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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS13 missing meals

13 replies

AnonymousMum38 · 01/01/2026 16:31

DS13 is missing more and more family meals. He doesn't come when he's called, so we've all pretty much eaten by time he comes down. (We start with an Alexa announcement with 5 minutes warning, call up the stairs, then go to his door, call again etc) He gets super annoyed and says "I know!! I'm coming!!" And then doesn't. It's easily 20 minutes before he joins us. Then 50% of the time he'll eat a bite and then say he needs the loo, and disappears for up to 30 minutes again. Then he comes down when we've all cleared up and might eat a bite and then says "I'm full".

I'd be worried about bulimia or something but he eats plenty outside of meals, he makes himself toast, or a toastie or cereal at odd times. He eats lots of crisps.

I've tried saying he can't eat outside of meals but he just ignores me and does it when we're out or in bed. I buy crisps for DD's lunchbox but he eats them all in his room after school and hides the packets in his bed.

Oh and he doesn't eat breakfast. He leaves too late for school and says he doesn't have time. I try giving him toast, fruit or a cereal bar as he heads out which sometimes works but most days I'm on my way to work before he leaves.

At school it's the same story, he buys a snack at break time and then isn't hungry at lunch when he says the queues are too long anyway. Then eats toast or cereal when he gets home and skips dinner.

This means he's essentially missing most fruit and vegetables. He'll eat meat and cheese is we have it.

He's a bright lad and he knows what his body needs! He's a healthy weight, cycles and swims regularly, lives on the pull up bar. He's grown a lot this year so you'd think he'd need more?

OP posts:
samlovesdilys · 01/01/2026 17:02

I would be concerned he is developing bad habits certainly, we insist on everyone sat for dinner an ensue it has lots of veg/fruit. I don’t buy crisps etc in term time so there is no choice of taking them, packs lunches are rolls / fruit / cereal bars - or more likely left over pasta etc. biscuits are bought but no very exciting ones as they go straight away. Snacking between meals is usually fruit/cereal/yoghurt
I do try to do things like roast a chicken so there is protein they can have, I make flapjacks or similar when I can, and encourage healthy choices - the one thing that annoys me is school canteen/sixth form tuck shop which I provide money for but seem to be just rubbish, always!

Occasionaluser · 01/01/2026 17:12

I’m pretty sure there is something going on with boys of this age - I have one a bit older who skips breakfast and is rather fussy about what he eats . I get the impression it’s work out / fitness related . My friends son is similar , eats very little carbs - lost a fair bit of weight .
Not sure if they are all watching something on TikTok or whatever or if they are just all winding each other up .

Might be completely different with your son - just mentioning it as you say he’s into fitness

AnonymousMum38 · 01/01/2026 17:23

I want to be firmer, but he just claims he needs the loo, he isn't hungry, he IS coming just slowly, he's tired, etc. I can't force him to eat. I have tried not buying crisps but he just eats toast and cereal, which is better but still not balanced. I don't think he's avoiding carbs as he eats so much toast! I buy brown seeded bread at least, and he'll usually eat a satsuma or a chunk of cucumber if I hand him it so I do that a lot!

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 01/01/2026 17:33

Is he not coming down straight away because he's in an online game and he won't break from it? This seems common. My son does this, however, he does appear and then eat the meal but it usually takes a while and if I've finished mine he often takes his upstairs, something which I've chosen to ignore. Do you think it's anything to do with food, or more like he's going back upstairs pretending to need the loo and then carrying on gaming?
At school, eating more at break than lunch is common because they're all starving at break and you can buy pizza usually. Plus, lunch is really late. My son doesn't eat breakfast either as he'd rather spend the extra time in bed and then leave at the very last moment. I moan at him, but I used to be the same.

Sassylovesbooks · 01/01/2026 17:40

My son is 15, he has breakfast - I make it, so I know he's eaten. He takes a snack for break and a packed lunch. In the evening we do the same an Alexa announcement, and then yell up the stairs! He generally comes down within 10 minutes. I would be going up to your son's room, and insisting he comes down or the WiFi is going off! Your son is definitely getting into bad eating habits and no he's not eating properly. My son loves his food, so there's no way in a million years he'd skip meals or say he's full of he isn't.

hardtocare · 01/01/2026 17:47

If I was sure there’s no mental health or eating disorders at play I’d be inclined to tell him he needs to come down as soon as he’s called and eat a decent portion as a mark of respect to the person who made the meal.

