The Coat Battle

[Chingchok]

How do you all handle the winter coat issue? I keep reading that it’s a bit of a thing for teenagers to refuse to wear coats but it’s only our second winter here, so it’s an unfamiliar issue. My son’s school uniform is a thin shirt and blazer and this morning, despite subzero temperatures, he didn’t want to wear his coat. Although the school uniform includes an optional warm jumper which we also bought, he has never worn it, which is frustrating - but not wearing the coat is a step too far. He was born in Thailand and lived his whole life there, being he is used to 31-35C temperatures year round, so in the summer when his classmates are boiling in their blazers, he is perfectly fine. So this seems completely illogical (in effect he’s wearing the same clothing today as he was in July. We understand about fitting in, so we don’t normally bother about it but snow and ice seem like a good indicator that it’s time to cover up? He doesn’t take a hat, coat or gloves either, which we both do, even though we grew up in much colder weather.

Anyway, today we insisted but it caused a huge standoff because he thinks we are being controlling. Do you all make your kids wear warm clothes or just let them get on with it?

Let them decide for themselves. As long as they are keeping school uniform rules, just let them get cold.

It is highly unlikely they will die of hypothermia, isn't it?

Let him get on with it!! If you’ve warned him and he chooses to ignore you, that’s on him. Life lessons!!

The concept of "division of labour" is the most useful piece of advice I've ever received about raising teenagers. Saves a lot of agro

In this case your job is to provide the clothing. His job is to either wear it or not wear it and then deal with the consequences of his choice. If he feels cold, it's not your problem

Experience is the best teacher, he will eventually (might take a few years) get fed up of being freezing to fit in.

My dd isn’t quite a teen but was coat resistant for ages. She has eventually learnt that she really does need a coat in this sort of weather, even if she rarely wears one otherwise. I find that schools these days are heated much more than they were when I was at school in the 80s so he might be willing to cope with being cold going to and from if he’s warm during the school day.

Could it be that they have to carry it all day? My son doesn’t like wearing a coat as they have to carry it around all day no lockers and it can’t fit in his bag with his PE kit books etc I’ve got him a thinner jacket just so he has something as I wouldn’t like the school to say I am neglectful etc

schools need to provide somewhere to put coats - why is this a problem in the UK?

Not in the uk and i don't often see the teens here (where it snows a lot) go anywhere without a coat, often also a hat and a scarf and gloves.

When I was a teenager I often didn’t wear a coat, I just didn’t feel the cold. I remember my friends parents often commenting on it. Even now I don’t always desire a coat in the winter. I’m a teacher and my classroom is boiling, and when I’m on break duty I don’t often wear my coat as I’ve been so hot in class and looking forward to cooling down. Drives me how many other members of staff on my journey from my classroom to the playground feel a need to comment, and ask me where my coat is.

I see this with my 12 yr old granddaughter. She won’t even consider wearing a coat to school. And it’s not just the very cold temperatures it’s the rain. She has a 15 min walk to school and must arrive wet some mornings. Don’t even mention an umbrella!

I think it’s a lot to do with that very awkward age and not wanting to be different. They follow the lead of others and now they’re stuck in this routine of no coats. It’s also cumbersome once in school as they don’t have lockers. In the dark and distant past when I was at school you hung your coat on a hook in the cloakroom and it was still there when you went to retrieve. We didn’t have anything worth stealing as we were all in similar black coats.

My dd point blank refuses to wear a coat over her blazer - I think it’s a sensory problem as the shoulders are uncomfortable with her bag.

She went to school in the snow shivering today. I have her hand warmers for her pocket, scarf and a bobble hat

My dd was the same for a couple of years. Even if i did force her to take a coat to school she'd walk home with the coat shoved in her bag (regardless of the weather). Eventually I just gave up.

Then one day last year we were shopping in the local outlet and she tried on a north face coat and begged us to get it for her. So we did, and she now wears a coat to school.

Im not sure if it was that we initially got her the wrong brand of coat, or if she genuinely hated dragging her coat around school all day, or if no one wore a coat so she didn't... But now i have a year 11 who has taken a coat to school today without any nagging from us.

You can get very light but warm pack down jackets - loads in places like Millets or even north face has a small down jacket pack down option. Uniqlo too. I would get one, stuff it with a hat and gloves into his bag so it’s there and forget about it.
I must say the fashion here is for massive black coats so we haven’t had this issue.

