My 17y dd is having a horrible time at school at the moment and I'm at the stage where I just don't know how to handle this and am watching her more and more upset every day.
As background, she moved schools last September to a grades focused school. She's a very bright girl and wants to excel in her exams so we made the decision and the financial sacrifice to enrol her in a high-achieving grades school. She's always had a small friend group, never one of the popular cool girls, but in general a happy teenager.
The first 2 weeks were transformational for her - she met lots of new friends, specifically 2 girls who she lunched with everyday and built up a large friend group. Parties followed, life was exciting and she was loving it.
Fast forward to a Halloween party in Oct when a guy that she was casually dating for about 6 months decided to snog one of her two friends. Words were exchanged between her and the guy, and for reasons that I still don't understand , she slapped him. Her so called friend scuttled away and the night ended.
On returning to school, relations were cool with her pal but they spoke about what had happened and she told her that her anger was directed at the boy and not the girl. Everything seemed ok, still a bit tense, but on the mend she hoped.
Over the next few weeks, things started to change, she found herself on the outside of groups, would go into a class and her seat was taken or her bag was moved. People started to actively avoid her and in particular the 2 girls who were supposed to be her friends. This behaviour continued for a week or so and she was devastated - despite trying to ask the girls what was wrong, they told her that nobody wanted to be her friend and that everyone knows that she spends her time "talking shit about people".
After chatting to her about it, I suggested to her that she approach the year head and discuss it. She called me that afternoon, after speaking to the year head and principal who listened to her and told her that they would keep an eye on what was going on. Unfortiunately, during the time of the meeting, she was spotted in the office by one of her 2 so called friends.
For some reason the principal decided to call in one of the girls and raise the points that my DD had mentioned. What followed was a litany of lies from this girl, everything from how my daughter was telling classmates about her poor grades, dismissing her appearance etc. None of this was true however, she was listened to and the year head suggested that the girls park the issue and move on. They advised them not to discuss what had happened with the wider year group.
My dd composed herself and went back to class, however the second girl, arrived back into the classroom, wailing, sobbing and causing a scene. From the outside my DD is now public enemy number one as she's sitting there emotionless. Since that day, everything shifted, uninvited from parties, ignored, sitting on her own in classes, a social pariah.
She's tried to make conversations with others however it seems that the 2 original girls manage to scupper any potentional new friendships by intercepting every new contact she makes - she's paranoid that they're telling people lies about her - but of course we have no proof.
We're now at a stage where I have to drop her to school about a minute before the bell time, i meet her for lunch and i collect her straight after school. On the days that I can't make it for lunch, she has her lunch in a toilet cubicle or on her own on one of the back stairs in the school.
I can't flag this again with the school because I have zero evidence of what we believe to be a campaign by these original 2 girls to exclude her yet this cannot continue. I fear for my beautiful bright and previously confident daughter who is struggling so badly and my heart is broken at how she is being treated.
Sorry for the long post - it's been therapy in itself to get these words written down