Its a good habit to eat 3 meals and day and limit snacking, though I appreciate teenaged boys are bins who need snacks too

herbalteabag · 01/01/2026 17:50

Another thing my son has a habit of doing is eating so many snacks before dinner that he isn't actually hungry - he will literally get a massive bowl of cereal 30 mins before dinner.

TeachWithMsL · 01/01/2026 21:04

this does sound like there might be something deeper going on - is there anyone in the family or another adult he trusts that he might be willing to open up to about this? eating disorders and other mental health disorders that might affect eating (anxiety, ocd) often aren’t actually that rational and might not logically make sense at all but could still be being driven by that. I would 100% work first to rule out anything going on mental health wise and also maybe just get some blood tests done to make sure everything is okay physically

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 01/01/2026 21:10

Whatever removal of privileges that would work do that - this isn't healthy mentally or physically, and it's also a lack of respect for you. He goes to the loo before he comes to the table. If he's not good in the morning I'd make him toast but he has to come down for it.

This will tell you if it's just gaming, or if something more is going on.

AnonymousMum38 · 04/01/2026 10:31

It's not just gaming, as I've tried turning his phone and laptop off remotely many times.

OP posts:
DangoDays · 04/01/2026 10:52

Hey @AnonymousMum38 - sounds liked you have done a lot to try and help alter habits. I have teen boys and am a secondary teacher so have spent a lot of time chatting with kids about food trends. I serve lunches everyday as part of my role and make observations about kids food choices and changes in habits. @Occasionaluser is right in that lots of kids are making limiting carbs and there is a lot out there about weight loss and opting for protein. My eldest loves food so loves meals but he is also a gym bod and so is not always having seconds, limiting sugar citing clear skin and opting for oats supper every evening so he actually eats pretty well. I have an eye on what he is consuming on line - he isn’t allowed Tik tok or internet time on his phone but does what vids on Snapchat and YouTube on the tv so I know he picks up a fair bit from weight lifters. What kind of online content does your son look at?

Have you had a direct conversation about it? Perhaps framing it like “this is how it seems..” or “from the outside, or our/my perception of mealtimes/eating is…” I’d have some questions ready e.g. where do you tend to get most your calories from? are you aware that there is a pattern? Why the delay coming down for dinner? What kind of foods would like you to have more of at dinner? Prefer? What would be you eating/meal habit ideal? It might seem accusatory but I would just say it comes from a place of care and so we need to have this conversation.

Hopefully it is just a phase but habits become us so I would be proactive in discussing it. It might be that food options are about simply what he prefers or perhaps this is more about him wanting more independence and rejecting familial routine. Worth perhaps getting him more involved in meal planning if this is the case…

Araminta1003 · 04/01/2026 10:56

I have two boys and just keep a steady supply of cold roast chicken and boiled eggs in the fridge as well as bananas, satsumas, washed grapes and chopped carrots and hummus in the fridge. They are hungry and lazy but if healthy food is available to grab they have it. Also the older one used to eat like a camel like loads some days and not much others, more like toddlers really. Same with sleep!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/01/2026 03:46

I would be clandestinely following your ds to check whether or not he’s throwing up. As you say he’s a healthy weight and not losing weight, hopefully not. I wouldn’t put restrictions on no food outside of meals. Teen boys need to eat a lot as you know. And trying to restrict his intake could actually cause an eating disorder if he has a genetic predisposition.

His eating sounds disordered. But that’s different. First check he’s keeping all his food down. Then when things are quiet and calm, have a chat with him about family meals. Just say you’ve noticed he comes down later and isn’t engaging in family meal times. Then ask if there’s something bothering him. Try to get him to cooperate and come back to eating together again rather than dictating. Ask teens get older, parenting is largely by consent.

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