Teenagers not managing money

[Mickey540]

I have twins Ds (16) at college and working part time in family business . One ds is out and spending every penny he has and cannot save not matter how much I try. He is out all the time admittedly using own money but equally saying he wants to drive etc next year. I can’t see this happening in a million years as he won’t be able to run it. In contrast his brother is far more careful does go out but not as much and saved over 2k of earnings.
one is really stressing me out as he says he is enjoying himself and living life.
do I let him get on with at and spend every penny he has ? Or continue trying to talk sense him to him. Anyone got kids like this with money ???

I would just keep reiterating that cars, petrol, servicing and the rest will cost an arm and a leg. Insurance will be high and if he wants to drive something has got to give. So suggest one less kebab/pint/pair of trainers or whatever is his thing then he can't complain about not being able to afford the car.

As the PP says, keep reminding them that they will need money to do the things they want to do and you will NOT be subsidising them.

I agreed with my daughter (after her first pay disappeared in about 3 days) that she would pay all her money to me, bar an allowance level which she chose. I then keep it in a savings space but transfer money back to her whenever she asks. It just puts a check in place for her about how much she is spending and if she really needs to.

Ask him who he thinks is going to pay for the driving lessons and running a car. Then leave him to it. When he is seventeen and wanting to learn, or wanting to go on holiday or to a festival with his mates, maybe he'll get the message. Better he learns the lesson now than when he is living independently and needing to budget for food and other essentials.

@Nourishinghandcream i know this is what he prob thinks we will give him money for it but I keep telling him otherwise. It’s obviously not sinking in !!

@SeaDragon17 yes i have to do this already but he is asking all the time for it
i can’t deny it when he earns it! If he had it all it would go in few days!!

@HelenaWilson yes totally this is what worries me if he will grow out of it as I can’t manage his money all his life.

Time for some tough love.
When he reaches seventeen, wants to learn to drive but has no savings, DO NOT pay for it.
Perhaps agree to some incentive if he actually does manage to put some away (of course matching this with his sibling) but do not just bail him out.

Natural consequences will sort him out when his brother has money for driving lessons and he doesn’t. You just need to tell him now what he has to finance himself then stick to your guns.

The point of them having part time jobs is to learn that when it’s gone it’s gone.

so you don’t sub him.

it sinks in eventually (took several years for mine).
you are wasting your breath talking to him about it.

Honestly the shock of watching his brother be able to pay for things like driving lessons might help get it though to him? Especially when it’s a direct comparison, that he could also have saved and been in the same position?

It takes a few years I found. When my ds started working at 17 he could not save. It was all spent. Eventually after a few years he listened to my advice more, got a savings account, transferred a portion into there on pay day and then slowly learnt to budget the rest.

To be honest he also got all the spending desire out if his system after a few years, calmed down a bit. Now he's 23 with a car and a healthy savings account.

I also never subbed him for anything.

Ultimately if one of your kids doesn’t have the money in the bank to learn to drive then it’s their look out if they blow everything- they’ll have to learn the hard way
don’t bail them out and if they can’t learn immediately then they’ll have to wait.

I’m one for writing things down.

I would list out the driving lesson costs, ALL costs of the car and then divide the costs by the amount of months between now and 17th birthday, I’d also divide it by the months to his 18th birthday, just for comparison.

He will be able to visually see how much he needs to save each month to achieve his goal at 17, or maybe 18 if he chooses a longer time frame.

Maybe do it for both boys, so he can see he is some way behind in the savings arena.

Natural consequences spelt out !

They just have to learn. My teens got an allowance from age 13 to cover clothes (I paid for school uniform, school shoes and one pair of good trainers/all rounder shoes) and any personal spends so social life like cinema, any books and trinkets, birthday presents for friends and so on. They learned pretty quickly because I didn't buy them anything so if they had spent all their money on biscuits and drinks from the local shop and had none left then they couldn't do anything.

I'm afraid you need to make sure that you have been very clear to them that you will provide £X a month for college expenses and you expect their jobs to cover personal spends and that this includes anything they may want to do such as interrailing after exams or driving lessons. You are treating both equally and it is for them to decide themselves what they want to prioritise. Your spendy teen may watch their brother with envy later on but on the other hand they may be perfectly satisfied with their choices and not mind. Everybody is different and one of the hardest parts of parenting teens is accepting that they will make choices that you wouldn't. That doesn't mean they are bad choices and even if they are unwise they need to be allowed to make them because that is how they will learn.

@Miloarmadillo2 agree, will just have to keep on to him. See if he changes 👏

@OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea thank yoh
yes I have made it clear what he is to use his money he has earnt for. He hasn’t run out of money but has little left before the next pay day assuming he’s done some work in the mean time. Will see how it pans out 🙏

You have to absolutely never sub him, when he sees his brother buying a big ticket item when he has hardly anything left in his account it will hopefully sink in.

@Octavia64 yes you are prob right it’s learning curve

Mine aren't twins but 13 months gap so not far off! DD1 was always a spender, DD2 a saver and whilst 1 is still nowhere near as good as 2 at having money in the bank at the end of the month/savings, she paid for her own driving lessons. Occasionally now she might ask for a part loan, which if can I would do, she's so far been excellent about paying me back.

@overmydeadbody that’s good to hear. This is what I hope he will perhaps grow up and start listening at some point in the future.👍no I don’t sub him now for going out etc

@CrotchetyQuaver yes that’s good. And he does always have money left end of the month but when I tell him how much he has spent socialising and galavanting at 16 it’s too much. All his friends are doing it. I think some of them don’t have jobs. So at least he does work to pay for it 🤞