - they'd just follow me around complaining until I felt I was going mad.