Article on teenagers, fascinating but scary stuff!

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

In The Observer yesterday, I hate you, can I have a tenner? here

Certainly scary. Are teenagers really this hostile, all the time? I certainly was lying to my folks a lot as a teenager, but not talking to them this way!

oh so true....

Oh help - I though 2.11 was bad enough - how will I ever cope with the teenage years! I sincerely hope I wasn't this horrid to my parents! will have to find out and apologise 20+ years belatedly!

Thanks www, I read this yesterday and can emphasise with a lot of what it says. I'm going to try and read the book you mentioned on the other thread too.

So, so true !
I must admit to getting some light relief by answering my daughters friends on MSN-they don't know it's me at first because she never logs out'I've' had some really interesting invites
I've decided I'm going to 'play up' when I get really old!-wear outrageous clothes, insist on wearing a hat at all times,taking out my false teeth at every opportunity and regaling them at length, and in public, with all the details of giving birth

sounds about right to me

I think she's either over-egging the omelette or there's more going on in her family than she's letting on. I'm on my third teen and, whilst there have been ups and downs, life has never continually been as she descibes and nor has those of my friends. Why does she let her children swear at her and then run round after them, picking up clothes etc? I do agree that it's pointless trying to be friends with your children. It's not your role in life, they need you to be a parent.

Tbh, these sort of anti-teenage articles make me cross. Everyone expects the worst from their teens, who obligingly respond and the whole thing becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I like teenagers - surely I'm not the only one?

suedonim, I agree. We have arguments but ours do not speak to us like that and most of the time we get on pretty well...they have always been able to talk to us about anything.

I don't do putting clothes to the wash for them. DS1 has run out of school shirts a couple of times recently (and he has 6 or 7) and had to put a dirty one back on - the message gets through eventually. I don't switch things off for them or tidy their rooms either - I make them come back to switch their own things off or pick up things left behind, and sometimes to close doors they left open or close quietly doors they slammed (am scary when roused ) and if the rooms get too bad I sweep through them like Attila the Hun, only with a bin liner. They have to negotiate to get things back.

If a favour had been agreed - eg a lift or a loan - any bad behaviour or rudeness before the favour occurs rescinds the arrangement.

I AM THE BOSS!

I can attest that Jan's teenagers are v nice (when in company anyway).

lol at "any rudeness before the favour occurs rescinds the agreement" - Have you signed a contract?

Now you know verbal agreements aren't worth the paper they're written on, SP!

Thanks for your comment though - mind you, you haven't yet met the one whose agreements are mostly rescinded

Well I'm glad to hear some teenagers are lovely, I really was a nightmare when I was one but am hoping my children don't take after me in that respect

www - me too

But your eldest is a boy - think that might make a difference. Stroppiness seems to be worst in eldest girls IME (I am one and have several friends in same pos) - was your eldest the stroppiest, Jan?

I am eldest girl too Senora!

Teehee, Janh!! It is now encumbent on dd1 to be nice to me for several weeks after I paid her not inconsiderable library fines for her today. I'm the boss, too!!!

That's made me think (about eldest girls)!

Generally DD2 is the stroppiest one, by a mile; but then she was born stroppy, whereas DD1 was a sweet and lovely small child. In terms of adolescent change from early childhood then yes, DD1 was actually much much worse. (As she is a frequent lurker here I will expect an aggravated phone call from her tomorrow )

The stress level with DS1 is, so far, cross fingers, touch wood, much lower than it was with either girl. suedonim, how did your boys compare with DD1?

It was just something a friend (who is, like me, one of 5) said - she reckons it's to do with the real and/or imagined additional resposibilities that oldest children who are girls get as teenagers. This friend was the youngest and says her oldest sister was an absolute nightmare.

My mum (dm to 3 girls, 2 boys) says that boys are a doddle in adolescence, but harder as small children. My brothers just sulked in their bedrooms for about 10 years as I recall - no screaming matches!

I suppose, looking back, each has been easier than the previous one! Ds1 was the hardest. He went into his bedroom when he was 12 and didn't emerge until he was 15, at which point he headed straight for the pub. I think we had the most battles with him. It was all a bit odd with Ds2 as he was suffering from severe asthma (and migraines) at this age so he veered between being very dependent on us to not wanting to know us. It mostly manifested as grunting, though, not arguments.