It won’t hurt him to be cold.

Without trying to seem mocking.... I am facing the exact same problem with my 3 year old and 6 year old... But I provide and strongly suggest a coat, giving them a chance to go outside first to be sure they are aware of the temperature and if they refuse the coat and complain later I remind them that they had the chance earlier and need to learn this.

As pp said they will not get hypothermia but they may be uncomfortable.

Hypothermia? LOL. I don’t know, it hasn’t been in my vocab for some time! I think more than anything we felt like he didn’t know what he was in for (and it’s snowing now and he texted “sorry”). I guess they do have the heating on and yes he complains there’s nowhere to put it, but he has a 30 min walk to school and I just assumed they put them outside at break time. Obviously I understand it, unlike his dad I’ve always been a big fan of being out in the cold air, so maybe it’s just the huge jump for us - it’s -4 so it’s 35c below what we’ve been used to for 17 years. Irony is that most kids in his old school wore hoodies as soon as it got down to 24 degrees and swimming was cancelled “for the cold”!

Thank you everyone for the reality check. And yes to coat hooks at school, it’s a real pain that they have nowhere to hang them.

North face is your friend. Where we live it is the only acceptable coat for a teen. Thankfully it is also warm and dry. Both ours wore theirs through the early teen years.

I have sons of various ages and I can tell you that they grow out of it a bit. 11-15, forget it, they aren't wearing much more than a light coat. I think it's a lot to do with lugging them around and being boiling once at school or on public transport where the heat is ramped up. Therefore it becomes uncool to wear a hat or coat because no-one has them on and you stand out.

Once at uni/work age, they suddenly put the layers on, including the unheard of woolly hat. I think their is just a collective decision to decide that hats and coats are no longer uncool because they mature a bit and are sick of being cold.

16-18 is the interesting bit. Not quite old enough to no longer care about the norms but really sick of being freezing cold (and if at school, wearing thin cotton suits and shirts, not thermonuclear acrylic blazers anymore). My current sixth former and his mates have come up with a solution. They wear their fleece PJ bottoms under their suit trousers 😁. They are still skinny enough to get away with it.

Pick your battles. Provide the coats and hats, they will eventually get worn ... but not today 😆. Don't ever buy the school jumper though ...

To be honest I told one of my sons I’d follow him into the school and talk to his principal if he didn’t. He’s got a non descript black coat so I don’t see the issue. It was after he was in hospital with Covid and it was freezing out. I’ve also refused to drive him to school if he didn’t take it. He’s 15. It’s just non negotiable after hearing that cough and seeing him so many times coming home wet.

The worse that will happen is that he might get a touch of hypothermia but someone will notice, in the playground or in school. He'll recover and get first aid etc

That is unlikely though, for some reason kids just dont seem to feel the cold and if he does, he has a choice to take a coat and gloves etc.

Get curious with him as to exactly why - is it to fit in? Does he say he is warm enough?

Might he wear a long sleeve T-shirt under his shirt? You can get a thermal version. his friends needn’t know then.

Dos he need a more fashionable coat and beanie that makes him an identikit of the others?

Or get what they call under layers these days but I got long sleeve top and leggings for dc for games lesson - they were part of the kit list and in fact can be worn under school uniform even the trousers and not seen. Dc sometimes does this when can’t be bothered to change back after games!

Sometimes you see high school kids dripping wet in the rain on the way to school
and wonder about their choices v circumstances.

controlling? makes it sound more like a teenage need to make own decisions however illogical.

In this case I would recognise that out loud to him and be clear that being cold is not necessary for autonomy and to please take the things to put on if he changes his mind. Then look away and let him decide what finally happens.

• base layer

My 12 year old refuses to wear more than his shirt and blazer
no to a vest underneath, jumper or coat
no hat, no gloves

”muuuuuuummm!!” If I dare to suggest them

they are all available to him - and I will probably be giving them all to the charity shop unworn when he grows past them (not “out” as he has never been “in” them)

He just doesn’t feel the cold

Mine never wore coats, either. Snow, rain, hail...nope. They're late 20s now so have survived quite well!

I still don’t wear coats and I’m almost 50.

Leave them to it.

I wouldn't let him go up a mountain with no coat... But a half hour walk to school? Up to him!