Dd1 really hasn't been much trouble. Even when she oversteps the mark she very quickly knows what she's done. Plus she's hopeless at bearing a grudge so is incapable of doing the Big Silence thing. I did clamp down on her recently, though. She didn't come home one evening when she'd expressly been told to. I couldn't sleep and eventually, in the wee small hours I drove to her boyfriend's house and hauled her out, there and then, standing in his hall in my lilac pyjamas with sheep on them. She was so shocked, and said next day she's never seen me that angry so I really must have meant it! Trouble was, it sort of rebounded on dh and me for ages as she became all loving and helpful and polite and caring and solicitous and wouldn't go away!

Dd2 though, I shudder to think what she'll be like. I might pack her off to one of her bros or her sis.

suedonim, you didn't? Really? In lilac sheep pj's? Respect!!!!!

It's looking like the eldest child then, isn't it? I guess they have to fight the battles for the rest. I know DD1 gets slightly bitter sometimes at the things the others take for granted that she never had; but she had years of being the one and only, and then of being the darling elder daughter, which was all lovely for her at the time. Swings and roundabouts.

Good luck with DD2 - how nice to have the big ones there if you need them!

now you know why ilove fostering teens,always a challange to be over come,like living in a continues puzzle book

Whoah! Definitely big respect to you suedonim! Janh, I love the idea of your dd lurking, hiya Janh's dd1!

Yup, I really did it, Janh, WWW, pj's and all! Like I said to dd1, even the most saintly folks, of which I am not one, have their breaking point.

It is looking like the eldest is the most troublesome, isn't it? Or maybe the more children I have, the lower my standards become! Actually, my ds's are both very protective of dd1. She says they're like a couple of old grandads and they drive her up the wall.

Oh yes, standards do slip drastically as their numbers increase and their mother gets older. DS2 is practically bringing himself up and is very badly raised

Well I had to check that I hadn't written it myself! How does this woman know my children, I wondered... They don't swear at me, as such, but they think nothing of rude comments. They do all that leaving the room stuff she describes too. I'm obviously doing something wrong...

(Yes my DD is the eldest & so was I. It does seem to make a difference)

i feel really sorry for the woman who wrote that article - i really truly do. anyone calling me a cow in my house better be paying towards the bills!

mine become a different species at school - but all of hem = my15yr old lad and stair stomping daughter and goggled eyed ps2 son are "nice" people, they do nice things - regularly. they ask me how my day has been at tea time, if they see my car they cycle faster to open the door for me, i get kissed every night by all of them still. i feel as far as family goes - y'know we have done all right - theres lots of love in the air. and ilike it.

am not afraid to arse kick either. and mykids know what a work ethic is..

for instance if my daughter ( am a realist if any of them will get that far its only her)wanted to take a year out to go backpacking in the wild corners of the world - she better have saved some money - because i can assure you i would not be communicating in £ signs but rather "V" signs.

they know money = work. except in the house, no pocket money here am afraid - you live here too, ...if you want clean clothes - i will wash them if you make the gargantuan trek accross the wilds of the upstairs landing to the washing basket!

you eat off a plate - wash it - parent does not = slave.

still despite my 15 yr old boy being so hard he gets into fights and gets excluded for a day on the one hand - he cries like a girl if i ask him to have a bath - hormones, i aint got time fer 'em!

but then he spent hi own money buyng a bike for his brother at xmas, he spends his own time teaching his brother how to fix a puncture - he does occasional chores without asking - and he has found a sense of humour i can relate to - he has me in stitches.

its great - am gonna miss em when i kick em out on their arse at 18

Sadly, I can identify with the article. I remember hating my mother when I was 14 or so, but there's no way I'd have said it to her. DD1 is nearly 15, and the way she treats her family is appaling. DD2 is a year younger, and is responsible and far more reasonable. She finds her sister's behaviour upsetting.

They were both brought up in exactly the same way, so I think a lot of it must be 'nature' rather than 'nurture'.

We can't MAKE DD1 do anything - she just refuses, and says things like 'no, so what are you gonna do about it?' - and you can add a few swear words into that phrase, to make it authentic. It isn't really practical to lock her out of the house and leave her to starve, and believe it or not, we do actually try very hard to provide her with a warm, supportive and loving family environment - so it seems we just have to put up with this present hell-like state.

There's no way we can 'win' in this situation - we do ground her etc, but she is so obnoxious as a result, that we end up feeling just as punished.